Is nursery being unreasonable

[Rosebel]

Maybe the wrong place to post but it is nursery related. So DS attends nursery where I work. Generally works out well, although I sometimes end up taking him to work when he's not 100%.
Last night he started having upset stomach. Still bad this morning. So I phoned work to explain I won't be in and they made feel awful /guilty for being off.
Practically begging me to find other childcare so I can come in, because we have barely any qualified staff.
So I end up feeling rubbish and now my 14 year old autistic DD is looking after him for a couple of hours and DH will finish as early as possible (probably around 3). I have said I'll go in at1 but I feel mean.
Mean to my DS and mean to my DD. It shouldn't be her responsibility to look after her ill brother.
When other staff members phone in sick /children are sick no pressure is put on them because they aren't qualified, but still in numbers so don't really see what difference it makes.
I get that I'm employed to do certain hours and it messes things up but my son is ill. What am I meant to do? I don't have any family who are able to help out. If my DD wasn't off school due to strike action I'd be totally fucked.
I'm considering going for another job. This isn't the only reason, more like the straw that broke the camels back.
I don't know why I'm posting just frustrated I suppose.
Who's being unreasonable here? Not posting in AIBU because I don't need any over harsh replies.

It's so tough juggling parenting and work, you have my utmost sympathy!

I think it's your manager that's being difficult though, not the nursery?

My understanding is that op works at the nursery and her child has a place there. They are being unreasonable to expect you to come into work when your child is unwell especially when it means you need to find alternative childcare for him.

It shouldn’t matter if your child attends the nursery or not. You are entitled to unpaid leave to care for dependents.

if your son has a bug, you’re potentially picking up that same bug. Them asking you to come in is basically them asking for a bug to spread around nursery.

It’s their own fault they don’t hire enough qualified staff.

Ah sorry I misunderstood, I was imagining a sort of nursery/creche at a place of work type thing.

Yeah they are being unfair x

Does your husband ever take days off when your toddler is sick?
Employers do expect the other parent (if there is one around) to take their share or days off for sick kids.

Just because you work at the nursery your child goes to, doesnt mean it should always be your place of work who absorbs these absences. You need to go to work some of those days and your husband needs to stay home.

Just simply stand your ground and just say no, you're not going in?

DH is usually the one to stay home as his work is usually more flexible. He couldn't do it today though as big boss was coming in for a team meeting.
I try to get in as much as possible, even bringing DS when he's not 100%..,just couldn't today.
I have said I'll go in this afternoon, not happy but been there less than 2 years so don't want to rock the boat too much although am still going to look for another job.
It's a shame. I like the nursery and my job. Generally the staff and kids are lovely but this along with a few other things has upset me. The whole you're letting the team down, we have a lot of children in, what's your solution if you don't come in (I don't know what the solution is, I'm not a manager) was a bit hard to take on 3 hours sleep. I gave in about this afternoon but wish I hadn't.

The fact that your son attends the nursery is sort of irrelevant in the scenario.
The point is that you are contracted to do a job and any employer will start to get fed up if you keep having days off.
Now, it may be unavoidable, you may feel that the policy isn’t applied fairly but I think it’s fairly standard for employers to at least hope that you can make alternative arrangements and come and do your job.
What are the consequences if you don’t go to work? Who is covering you?
You can still say no. Stick to your guns. ‘No, it’s not possible’
You can look for other work but I would suspect that you’ll have the same issue with other employers. Would a dumbo not make your life harder in different ways. Having your son in the same building as you must have it’s benefits?

I don't keep having days off though. DH does most of the sick days and if at all possible I take DS in. I started last July and this is the second day I have taken off for DS being sick. I don't think that's too bad.

The likely consequence is that they will ask funded children not to come in today and make the hours up a different day. Earlier they said there was no one to cover me. When I phoned back and said I could do this afternoon they said oh great, we've sorted it out this morning. So there obviously is cover they just wanted to make me feel guilty.

Why is your 14 year old off school?

I'd guess due to the teacher strikes.
Both my teenagers are at home today.

I'd guess due to the teacher strikes.
Both my teenagers are at home today.

It's in the OP. Strikes.

How many days a week do you work and how often is your son ill? My children both attended for 3 days and they've only missed maybe 4 or 5 days between them, over that past 4 years, for illness. Some people do keep their children off just for colds etc.

You must stand your ground.I totally sympathise as I’ve been in same position and the only ‘qualified’ staff member and they would have to close for the day if I didn’t go in.My DD works in nursery and she has had to send photos of herself when she had a huge allergic reaction and couldn’t actually see properly -as proof it was genuine- .she didn’t go in! They found cover

It's tricky but your child is ill

Doesn't matter that he goes to same place where you work

If you have to take time off you do. Esp if dh usually looks after him

How often is your son off ill

And prob all stuff caught off nursery

They shouldn't make you feel bad

If a child's got a stomach bug they should be home for 48 hours once well. Nursery should be hot on this.

I work 4 days a week (have Friday off so no problem today) and I went in to work yesterday afternoon but it was totally unappreciated and I got a sarcastic comment too.
I literally only keep him off for high temperature and D&V. Luckily he's not caught anything that requires a longer exclusion policy (managed to avoid chicken pox and Scarlet fever when it was going round).
Just to be clear they didn't want my son in. Just me. So I did but if it happens again I won't. Unfortunately he's in nursery a lot so he pick up bugs but that's just nursery life. Coughs and colds he goes in unless his temperature is high. Ear infection he goes in with antibiotics so I try to get him in as much as possible but with D&V it's impossible
Also pretty annoyed because they know full well its usually DH who takes the day off so I think they've come to expect it and don't seem to understand that sometimes he can't do it (and shouldn't have to. It should be 50/50).

How many spare staff do they have in nurseries

Say 2 members were off sick - would they mean that the ratios would be down and children have to be sent home

Which isn't your problem

It would be normal to call in locum staff but there is a shortage of staff nationally and they cost more which when nurseries are struggling to stay afloat is a further financial burden....but not the ops problem....staffing is causing many settings to turn children away some days.

Which I'm sure many parents wouldn't be happy about
@jannier

Gosh, that's terrible. I really feel like of all employers a nursery would be more sympathetic as their customers have these same issues all the time. I think you should look for a job in a different nursery. Hope your DS is soon better. My DH is a HCP and he's used most of this year's annual leave allowance on short notice absence for our kids being sick (and odd occasions for me being too sick to care for them). With some sickness days of his own on top. It's obviously not ideal and it often means having to rearrange patient appointments but he's human, we have a family, what else are we to do? That's just life and can't be helped.