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Paid childcare

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Original poster

Ex wants 50/50

17 replies

xx200xx · 26/02/2023 18:01

Hello,
So I have fled to a refuge with my 1 year old son due to my sons father being abusive.

We are currently going through a non mol court case and he denied me having this so it's going to be a long one.

However once that part is out of the way we will be going to court over a custody battle. He wants 50/50 custody even though he has always treated our son like a burden. I'm going to say I don't want him having 50/50 and to see our son every weekend or every other weekend.

What are the chances of him getting 50/50?
My concerns are the my son is 1 year old and I now live over an hour away from his dad and he works on a weekday. I don't work so it would make sense me having him on the weekday and not his dad. His dad had not give me any money for his son since we left also. But I'm not sure how the court will take this into consideration.

OP posts:

Gwen82 · 26/02/2023 18:09

Be guided by your legal rep

Impossible for us to answer with such scant detail re the situation

Ostryga · 26/02/2023 18:11

The courts will not give 50/50 care to an abusive man. This is all part of his abuse, he’s trying to scare and hurt you. Don’t let him.

You need evidence (non-mol is great for this) but keep every single text, picture of a bruise or injury he gave you, anything at all and give to your legal person.

Keep a diary of EVERYTHING. Has he attempted to see your son since you broke up? Has he used your son to try to hurt you emotionally? Does he miss planned days? Does he threaten you with you child and not seeing them? Is he abusive to you when talking about your child? Etc etc. just write down anything he does with a date and time next to it.

And go through CMS to claim maintenance.

Gwen82 · 26/02/2023 18:12

Him, his dad and my own mother have turnt against me and trying to get my son took of me, there constantly ringing and saying stuff to social services and childrens center
i recall your other thread.

an important fact

Original poster

xx200xx · 26/02/2023 19:55

Ostryga · 26/02/2023 18:11

The courts will not give 50/50 care to an abusive man. This is all part of his abuse, he’s trying to scare and hurt you. Don’t let him.

You need evidence (non-mol is great for this) but keep every single text, picture of a bruise or injury he gave you, anything at all and give to your legal person.

And go through CMS to claim maintenance.

Yes he has tried contacting to see our son, but he threatened to petrol bomb the house and drive 4 by 4s through the window the one me and my son was staying at on the phone.
I have messaged of him admitting to the physical abuse aswell and pictures of the bruises.
There is messages of him telling me I can't take my son to places and that I can't move out with my son. He wasn't there for the birth as he made it about him and started being sick. He has only ever been to 1 appointment which was my sons first year injections and I had to beg him to come with me. He went mad at me when I asked him to come and get the birth certificate done with me.
He also slapped my sons hand early January and made him cry, I told the social worker this and when he got questioned he started crying and denied it and then told her I feed my son rubbish food (I don't).
He said to me I will be seeing my son i a contact centre and that I will only have him on a weekend and that I won't have a future with him.
A lot of this stuff has been said in person and because he is denying any type of abuse what has happened, he will also deny all of this. So I got a feeling the courts will look at it and my word against his.

He will have messages of me telling him me and my son are going to be leaving him, so I'm not sure how that will look on me. However on these messages it also states he can see him whenever he wants too so it's not like I'm trying to keep him from him.

I was reading a lot lastnight and it was saying most parents get 50/50. However we now live over an hour away and his dad works so surely the courts will see that it's not fair on our one year old child to be going to one place or another as he only really knows me as his primary care giver. I'm the only one who has ever took our son out. His dad never has done that and only pushed the buggy for the first time before his first birthday. But again without evidence with stuff like this they might not care and give him 50/50!! I'm very worried because I know my son won't be happy, I have seen a massive improvement in his happiness since we have left there!

OP posts:

soleilblue · 26/02/2023 19:56

It sounds like there is a lot to this.

I'd speak to your solicitor and be guided by them.

