Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Flip

Original poster

Nanny attachment vs boundaries

15 replies

ChimChim · 24/01/2023 23:56

I Would like to know what are healthy/unhealthy attachment and boundaries when employing Nanny.

I heard one nanny saying to toddler - would you look after me when I am old, my little baby? I felt it was rather sweet, but later it freaked me.

And when mum was trying to soothe toddler after a fall, nanny kept touching baby's hand and head, when mum was holding toddler. Didnt feel right.

Thoughts?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

winterpastasalad · 25/01/2023 00:00

I think you have way too much time on your hands. We adored our nanny, she stayed with us about 10 years and 30 years later we are still close with her and her parents. We very much did not confuse her or love her with our parents though.

DelurkingAJ · 25/01/2023 00:00

I had a live in nanny when I was small. I never confused her for DM or DDad but I still adore her. The more people who love a child the better, in my opinion.

NewNameNigel · 25/01/2023 00:04

I think the fact that you were watching the nanny so intently is stranger than the behaviour. Do you know this nanny or were you following a stranger?

saraclara · 25/01/2023 00:08

And when mum was trying to soothe toddler after a fall, nanny kept touching baby's hand and head, when mum was holding toddler

Absolutely normal, surely, where both love and care for the child? I do it as a grandma if I and my DD are both present when DGD hurts herself.

LittleBearPad · 25/01/2023 00:16

I don’t think you’ll be suited to having a nanny if you’re going to get jealous.

saraclara · 25/01/2023 00:24

Are you the child's mother, and is this a nanny in your employ? Or have you been observing other people's nannies?

PleaseCleanTheWholeToilet · 25/01/2023 00:30

I was a nanny for many years
I would of chopped my arm off for those children

I missed them when they was on holiday or if it snowed on the weekend i wished i was with them

Isnt it a good thing for the children and the nanny to have such a close bond?

underneaththeash · 25/01/2023 21:12

I think you're not in the UK. It's very different here.

TropicalSun72 · 26/01/2023 17:30

Completely normal to me. I used to be a nanny and cared for an 8 week old and just turned 2yr old for nearly 4 years. I adored them and they adored me. They cried when I went home! But of course they still loved their parents who were very glad of how much love we had. This was before I had my own children and like someone else said I missed them when I was on holiday etc. It was truly an honour to be such a big part of their lives. 1 of my favourite memories is the baby being asleep when mum left for work so I got to see her wake up. She would open her eyes, look around the room and then see me and beam! I loved her to bits.

Helpyou · 26/01/2023 22:06

There is 0 confusion from my nanny kids who their parents are. That doesn't stop me loving them and them loving me. I just feel like I have lots of nieces and nephews. Love them all to bits!
That being said. I have a very busy social life with a partner, friends etc... and as much as I love them, I still enjoy having a break from them and think it's important to also have that separation.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/01/2023 22:57

Children's love is alike an elastic band. They can love many people

Any mum surely wants their nanny to love their children and their children to love their nanny

You are def overthinking this @ChimChim

SherbetDips · 27/01/2023 09:01

I mean this very kindly but please really really think if having a nanny is right for you. Jealousy has no place in nannying I’m afraid.

SherbetDips · 27/01/2023 09:02

My charge loves me and I him we are besties. His mum is his mum and he 💯 knows the difference.

Nanny31 · 27/01/2023 21:05

@ChimChim
I would be concerned if the nanny was turning her head and not showing affection.

In my opinion, absolutely crucial that nanny and ward become the best of friends!

Over a year with my ward now and I love him like a relative! :-)

DeeplyMovingExperience · 27/01/2023 21:09

I couldn't have managed without a nanny. She was a godsend. My kids loved her so much and I described her as a 2nd mum. When I wasn't there, she was the mum figure and we all adored her down to her bones.

She came to visit us last year - kids all now in their 30s. Two of my "kids" were in the house visiting and we all burst into tears on seeing her at the door.

Flip