Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Daughter moved in with me! No clothes

25 replies

Izthelegend · 04/03/2023 10:57

Hi,

my daughter messaged two weekend ago requesting I collect her from her mothers… also in the same text message requesting police and/or social services be present…

long story short she is now in my care…

she’s happy and healthy… however I have been bombarded by emails and letters from her solicitor (Justice for Women! Now don’t get me wrong, I am in full support of the women they support… but their client (my ex) is the type of person they fight against…) anyway I digress…

my daughter left with hardly any belongings… a lot of clothes I purchased for her but used to let her take them home and now she refuses to give her the clothes…

the solicitor is on her side and says that the clothes are to remain with her client…

the police didn’t want to help, social services haven’t supported and now her solicitor is saying I don’t have a leg to stand on her getting her belongings back…

Any advice on how I turn this round? Literally on a losing streak…

OP posts:
musingsinmidlife · 04/03/2023 10:59

How old is she?

You might be able to put out a call on a local facebook group type board and ask for clothing for her size. If she is a teen and it is specific items she wants, the police should accompany her in to get them.

PortiasBiscuit · 04/03/2023 11:01

I think she of DD is highly relevant here.

lovedive · 04/03/2023 11:03

Wise to pick your battles and forget the clothes I think. I know it's frustrating

ijustneedanamefgs · 04/03/2023 11:05

I wouldn’t be taking advice from her solicitor tbh. Depending on age and if there’s anything really important to her I would get the police to accompany you/her to get it. Or maybe get your own solicitor. Unless it’s really important though I would drop it. There’s places to get free/cheap clothes if needed.

AHelpfulHand · 04/03/2023 11:06

The clothes are the least of your worries.

Replace them with clothing from Vinted, matalan, primark etc if funds are limited

Slimjimtobe · 04/03/2023 11:07

Sorry you are going through this
I would not fight this battle and try and get some cheaply in primark or local Facebook pages

best wishes to you - I have a male family member and do understand how things can get manipulated

WeepingSomnambulist · 04/03/2023 11:11

You need to grey rock. She wants the engagement and the stupid battles to distract from the important issues.

Ignore it. She wont give the clothes, fine. You get new ones. Also, call CMS and open a case against her for child maintenance then put in a counter claim for child benefit if she is the one who gets that. Get your own solicitor and depending on your daughter's age, get an affidavit written up stating she lives with you etc.

Ignore your ex. Dont go through your ex. Just deal with your own solicitor and agencies you need to.

Kerfuffler · 04/03/2023 11:17

Sorry, are you saying she is being represented by Justice for Women? As in the feminist campaigning organisation that supports, and advocates on behalf of, women who have fought back against or killed violent men?

Original poster
Izthelegend · 04/03/2023 11:18

Not my worry, it’s my 15 yr olds whole life she’s been made to leave behind…

Literally just done the primark haul… it’s just so unfair on her

cannot believe she is entitled to support from things like justice for women given her violent past absolutely crazy… game face on…

OP posts:
Original poster
Izthelegend · 04/03/2023 11:21

thats Their slogan but I doubt a solicitor would be daft enough to affiliate themselves with that organisation… except she was the violent one…

OP posts:
Kerfuffler · 04/03/2023 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

StarsSand · 04/03/2023 11:27

I wouldn't pick this battle.

If your daughter has been hurt and traumatised then best to make a clean break and start healing rather then letting the conflict linger.

Drop the rope.

Buy new clothes. It'll be much cheaper than the legal fees.

musingsinmidlife · 04/03/2023 11:31

You being there for your daughter and giving her a safe and loving home will eventually outweigh the loss of her clothes. It is very unfortunate that her mother is choosing to further damage their relationship this way but like many abusers, she wants control, regardless of the harm caused.

Hillrunning · 04/03/2023 11:35

While frustrating for you and yes probably very upsetting for a teen to not have thier belongings, it's best now to focus on helping her build a good life with you. Don't diminish her upset but don't have a battle over clothes either.

Mamette · 04/03/2023 11:38

Surely the clothes are your daughter’s belongings and her mother can’t keep them.

diddl · 04/03/2023 11:38

What does everyone think her not being able to get her clothes will achieve?

That she'll change her mind ? rush back?

Cannot see the logic in that at all.

Don't her clothes belong to her for her to take where she wishes?

Xol · 04/03/2023 11:53

Do you mean Justice for Women? They aren't solicitors.

CoedenNadoligLanOHyd · 04/03/2023 11:55

If money is an issue, you can make an application to a discretionary grant. Or social services can support if she's a child in need and hasn't got what she needs.

It's early days, maybe her mum will calm and allow her some of her things soon.

For photos etc, she can ask friends and family to send her photos on her phone. So she has those memories.

WeepingSomnambulist · 04/03/2023 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

If this is true, the 15 year old has ran away from her mum and begged to live with dad. I dont think dad sounds like the violent one. But if this woman is refusing to allow her daughter to retrieve her belongings then she sounds like she could quite happily lie about her ex being violent.

BungleandGeorge · 04/03/2023 12:09

I agree at 15 the police should surely be called on to accompany her to get her belongings?

Kerfuffler · 04/03/2023 12:12

If your ex was the type of client JFW are "fighting against", they'd be a man. By definition.

As for her solicitor being "on her side", that's what solicitors tend to do. Has the solicitor contact been solely about your daughter? I'm sceptical about your reasons for bringing it/them up in the first post tbh.

Maybe fathers 4 justice or similar may be able to offer better practical advice?

JanusTheFirst · 04/03/2023 12:14

Press the police again to do their job. Your DD is entitled to her belongings. They are just being lazy.

Original poster
Izthelegend · 04/03/2023 16:28

everything about this whole situation stinks… the support from socia services, police, solicitors… and a 15 yr old that screamed out for help

that’s just a bee in my bonnet “affordable justice” “justice for women” 🙄in this day and age…

but as the people above say it’s right it’s about that girl…

she has clothes, but why can’t she have what belongs to her?!?

OP posts:
HirplesWithHaggis · 04/03/2023 16:36

Maybe fathers 4 justice or similar may be able to offer better practical advice?

Not f4j, they're the bams that dress up as superheroes and disrupt life for passers-by. Families Need Fathers might be helpful though.

SeulementUneFois · 04/03/2023 16:42

OP

Unfortunately you will just be questioned and not helped on here. My partner's ex abused him for years but I was met with vilification for bringing it up on here. (Have NC since.)
The woman ex is always right.

Depending on your country I would keep researching, reach out to every social agency you can think of and keep looking for more.
Ask this same question on reddit, you may be lucky with someone with some legal knowledge.
Reach out to children's charities they may have some ideas.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page