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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Cost of childcare stopping us having a second child

37 replies

Mummysparrow · 01/03/2023 13:24

My daughter is 20 months old and we were thinking of trying for number 2 later this year but after working out the cost of childcare if we have another, my husband has changed his mind and doesn't want another. Part of me is happy with 1 but I would like her to have a sibling.
We only qualify for tax free childcare so after this deduction I currently pay £700 to £900 a month so this would be what I would have to pay for the next child. My daughter will get her 30 free hours next October but I will still have to pay approx £300 a month after these free hours. My main worry is the holidays when you don't get free hours and therefore will end up paying double for childcare which will leave me with just enough to pay some of my bills but not much more.
Has the cost of childcare put you off and did you still have another child?
I am nearly 34 so I don't want to wait until she is at school to try for another as I don't want to be a older parent for a number of reasons, for example my pregnancy will already be high risk and don't want the extra risks for being over 35.

OP posts:

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ilovethecold · 01/03/2023 13:28

I have come to the acceptance of not having another child.
I just can't do the costs, I have the 30 hours in January and will still need to contribute and he's a November baby so won't be starting school until 2026.

RoseslnTheHospital · 01/03/2023 13:38

Have you checked to see if her nursery offers discounts for siblings? Any chance of either of you getting a pay increase in the next couple of years?

FoxtrotSkarloey · 01/03/2023 13:40

You're only 34 and your DD is already 20 months old. In your shoes if you really want a second, I'd wait until she starts school. You won't be that old.

BernadetteIsMySister · 01/03/2023 13:46

Dd is 20 months so she's 2 on approx 1st July and will start school in September 2025.

Therefore you could have a baby in September 2024 and make that last year your maternity, meaning you could get pregnant from this Christmas onwards...

Totally doable.

Luana1 · 01/03/2023 13:49

You don't to completely shelve plans for a second, just wait until your first one is at school or even full time nursery. You are young enough to and the happiest and calmest families I know are the ones with bigger age gaps than the usual 2-3 year ones.

NoSquirrels · 01/03/2023 13:52

When is your DD eligible to start school - Sept 2025? Work back from that date. How long would you take for maternity leave- if that coincides with the lead up to her starting school then you only need to send her for the free 30 hours, she can just do the preschool element of a morning or afternoon every day during school terms. Then it’s free to you, you’ll be on maternity leave anyway and can do pick ups and drop offs.

So if you delayed TTC to e.g. end of this year, when your DD was 2.5, then that should work out (fingers crossed, god willing etc)

isthistheendtakeabreath · 01/03/2023 13:52

My second child ended up being twins so financially it's horrific

That being said as soon as I knew it would be twins I saved as much as I could in advance. Put names down for childminder rather than nursery as 30% cheaper, agreed term time only contract as eldest would at pre school/primary so would have to take annual leave then anyway. Agreed their dad and I would use all annual leave to cover the holidays- would mean not being off together but that's the price isn't it

And then....took a bank loan of £25k over 10 years but fools have been longer to spread the cost of childcare over 10 years rather than 3. Pay it into the tax free account every quarter to get the max top up

If you really want a second child there is generally always a way to afford one but it means making sacrifices

JassyRadlett · 01/03/2023 13:55

We were in the same position and delayed our second child. Ultimately he started nursery within a few days of our eldest starting school.

It was a larger age gap than we might have liked but it was the only way we could keep our heads above water financially.

7Worfs · 01/03/2023 13:57

Maybe only wait a few months before TTC so that the 30hrs coincide with your mat leave, then DD can be home with you and baby during half-term and summer.

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 01/03/2023 14:00

Part of me is happy with 1 but I would like her to have a sibling.

Stop at one. What's the point straining the whole family to have another when she may well be happier as an only? Plenty of siblings fight like cats and dogs and never get on.

drainedofalllife · 01/03/2023 14:00

Delayed a second child for financial reasons too. In a much better position for doing so. You don’t really need to worry about the additional risks of having a baby at 35+, they are quite minimal and it’s not a cliff-edge.

