Childcare costs 😩

[MommaG23]

Hi

I have a little one born in Jan 🥰 and next year I want to go back to work hoping to pay for a nursery or childminder for 2 days whilst I drop a day, my mom does a day and so does my partner. Even doing this im struggling to make the finances work. My pay will reduce by 20%, our mortgage is set to go up by £300 pm and we pay a shit tonne on credit card which are minimum payments. I do get a bonus but even factoring in that it’s still not enough. If I went back to work FT (I’m the breadwinner) we would be even worse off as the mortgage will still go up and we would lose my partners pay and besides it will kill me working FT and not seeing my baby as much. We aren’t eligible for UC (just over the threshold) but can get the tax free childcare but I’ve factored that in too. How do people actually survive and pay bills?!! We have no savings. Our bills are so cut back we don’t go out or do barely anything they are just too high and the credits cards are crippling us. Aside from asking my mortgage company for more money as our LTV is 65% or getting a money transfer on credit I don’t really know what else we can do…. Or borrow off family but it’s embarrassing! I don’t think there is an answer and it’s stressing me out when I want to be enjoying my mat leave 😔

This.
it’s rubbish but if you’ve got loads of debt and you have no savings, and you’re the breadwinner I’m not sure why you think you can go part time? This doesn’t make sense I’m afraid. In the meantime I would be looking for better paid jobs for both of you, ways to cut back on anything you can in your budget and potentially and second job for one or both. Not easy but it’s what people are doing these
days due to inflation and the lack of childcare.

People manage by not having a huge amount of debt before the baby comes along. If they have massive debt they don’t have kids. Basically you borrowed huge amounts of money and can’t afford to pay it back while covering childcare at the same time.

Would your work let you compress your hours? So do 4 longer days, get paid FT wage and have a day with your little one. Could your DH do the same? We do this but we have family help in the mornings as we leave the house an hour and a half before nursery opens.

Congratulations on your new baby! 😊 Sorry to see that you're getting some rude responses here, hopefully it isn't getting you down. I think it's probably just unfortunate that your mortgage is going up by so much otherwise you probably would've been able to make things work as planned.

Could you extend your mortgage term? ie if it is 15 years increase it up to 20 or 25 depending on your age? See what that drops your mortgage payments to. You can always reduce it back down again in the future.

The nursery fees won't be forever, this is a short term thing. Get your credit cards onto a 0% to buy you some time.

Your baby is brand new, thinking of returning to work full time seems horrible but millions of women do it. They have to do it. Can your partner retrain or increase his wages somehow?

This. Surely people look at childcare costs and whether they can afford them before having a child? The significant debt can’t be new.

if you’ve got loads of debt and you have no savings, and you’re the breadwinner I’m not sure why you think you can go part time?

I know it may sound harsh, but I do agree with this.

If your DH stays at home to look after the baby, will you be better or worse off than what you’re planning to do?

Thanks to all the helpful replies and I got to be honest I ended up getting upset yesterday when I seen one person reply which is why I didn’t reply to anybody, I’m not usually emotional but I’m struggling mentally with the money side and I really didn’t need comments that aren’t so nice. I only came here for advice and help not to be ridiculed like why have kids or to be making out I’m being competitive with my partner. This is my first baby and I’m bound to feel very attached. But for the vast majority on here I do really appreciate your suggestions and I’m going to do a plan of all options to see which is the most affordable, step change is something I’m also considering too.

All the best op.

Nobody is ridiculing you but there are genuine questions around why the impact of the debt and reduced working hours was not considered prior to having a child.
It’s a well known fact many children grow up in household where finances are a huge struggle and it doesn’t make it a nice upbringing for the children or the parents who are stressed and anxious.

@Meandfour

How would answering your questions help this situation?

It’s how I feel though, it wasn’t about you anyway it was the person you referred to. Not everything or everyone is perfect in life, nobody knows my situation so the other person saying why did I have him is a pointless and hurtful comment, I just needed advice for now not what I should have done.

Thankyou @Anotherturnipforthebooks

Usually the person who is the breadwinner works full time and the partner who earns less goes part time. If you’re the breadwinner it should be you who works full time and then you’d have more money. I know you don’t want to, but if finances don’t work then they don’t work.

Could you do compressed hours so FT hours in 4 days? It’s what I do it’s really tough and long days but worth it to get that Monday off

@Huskysf I would do this readily but my works not keen on compress no harm asking though 😊

You can make a formal request for flexible working hours (www.acas.org.uk/making-a-flexible-working-request/how-to-make-a-flexible-working-request) and your workplace will have to give it proper consideration. If they don't approve the request they have to have a genuine business reason, not just that they don't like the idea of it.

You need to sort out your spending, why are your credit card bills so high, what can you do to reduce the debit.
As you are the breadwinner it makes more sense you go back full time to try to reduce the debit.

If you drop a day then your take home pay won’t go down by 20%, it’ll be something like 17-18% if that helps.

Mine weren’t keen either but legally they have to review.

It’s not preferable to work long hours but I couldn’t afford to go part time and this way I get a full day with little one so it’s worth it.

Hope you manage to figure out.

Also childminders are a lot cheaper than nurseries so definitely look into them

good luck 🤞

I’m going to do a plan of all options to see which is the most affordable

Don't forget to consider the long term impact, not just for the next few years. Many women's careers (and pay) never recover from going part time.

FML the comments on here.. 'How are you in so much debt?!' 'Why have a kid?!' Jesus Christ how judgey, unkind & unnecessary!!

OP I don't obviously know how much debt are on these cards but have you looked in to 0%'as other posters have suggested? You could also approach your mortgage provider & see if there is an option to add the debt on to the mortgage? Sorry that times are so tough for you atm.

Depending on how much credit card debt you have I would weigh up what the minimum payment is per month now against what it would be to borrow more when you remortgage and clear them. You would be paying interest then rather than 0% but spread over a 25/30 year mortgage it would likely add only a small amount on to your new mortgage payment (and hopefully less than what your current minimum payments are).

I didn’t want to go back to work when my child was 8 months old - it was hard. But circumstances dictated that I had to, so that’s just what I did. I would love to spend more time with them but I also love paying my bills and feeding them.

That comment doesn't really add anything to the discussion does it ?