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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Childcare costs 😩

51 replies

MommaG23 · 23/03/2023 12:49

I have a little one born in Jan 🥰 and next year I want to go back to work hoping to pay for a nursery or childminder for 2 days whilst I drop a day, my mom does a day and so does my partner. Even doing this im struggling to make the finances work. My pay will reduce by 20%, our mortgage is set to go up by £300 pm and we pay a shit tonne on credit card which are minimum payments. I do get a bonus but even factoring in that it’s still not enough. If I went back to work FT (I’m the breadwinner) we would be even worse off as the mortgage will still go up and we would lose my partners pay and besides it will kill me working FT and not seeing my baby as much. We aren’t eligible for UC (just over the threshold) but can get the tax free childcare but I’ve factored that in too. How do people actually survive and pay bills?!! We have no savings. Our bills are so cut back we don’t go out or do barely anything they are just too high and the credits cards are crippling us. Aside from asking my mortgage company for more money as our LTV is 65% or getting a money transfer on credit I don’t really know what else we can do…. Or borrow off family but it’s embarrassing! I don’t think there is an answer and it’s stressing me out when I want to be enjoying my mat leave 😔

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Kranke · 23/03/2023 12:52

How would you be worse off if your partner dropped a day and you went full time as you’re the breadwinner? It doesn’t make sense for the person who earns more dropping a day.

Original poster

MommaG23 · 23/03/2023 16:35

Sorry what I meant is if my fella gave up work to be at home FT we would still be worse off due to rising costs like our mortgage, I know what you are saying about not making sense but it’s my first child and I can’t bear the thought of not seeing him all week whilst my partner sees him more. If I could I work drop more days readily but it’s just not going to happen 😔

OP posts:

isitjustmey · 23/03/2023 16:42

MommaG23 · 23/03/2023 16:35

You'll see him when you come home no?

Is it a competition between you and your fella as to who sees in more?

Sorry to break it to you but it's the norm for working parents to be honest. I would love to be at home all day more with my DS but I gotta do what I gotta do. We make the best of the evenings, weekends and holidays. It's hard but it's life.

thehappyhaggis · 23/03/2023 16:42

In an ideal world I would have dropped days at work but we couldn't afford it. So, I went back full time. Plenty people have to make that sacrifice. I hope you manage to find another way around it!

Babyroobs · 23/03/2023 16:46

How have the debts built up? It's concerning that you have credit card debts even before having kids as things generally get a lot more expensive once you have kids as you are finding out. Is there any way you can move the debts around, make sure you are on lowest interest, maybe move to zero interest cards ? Is the debt increasing?

FraterculaArctica · 23/03/2023 16:49

Generally speaking if budgets are tight, you (and your DP) need to work as close.l to full time as possible - even if this means putting your baby in nursery or with a childminder for more days. You may also have to return to work a bit sooner than you would really like. It's a long time away, your baby will grow up and be fine in childcare - they will not always be so tiny and dependent as now.

Bells3032 · 23/03/2023 16:56

how much do you have in credit card debts? Any way to consolidate that. it'll push the issue further down the road but atm you need more available cash. i wouldn't be extended your mortgage at this point it'll be fortune

BadjaLol · 23/03/2023 16:57

Can DP get a better paying job?

IhearyouClemFandango · 23/03/2023 16:58

The credit cards seem to be an issue. Can you restructure that debt? Stepchange or similar if that bad?

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 23/03/2023 17:01

Going part time is going to have ramifications for your career for a long time to come. Think very carefully about dropping that day.

FlounderingFruitcake · 23/03/2023 17:07

Your partner needs to drop 2 days and you work FT. I know in ideal world you’d get a day each but if things are tight and you earn more it’s not sensible for you to go down to 4 days a week. Your baby is so tiny now and you’re still very much in the newborn period but by the time mat leave is over and you’re talking a young toddler and not a baby it is so different and you both will be absolutely fine. Can you also consolidate the credit cards, move anything on to 0%?

RoseslnTheHospital · 23/03/2023 17:09

It's the credit card debt that is dragging you down. Are you using 0% balance transfer deals to minimise the repayments? Can you make even a little bit more than the minimum payments each month?

With the debts and the mortgage, would it not make sense for you to both continue working full time and for your mum to have your DS for one day a week and the other days in nursery/childminder? Don't forget that at age 3 you are eligible for the 30 govt funded hours, which means that you're paying the higher costs just for a couple of years. You may also benefit from the planned rollout of further funded hours that the govt recently announced.

