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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Need advice re childminder concerns

25 replies

cheesetax · 04/04/2023 14:28

Sorry if this is a rant! I an worried that CM may retaliate by giving notice or refusong to accept to take DD, knowing that would make our work difficult. I want to have an open conversation but CM is super defensive and prefers comms in person which doesn't help when we work full time. CM has been off with us since an incident earlier this year that they had to report to their provider as they had caused a potential safeguarding issue- this was sorted and no bad vibes from us but CM attitude has completely changed since. They are making communication impossible and we are worried if we dare to speak up (minor issues but there's just no ownership for example leaving DD in soiled (poo stained and smelly)clothes all day despite having a change of clothes) am I right to hold CM to account? I suspect they are not coping as they are now significantly busier but surely that should not impact on care given? Really torn as taking DD away would prove disruptive, we want to resolve these minor issues but feeling CM may not have same viewpoint as us. DD is only 15mth old has anyone else any advice or been in similar situation? X x

OP posts:
NotCopingWell1 · 04/04/2023 14:33

I haven't been in your situation as I use a nursery, but you need to be able to have open conversations with anyone who is responsible for your child.

At 15 months I'd be very tempted to move her elsewhere if the relationship is already difficult.

Snugglemonkey · 04/04/2023 14:35

I would move to be honest. I also don't think being in poo soiled things all day is minor.

Coffeellama · 04/04/2023 14:39

Neglecting your child by leaving her in soiled clothes is not minor, and if the childminder is busier she still needs to be within ratio. With a 15 month old I would remove her as she can’t let you no what other neglect she suffers and it’s your job to make sure she’s safe.

FlounderingFruitcake · 04/04/2023 14:39

So there was a safe guarding issue, DD is left in soiled clothes all day (FWIW I really wouldn’t class that as minor), you’re scared to address issues with then and you think they’re holding a grudge of the prior incident?! It sounds appalling, why are you doing still using this provider? Especially with a baby that can’t communicate if anything is happening that you haven’t found out about? Honestly I’d find somewhere else ASAP, would then talk to the childminder and would be keeping my fingers crossed that they react as you fear so they refuse to take her and you get out of the notice period.

illtakeit · 04/04/2023 14:46

Really torn as taking DD away would prove disruptive,

Your child's safety and quality of care is paramount. I would't even be 2nd guessing this to be honest.

Lindy2 · 04/04/2023 14:57

Childminders work for themselves. They don't have a provider - do you mean you reported them to Ofsted?

To be honest if you reported them to Ofsted, whether for a valid or invalid concern, it's hard to get a working relationship back on track after that.

Also, was your child left in a soiled nappy or was there a bit of a poo stain left on some clothes but the nappy changed? It's hard to tell from your post. There's quite a difference between the 2 scenarios.

Either way look for a different childminder. The current arrangement doesn't seem to be a good match for either of you.

backawayfatty1 · 04/04/2023 15:53

Can you write your childminder a letter or finish work early to catch up about the issues on collection if that's the preferred point of contact?

She will have a complaints process, have you been given a copy that you could follow?

If these aren't options, then I would approach Ofsted (England) or care inspectorate (Scotland) to discuss your concerns. I agree with other posters then there will probably be a break down in communication and care would end so if you take this option then definitely would start looking for alternative childcare

TheLurpackYears · 04/04/2023 16:13

I found a nursey and then preschool setting much more straightforward than having to navigate the personality of our childminder if issues needed addressing (husband smoking in the house, minded child being left in the care of cm's daughter and falling from a hight then not receiving medical attention and the parents not told, dd being put in her dd's car in unsecured child seat. We finally gave notice when the cm accused us of neglect- but she never recorded her concerns...
A nursery also meant that dc we're expected to stop what they were doing and leave the house 3 times a day for school pick ups/ drop offs.
Find a nursery you like, give the required notice and put it all behind you.

carly2803 · 04/04/2023 16:50

why are you even asking ? remove your child and find a good nursery!

Original poster
cheesetax · 04/04/2023 17:01

TheLurpackYears · 04/04/2023 16:13

I found a nursey and then preschool setting much more straightforward than having to navigate the personality of our childminder if issues needed addressing (husband smoking in the house, minded child being left in the care of cm's daughter and falling from a hight then not receiving medical attention and the parents not told, dd being put in her dd's car in unsecured child seat. We finally gave notice when the cm accused us of neglect- but she never recorded her concerns...
A nursery also meant that dc we're expected to stop what they were doing and leave the house 3 times a day for school pick ups/ drop offs.
Find a nursery you like, give the required notice and put it all behind you.

Tbh DD is in a nursery setting some days and it is much smoother and pleasant. If DH drops DD off then CM is nice, if I drop off since the safeguarding incident the CM has beeb completely rude borderline intimidating. DH is conflicted with me and thinks we should not make our concerns voiced in case CM refuses to take DD again but my gut tells me the CM is not coping (OCD caused the previous incidebt) and I am concerned. Also CM is taking all the kids in their care to another CMS house at least once a week, we habent been told where this house is and whether the insurance us in place to cover this? Really getting bad vibes from the CM but DH feels it may be an over reaction so it's causing a lot of difficulty. I don't feel DD is neglected there but little thongs such as they can't wear shoes inside she pulls socks off so us cold, the soiled clothes, etc all adds up for me to be enligh to hold CM accountable.