Lunde · 04/03/2023 17:38

You might want to ask for this thread to be moved to legal

Lavenderfowl · 04/03/2023 17:44

My XH was abusive and the solicitor said as we could prove it there would be no chance of him getting 50/50.

if you have abusive stuff from him on yr phone and you’ve had to get a social worker involved and flee to a refuge that sounds like plenty of proof.

get a good solicitor, one that understands abuse (they don’t all get it) and take their advice. It’s a worrying time I know but you will get through it 💜

Original poster

xx200xx · 06/03/2023 13:54

His solicitor sent my solicitor a court application for child contact.
Hes gone for split custody on there. It also states there is no domestic abuse or drug use. That's a lie, my sons father is really bad on the weed and has not gone a day without smoking it since I have met him.

I have evidence to back my case up. I just can't help but really worry where all of this is going to go now!!

OP posts:

Lavenderfowl · 06/03/2023 16:29

Yeah so you fled to a refuge and took out a non-mol for no reason, and he loves his son so much he’s not been paying maintenance…

keep all the proof you have and use it when you’re ready…he’s just rattling your cage to continue the abuse (my XH decided to discuss 50/50 with the DC and they came home terrified, which of course terrified me, as it was supposed to).

One day at a time love, you’ll get through this xx

BurbageBrook · 06/03/2023 18:50

You should be starting from the point of saying he only gets supervised contact with your son, if he's physically abusive. No way should he have him every weekend or even every other weekend. It's great you have evidence. He won't get 50/50.

BurbageBrook · 06/03/2023 18:52

Make sure that yon back up the messages by emailing screenshots to yourself -- you need that evidence. You haven't done anything wrong and you will get through this, and you will get the outcome you want.

Beachhutnut · 06/03/2023 19:00

Him asking for 50:50 is part of the abuse. Don't let him get to you. Listen to the advice on this thread and from your solicitor. It will work out.

Original poster

xx200xx · 06/03/2023 20:24

I can't help but worry. It's so hard.
My social worker seen straight through my sons dad and tried getting him on a perpetrator programme but I'm not sure if he declined. So hopefully that might help with this case. I just hope this is all done quickly. My anxiety is so bad

OP posts:

Olive19741205 · 06/03/2023 22:59

Gwen82 · 26/02/2023 18:12

an important fact

You missed a very important fact yourself Gwen82.

The very next sentence goes on to say Luckily the social worker can see what there trying to do and said she's proud of me

Original poster

xx200xx · 06/03/2023 23:29

@Olive19741205

Can I just ask what u mean? C

OP posts:

Olive19741205 · 06/03/2023 23:47

xx200xx · 06/03/2023 23:29

@Olive19741205

Can I just ask what u mean? C

The poster Gwen82 posted that bit about your mum, him and his dad (from your other thread) and I was just replying to her that she'd also missed the most important bit from it, that the social worker wasn't fooled by their lies. I feel that she was trying to imply something negative by deliberately missing out that you have great support from your social worker.

Original poster

xx200xx · 08/03/2023 20:04

I received my sons fathers and Grandfathers statement today.

His dad denied everything and said I was the controlling one and how he was very supportive of me when I wanted to go out. He also denied smoking weed because he gets drug tested and it's negative, but then stated he does it on a weekend. He twisted it on me and said I smoke weed everydya and even in the house with my son. His grandfather also said the same.

My sons dad said I was controlling and I was the one who didn't let him go out, and I would scream at him for talking to any girls. He has no evidence for this his points at all. Expect from 1 part where I'm saying I'm struggling with my son and trying to get him to work on stuff.

His grandfather has completely gone on to different subjects by bringing my mental health into stuff, and lying saying I was always in and out of my sons dads bedroom. They have lied about so much stuff with hardly any evidence.

I'm still very scared about what the judges going to think. By the looks of it his grandfather is trying to get my son took of me!
Really upset to be honest

OP posts:

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