Unsure about our nursery

[Oscardoggy]

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to get some opinions on something that happened at our sons’ nursery today. For context it has recently been rated inadequate across the board by Offsted, after a surprise visit triggered by a complaint being made.

My eldest son is 26 months and currently in the room for ages 2-3 years. He’s a standard toddler who loves to run and play with other children. His playing can sometimes edge towards rough and tumble, but it’s something we keep an eye on at home and provide other activities for him to do if he gets a bit too much with his little brother.

When I went to pick him up today one of the nursery workers told me that he has been naughty all morning; he’s been pushing other children and wouldn’t listen when they told him to stop. As a consequence to this they took him to the office to see the managers, I assume to be told off? He was quite upset when I picked him up.

This just seems a strange thing to do to a toddler that’s only just turned 2? He doesn’t understand why he was told off and had to be taken into a strange environment with strange people? I fully support them stopping him being rough with other children and telling him no because it might hurt other people, but wouldn’t have redirecting him to another activity or sitting him down with a book for a bit of quiet time been more age appropriate than taking him to the office?

Sometimes I feel that they don’t have an understand of child development, which is a worry since they run a nursery. Equally I might be totally wrong about this!

Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

I would be mortified. Not at my sons behaviour but at the nursery. I have a 2 year old and he wouldn’t understand being told off like that. Re-directing him usually works for him, a nap or food.
It sounds like they are not understanding his needs and describing him as naughty is an easy way for them to push the responsibility on to him/you.

We have an energetic boy who needs exercise and rough and tumble play who also struggles with these boundaries at nursery. He, like your son, is a normal small child.

I worry that a lot of nursery care is very feminised, usually with no male staff at all, and so their idea of 'good' behaviour is often quite a gendered one, which penalises active little boys.

We instituted regular catch ups with nursery, agreed how to reinforce messages at home, ensured that he gets lots of exercise and very little sugar, and kept on and on and on at them about the need for lots and lots of physical play and outdoor time.

Did they use the word "naughty"?! I'm very surprised!!

Not good at all op! I'm an early years teacher and at 2 children need redirecting after a firm "no" if they are pushing/hitting. That's it. They are still learning behaviours and it's normal for 2 year olds to hit/run/ push!

Ask for a word with the manager and ask to see their behaviour policy and how it links to development matters/birth to 5 documentation.

Behaviour management is part of the inspection, it doesn't look like they are improving in that or knowledge of child development.

Did they say the word naughty?

I wouldn't be happy with being took to the managers office? Why can't the room workers deal with it? Surely it's not the first time.

My child is like a bull in a China shop and I've been told twice he's been forceful with his hands, they explained to him in a child friendly way it's not nice etc and he stopped.

As a consequence to this they took him to the office to see the managers, I assume to be told off? He was quite upset when I picked him up

But you don't know that, do you? Perhaps it was just to take him out of the situation for a while, of for a chat about acceptable behaviour. Perhaps he was upset because he hadn't been allowed to play with the other children because he was playing rough

I worry that a lot of nursery care is very feminised, usually with no male staff at all, and so their idea of 'good' behaviour is often quite a gendered one, which penalises active little boys.

It's a good point - it's quite a well-studied issue, and it's widely-acknowledged that more men in early years would a Good Thing. It's something I've looked for in nurseries for my DD, a male member of staff (I've only ever seen a maximum of one!), I think it's important for girls as much as boys too. When my DD was becoming the oldest in the baby room, they told me she was getting quite 'silly' in the afternoon which I took to mean 'a bit lively for our peaceful baby room, can we move her please?' (I can't fault her nursery, they are sweet angels).

On topic - I wouldn't care for a professional to call my child naughty and at 2, I wouldn't want to see anything beyond positive behaviour management after a firm 'no'.

From what you've said it does sound like the staff have scant understanding of child development, it seems to be completely over the top to take him to the office; if I were in your shoes I'd be considered alternative child care arrangements.

Hi everyone,

Thanks so much for your thoughts! They did actually use the word naughty, yes. I spoke to the managers today and they confirmed that he had been brought to them so they could ‘have a word’ with him, which I find unacceptable. We’re now looking at alternative nurseries around us so get them moved. I think I knew this is what I needed to do deep down, but you’ve all helped me see that it’s the right choice to make :)

@KnickerlessParsons even if they had taken him there to talk about his behaviour, this still wouldn’t have been appropriate. At 26 months children don’t understand that their behaviour has consequences, so it would be a pointless exercise. Anyway, they’ve since confirmed it was essentially to tell him off. Equally there are plenty of quiet spaces in the toddler room where he could have been sat down with a quiet exercise such as a book or drawing to calm him down a bit. You sound a bit like the managers, lols.

But everyone else, you’ve been super helpful! Thank you so much