Most private nurseries will let you spread the 30 hours out over a full year, so it’s the same each month.

DD and DD will overlap at nursery for a grand total of 2 weeks before she starts school. A larger age gap seems to me much easier than friends who had two under two or two under three.

GoodChat · 01/03/2023 14:08

OP just so you know if her birthdays in October you won't get 30 free hours until January as it starts in the next school term.

Orangeis · 01/03/2023 14:08

You can time your mat leave to have them both home, saves a whole year of childcare fees.
I find that the baby years are quite cheap as you're not eating out, having lovely holidays etc, so discretionary spending goes down massively.
But, if DH isn't on board it's all irrelevant really, you shouldn't persuade someone to have a baby they don't want.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 01/03/2023 14:25

Most mums around these parts are having their first or second baby at 35+. I'm about to have #2 at 36 and never considered myself old, and that's with a second, somewhat complicated, consultant led pregnancy. I actually know more mums with babies over 40 than under 30.

We went for an almost 4 year age gap so we didn't have to pay two lots of full time childcare - again, I don't think it's that uncommon?

But if you'd rather have no second child than a 4-ish year age gap, that's fine too! I'm an only child and don't feel like I missed out by not having a sibling.

user19888891 · 01/03/2023 14:30

When we were discussing having a second child we both looked into options for working at different times from each other. One of us mostly works 9-5, the other part time during the week then we both have other sources of income we can do in the evenings/ weekends. This helped us meet the increased costs of expanding our family. Would this be an option for you and your husband?

DisneyChops · 01/03/2023 14:44

Ah I dunno OP.
It's a personal thing.

Being skint is miserable. Having two small children and being skint is double miserable.
If I were you I'd either delay until oldest starts school or stick with 1.

Having another to give your first a sibling isn't a great reason to have another, especially if your finances will also suffer.

But that particular discussion warrants its own 30 page thread and we don't need any more of those.

Season0fTheWitch · 01/03/2023 14:47

The thing is it's never just the cost of childcare. If you can't/can barely afford childcare it means you don't have spare cash for emergencies/other additional costs of kids. But if you wait until your DD is in school/ pre-school to conceive, you'll be only 36 ish? And you'll have less/no childcare costs. Also if your DD is in pre-school still and you're pregnant, you could care for her while on mat leave

slamfightbrightlight · 01/03/2023 14:53

We delayed and it ended up that second was born just after first turned 4. That meant by the time eldest started school I was still (just) on maternity leave and we only had one lot of nursery fees to pay once younger one started.

CattySam · 01/03/2023 15:14

Wait until they start school. Presume they’re in school part time, with free hours from Sept 24? You can start trying at the end of the year. You don’t magically become more at risk the second you turn 35. You can’t have it all I’m afraid.

TheOtherBoleynGirls · 01/03/2023 15:16

We deliberately left a big gap for this reason, had DC2 just after DC1 started Reception. It’s still been tight paying for childcare but it was definitely more manageable than both in nursery.

QforCucumber · 01/03/2023 15:35

4 year age gap for exactly this reason. ds1 is 7 next week ds2 will be 3 in June, we will finally be reducing our childcare fees in September this year.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 01/03/2023 15:37

Luckily first was an august born baby- 3yrs between her and her sister- Mat leave covered her last nursery year before school.
my advice- have summer born babies!

CattySam · 01/03/2023 15:40

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Totally agree and I did the same! Although Mumsnet generally believes that summer borns struggle academically. Which is utter bollocks anecdotally in the case of me and me children (all August).

GoodChat · 01/03/2023 15:44

CattySam · 01/03/2023 15:40

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Totally agree and I did the same! Although Mumsnet generally believes that summer borns struggle academically. Which is utter bollocks anecdotally in the case of me and me children (all August).

I'm glad you've said that because I worry about my august baby!

Chimna · 01/03/2023 15:45

Could you compromise and wait to try with a due date of the Sept before your DD starts school and take a year's maternity? It's rubbish, I also have a 20mo DD and would have liked to try for DC3 by now but waiting until we atleast get her 30 hours.

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