OP posts:
TheSnowyOwl · 04/04/2023 17:07

I’d just take her away from the CM. Your relationship is over and your daughter is young enough to quickly settle in elsewhere.

Mammyloveswine · 04/04/2023 17:20

What was the safeguarding issue?

Op just move your child to the nursery, this childminder sounds like they should not be doing this job!

Lots of concerns, I'd be reporting to ofsted again about your concerns.

FlounderingFruitcake · 04/04/2023 17:27

Can you get more days at the nursery you’re already using? If they have availability then surely that’s a no brainer as you won’t need to worry about settling.

Whereisthesun99 · 04/04/2023 17:30

When I was childminding I meet up with other childminders at their homes daily and they came to mine . The kids loved it ready made set of friends and different toys to play with. Our insurance covered this .What was the safeguarding concern? I am surprised you are still with her to be honest if you reported her to Ofsted , the relationship and trust was gone the moment you did to this . Is your little one left in a soiled nappy or is it just a poo stain on the clothes as these are entirely different situations.

jannier · 04/04/2023 17:46

So you had a safeguarding issue you felt was so serious you reported to Ofsted...who presumably didn't find fault....then you didn't think it was bad enough to move her but you expect the childminder to be normal with you? But you tried to ruin her career.
Your saying lo is left in pooh stained clothes all day.....how do you know it's all day and what sort no of stain a hardly visible one wouldn't smell and could be missed but smelly clothes would anyone even put up with the smell all day? Did you say anything?
Yes she's insured to go to another minders house....no she doesn't have to check with you

jannier · 04/04/2023 17:48

You could send slippers, obviously you can't wear shoes inside ....or put tights on your lo if she pulls her socks off....is the house that cold? Bare feet are best for early walking.

lamaze1 · 04/04/2023 17:55

Leaving a baby in soiled clothes isn't minor (my opinion). Your child can't speak up for itself. Your role is to advocate / take action when necessary. Your husband needs to grow a backbone rather than worrying about rocking the boat. As others have said it sounds like the arrangement with the CM has run its course. Time to move on.

Almahart · 04/04/2023 18:12

Move her. This isn't acceptable and anyway ime once the relationship has broken down it's almost impossible to restore it.

Original poster
cheesetax · 04/04/2023 19:12

jannier · 04/04/2023 17:46

So you had a safeguarding issue you felt was so serious you reported to Ofsted...who presumably didn't find fault....then you didn't think it was bad enough to move her but you expect the childminder to be normal with you? But you tried to ruin her career.
Your saying lo is left in pooh stained clothes all day.....how do you know it's all day and what sort no of stain a hardly visible one wouldn't smell and could be missed but smelly clothes would anyone even put up with the smell all day? Did you say anything?
Yes she's insured to go to another minders house....no she doesn't have to check with you

The CM reported the safeguarding matter themselves and took steps to ensure it doesn't happen again. So no I didn't report it myself, the CM allowed a dangerous situation and felt obliged to report it as a near miss to their provider. And as far as being insured how can that be assumed without checking the insurance (which surely we do have a reasonable right to see proof of)??

OP posts:
jannier · 04/04/2023 20:32

Her insurance will cover her to go out including to another CMS it should be on display with her certificate or you should have been shown it.
So do you agree she was at fault and has she taken steps to insure it doesn't happen again?

gypsytrampandthief · 04/04/2023 21:02

@cheesetax this is all rather confused, I think you need to work out what your beef is and stick to that.

Soiled clothes all day - what's the context to this, are you sure or speculating as you aren't comfortable with CM. If you're sure then of course take your child out of that setting, CM is not providing adequate care.

Insurance - when you say surely you have a right to see it, have you asked and what did she say?

Safeguarding - she did the right thing by self reporting this, it would have been to ofsted or to RIDDOR (if it was an accident) was there an emergency inspection? If not, they are obviously not concerned. If you want to use your own instincts here and aren't following the decision by ofsted, then why on earth do you feel the need for strangers opinions? Just follow your instinct and take her out!

If the CM is giving you bad vibes and being rude, this would be enough for me to remove my child, you don't need to drag in petty things like not being shown insurance or informed where your child is, that's standard for CMs and the reason people use them rather than a nursery, so they have lots of trips out to other places

TriciaMcMillan · 04/04/2023 22:03

What does 'their provider' mean. Childminders work for themselves. Do you mean the regulator?

3WildOnes · 04/04/2023 22:10

Just move her if you don't trust the childminder.

illtakeit · 05/04/2023 08:52

TriciaMcMillan · 04/04/2023 22:03

What does 'their provider' mean. Childminders work for themselves. Do you mean the regulator?

I'm sure that's what she means. Like OFSTEAD for the UK. (Not sure if the OP is in the UK)

Bunchofdaffsinyellow · 15/04/2023 15:25

Speaking from experience with our previous CM who was horrible and eventually ending up excluding my 2 year old... please listen to your gut and move your Dd to another CM or nursery. I really regret not making the move sooner with mine, I knew something was off and got a weird vibe before things got bad but being a first time mum I thought the Cm would know best. Wrong!
He's now with a new CM who's brilliant and enjoys looking after my Ds

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