Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Parents looking after 8 month old DD - when and how to leave her?

4 replies

TashieWoo · 20/01/2023 10:39

Morning all - my DD is 8 months and I have just returned to work 3 days a week. DD is in nursery one day and at my parents for 2 days, in April she’ll start doing a second day at nursery.

Since I had her in May she saw my parents and family at least once a week, usually at their house for a few hours at a time, so she definitely knows them. I’d only left her a handful of times, because I never really needed to. I completely trust them though, no issues there. They always said that they would help look after her when I returned to work and my mum retired in December to enable her to do this.

Over Christmas we spent a lot of time with my parents and set her cot up there etc, and they both spent time with her, giving her bottles & meals etc. Now when they have her and I’m working I work from their house so I’m on hand to BF if she doesn’t want to take a bottle (rarely), put her down for a nap and just see her every so often. I’ve been doing this for 3 weeks now and it’s going well, and I’m doing less with DD each day and getting more work done. My parents are getting more confident and take her out to classes that I’ve paid for, to the playground and the shops etc.

DD is going through a bit of separation anxiety but she has generally been fine. She sleeps well at my parents’, they probably can’t get her to eat as much as she does with me but she’s okay. But yesterday she was more upset when I went downstairs to see her, a bit like when she cries when I pick her up from nursery (a bit of a relief that I’m back in a way). She has had a cold and isn’t 100% herself, but she was a bit grumpy all day yesterday.

I was wondering what would be best to do now. Could it be confusing DD that I am there some of the time then disappear upstairs (I always say bye to her etc), would it be kinder to just leave her there? Or will it all settle down as it’s still early days? I’m so grateful to my parents for having her and want to make it as pleasurable for everyone as I can. Any experiences / advice much appreciated x

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
jannier · 22/01/2023 19:12

I don't think most children could cope with a parent popping in and leaving again. Once you reappear they want you even if they are two or three. I've had children happily come into me every morning The parents pick up for an appointment and then drop back and they've been distraught. I now say no to returns if child goes home the day is finished.

Raindropsdrop · 23/01/2023 10:27

I remember replying to your other thread regarding this.

General advise was to leave her there.

NuffSaidSam · 23/01/2023 13:28

You need to leave her there.

At the moment you're creating a terrible Groundhog Day scenario where you keep coming back/leaving her/coming back/leaving her. You need to say goodbye in the morning and then next time she sees you, you're back for good.

TashieWoo · 23/01/2023 23:36

@Raindropsdrop thanks, I posted this in childcare first but no replies so I tried the parenting board as well. I wanted to make a decision over the weekend so wanted to get some replies if possible, not because I disagreed with anything.

thank you all - I am going to leave her with my mum tomorrow; she agrees with me that it’s probably a good idea now. DD had a great first full day at nursery today so hopefully she’ll have a great day tomorrow too.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page