In a quandry and don't know what to do about my cm/preschool/childcare situation.

[PanicPants]

Very long story - but will try to keep it short. Ds is 2.6.

Ds goes to cm most of the week, and to preschool once aweek. He is going through a hitting/pushing and generally not liking other children stage. But is lovely at home (he is an only child).

When I pick him up from cm, it is normally quite a negative feedback from her. Cm has a lo who is a year older than ds. They don't always see eye to eye, and when a struggle over a toy ensures ds will hit out. However, I've suspected that the cm lo does provoke quite a few incidents and will come right up to ds and just stand there until ds pushes at him, then my cm lo will run and tell on my ds to the cm. Ds then gets a timeout. etc etc

I don't think my cm really understands child development and that, although undesirable, it is part of normal 2 year old behaviour. I also wonder if she is coping with ds.

Anyway, ds' preschool teacher lives up the road, and although I don't drop him off, or pick him up from preschool (cm does), I can discuss things with her at home.

Anyway, in frank and conidential conversation, she has let me know that she thinks some of ds behaviour is dependent on the mood he is in before he arrives. Now the cm's child used to go to the preschool before he started Nursery, so the teacher knows him well. And she has said that she thinks he is a difficult child and that he is not the best influence of ds, who has to stand up to him, and be as boisterous.

I think she was implying some of ds' behaviour is due to the cm and her child, and that it might not be the best place for him. I have had some misgivings about my cm for a while (see previous threads - I'll link them in a minute if I can find them) but do like her very much.

And I'm really not happy about unsettling ds by moving him to another cm/nursery.
I think the answer may be to become a SAHM, but as I'm a teacher I have to give quite a long notice period so I can't just leave.

So I really don't know what to do. And I'm really not sure I have made any sense at all in this post! So if you made it this far - WELL DONE!!

can you look into alternatives? It does sound as though your cm's child is part of the problem. Even if you are going to become a SAHM it is probably still worth considering a move. It sounds as though you are happy with the pre-school. Is it worth considering another 1 or 2 sessions at the pre-school in the first instance? That would mean less time with the cm's child.

Your instinct is telling you that this is no longer the best place for your ds to be, and you aren't going to be happy if you ignore that.

It sounds like your ds isn't that happy there so what do you have to lose by moving him to another childminder? Maybe a nursery would be a good way to make the move if you would find it hard to tell the cm that you were moving him to another cm.

But whatever you do it sounds like you aren't going to be happy with him continuing in this environment.

You could try a different cm. If that doesnt work out then choose to leave work and do the sahm-ing.
He my well take to a new one, ive always found that when ive been reluctant to allow change around my lo`s, ive always been amazed and suprised as to how they cope.
If all this current upset is due to the current cm and the situation there, i think you have no choice but to take him out of there.
But i know i couldnt just give up work just like that. And with a career such as yours i dont expect you could either. If it be for financial or the environment factors.

Do you know of any other cms?
It appears that maybe the current cm may not be too bothered by the news as she frquently gives you negative feedback about your ds and his time spent there. Im sure she would understand and may even be a little relieved?

here's a link to my last moan about it all

I think you're all right and I should start looking at alternatives.

I noticed from your other thread you are not sure about your ds's speech. Loads of information on this website talking point which you may find useful. Good luck with it all - sounds like you now have a project for half term!

Can you take parental leave for a while? You could see if his behaviour improves and give you a breathing space to sort out your next move? I know as a teacher it could be hard to sort out though.

I remember your earlier post.

As he's only 2.6yrs old, I would want someone who was totally confident with him.

I am assuming he can't attend preschool full time?

Therefore you options are:
a)a more experienced and confident childminder, which would be my preference.
b)nursery (so ds at one location, ditching preschool)
c)To become a SAHM or go part time until in school.

Thank you for the link pinkteddy, and for all your suggestions.
Heated I've applied to do less days in school, so we'll see (fingers crossed!).

Am going to spend half term looking at all my options and what cm other childcare provision there is in the area.

Thanks everyone

It might be that he'd do better in full time nursery where they tend to be more active overall, and he'd have a consistent enviroment similar to what he is going to start in September. I think it can be hard for children to go to a setting once a week as they are just remembering how it works when its time to go again.
My DS who is 20 months, had started spitting and biting before Christmas. Nursery felt that he needed more stimulation and activity that the baby room offered, and moved him and a friend up early. Since then, he hasn't done it once.

Panicpants I've had an almost identical situation with my cm recently. In fact he ended up giving me notice but I think we had reached the end of the road anyway. My cm was absolutely failing to manage the conflict of interests that he was feeling between my DS3 20 months and his dd 12 months , and my ds2 6yo and his ds 6yo. When I turned up at the end of the day my children were wound up like tops to the point I barely recognised them. The cm's son had made a blood sport out of getting my boys into trouble and in my own stress I'd shouted at ds2 when I knew he was innocent or at least only partly culpable. My cm started texting me at all times of the day to give negative reports of my children eg ds3 had taken a toy of a child at playgroup or ds2 hadn't flushed the loo after doing a poo! Giving us notice was actually a liberation! We have now sorted a part time nanny to look after the boys in our own home - is this a possibility for you?

uptomyeyes - that sounds awful! I know just how you feel. I don't think we could ever afford a nanny - but ideally it would be the best solution. How do you pay a nanny? By the day/hour and how much?

I've got a term time only nanny for three days per week. I have negotiated a standard daily rate - payable weekly. I've got 3 boys so it works out cheaper than paying my old CM 3 lots of hourly rates. You could look for a nanny share with a family with older children at school so your DS gets the benefit of 1:1 care and then some company at tea time, then you don't foot the full bill yourself. I did this with both Ds1 and 2 and it worked well until they were both at school. It costs £70 per day - but it is for 3 children (2 at school. A nanny share could cost about £40 per day