Parky04 · 23/03/2023 17:12

Yes, I'll get flamed, but why have a baby if you can't afford one?!

IhearyouClemFandango · 23/03/2023 19:35

Best shove it back in there eh.

PotterofGryfindor · 23/03/2023 19:40

Just wait till you have two! No but seriously children are expensive, childcare fees are only the beginning. I think it would be a false economy to go part time as this could lead to long term salary stagnation, especially if you are the higher earner. I would try to release enough equity to get you through till childcare fees reduce. Also as others have said pay off the credit cards so you are not paying high interest.

isitjustmey · 24/03/2023 08:52

Some of these comments are just a bit rude. I don't think OP can shove the baby back in her fanny tbh 😑

Times are tough, the cost of living is crazy and most families are feeling the pinch.

DESGUSTING · 24/03/2023 16:28

It's really hard!

Tbh you both would need to be full time in order to still live.
Whilst you don't want to, I don't think many want to but it's a must sometimes.

The cost of everything atm is crazy

AnotherEmma · 24/03/2023 16:42

You most urgent problem is the debt. Contact a debt advice organisation such as National Debtline, Stepchange or Citizens Advice.

What is your maternity pay like? Do you get any enhanced (contractual) maternity pay or is it just SMP?

If your maternity pay is due to decrease at some point, depending on your partner's earnings, you might find that you are entitled to some UC.

However, if you earn considerably more than him, you really should consider sharing the parental leave. SMP is only paid for 39 weeks (9 months) so it would make sense to return to work at that point - you could use annual leave if you want to have a bit more time off, but it would be paid in full, or you could use the annual leave to do a more gradual return eg 3 days increasing to 4 and then 5. You could ask your employer if they would allow you to work 9 days out of 10 so you'd have 1 day a fortnight with your little one. You could work slightly longer days so you're still doing full time hours and getting full pay.

Lastly are you absolutely sure that with you and your partner both working 4 days a week, you wouldn't be entitled to UC towards childcare costs? Have you run the figures through a benefit calculator (with some estimated figures for childcare)?

AnotherEmma · 24/03/2023 16:48

Just to add, your baby is only 2 months old, so it's normal to feel that you won't want to be apart from them - but you are likely to feel differently as baby gets older, and even if returning to work feels difficult, most people adjust. (If you don't adjust, you can always rethink.)

Marchforward · 24/03/2023 16:53

Have you factored in child benefit? Not a huge amount but helpful.

Where has all the debt come from? This is your big problem. I would contact Step Change or similar and work out a plan to pay off as much as you can before your baby arrives.

juliettesmother · 24/03/2023 17:01

As PP said, you need to work on your debt first.

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/03/2023 21:08

How much do you owe on cc

And can you move them to an interest free card. Even if for a year then move again

Pay more than the minimum as you will never pay it off

Stefania22 · 25/03/2023 12:46

The fact that you got large debts is concerning. Therefore the sacrifices you need to make are to go back full time even if it means not seeing you baby much, or looking for a better position with a better pay, move to another area where rents are cheaper and rent your house out for a year for more money so that could help with your debts.
you know we make our bed and have to lie in it. So although many of us would like to spend time with our kid, we also need to responsible parents that know that bills need to be paid.
Am not sure what type of job you do, but there are a few work from home jobs available. Or some that will only need you to go in for a few days a week. Perhaps, getting a baby sitter for your core hours if you work from home will allow you to be around your baby.
I had a baby last year so just over 12months old. I went back full time since he was 6 months old.

Anotherturnipforthebooks · 25/03/2023 13:02

It's a hard situation to be in op, and you aren't alone.

Keep in mind that your baby is only a couple of months old at the moment so the idea of leaving him to go out to work probably is very difficult and overwhelming. You might feel better about that when the time comes.

I had to go back to work earlier than I'd wanted and I won't lie, it was a wrench, BUT, a big part of being a parent is providing for them, so if you need to work full time to do that, that's what you do.

Does a day of childcare cost more than your partner would bring home? If it does then it would make sense for him cut his days/ change to a job with a different working pattern.

PotKettel · 25/03/2023 13:10

You go back FT. I’d be very surprised if it kills you! You will learn to cope. Your toddler will likely be up at 6am every day and mine doesn’t go to bed until 8pm, then there’s holiday and weekends.

Your DP drops to PT.

Or, you go PT as proposed and get a 2nd job at night once dc is asleep.

its really tough and you just have to grit your teeth and do things you’d rather not do, like work more

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