Please tell me it will get better!!

[chel86]

I've had a new mindee start today and I burst into tears earlier!! He's 2 but definitely doesn't have the mentality of a 2 year old. He's constantly smacking me, not listening to me, doing whatever he wants and nothing that I ask him to do. He doesn't speak. He doesn't feed himself. In fact stick a bowl of food in front of him and he throws it everywhere. He has to be spoon fed. He bangs everything, which I think has a lot to do with him smacking. He wouldn't sleep. The parents mentioned nothing about any difficulties with his learning etc. I feel exhausted.

I know this is only the first day, but I've never had such a worst first day!! Please tell me it will get better and any pointers on how to deal with his feeding/smacking/ignoring!!

Aww chel, a bad start for him as well as you.

Try to ignore the smacking, you will need to think about finding out more about mindee pretty quickly, eg does he have a favourite activity/book that you can do together.

Did you gather info from parents at your initial meeting ?

Then you can start to target activites towards his likes, and steer play to a more positive place.

Of course you had a cry, anyone would after a day like today.

Feel for him too, settling in is tricky

did his parents show any surprise when you told them how your day had been?

HIs dad picked him up yesterday and I spoke about everything, went through his daily diary. As I was speaking to him mindee was smacking him in the face and he didn't stop him or tell him off! I pointed this out to him and told him it wlil become a big problem. Dad was very good and said that I obviously have done a marvellous job with my two kids and they would like our help and to continue whatever I do here at home, which is great. So, I told him no smacking and banging at the table will be a start, then we'll get on to his feeding after. Fingers crossed!

I did gather info at our initial meeting, and although they said he was fussy with his dinner they said nothing about what experienced. And when dad picked him up there was no suprise at all over the behaviour I described to him, so they obviously know about it all!

It was the first day, I was tired. I haven't got him today but have got him again tomorrow, so we'll see. Hopefully it will work out. It will just take him time to adjust.

Chel, feel so sorry for you and for mindee he wont know wether hes coming or going having got away with that behaviour for so long..it may not be any better wed, so i would suggest you get out of the house, he may fight off the buggy, but get him strapped in and go to a park/outdoor space and let him run and shout and scream, take a ball/frisby or something and get him running around getting excited..when he kicks ball/brings it back(bit like a dog here sorry!), tell him what a clever boy he was for doing that, maybe a quick hug if hell let you and really go on about how clever and good you think he has been, even when coming back to yours..finger foods are probably gunna be best for now, so sandwhiches all round, in finger or cut out star shapes etc, maybe he will be more drawn, if not dont worry, just take it away if he throws it, eventually he will be hungry enough to eat.

i think here that consistency is the main key, sounds like his dad wants to help so make sure you tell him what you have done and if it worked, otherwise all your hard work will go down pan when he's off from you.

best of luck chick

Aw, poor you. Sounds like the parents are losing control. You have done the right hting, pointing out that it will cause problems longer term, but most importantly that you will not tolerate it. It will take time, but if you stand fast, he will stop doing it with you - children adapt remarkably fast to their environment. I just need to watch my kids running circles around their grandparents - because they can! They don't do that to me (much), because I don't tolerate it.

Try and find things he likes, and watch the eating, if there is anything that works better, ask the parents to stick to that type of food for the time being until things settle.

Chin up, sounds like you are doing a great job. And if after a while you decide it is not going to work, then you can always give your notice...

I'm guessing that he's their first child?

Sounds as though they weren't really aware that he should have moved on from this kind of behaviour.

He is the first child yes. Which is also why they've asked for my help I suppose. I think we will get out tomorrow and just run round the park. I know it will take time. I just don't think I was prepared for it yesterday! Now I'll be a bit more prepared! Tried finger foods and didn't work, but I suppose like you say, if he's hungry he'll eat. Just so hard with someone else's child though! I would quite happily remove the food from the table if it were my own!

just do it as you would Chel..honestly, then you dont have to 'think' just get on....might help to prepare food night before and pack up for him/other mindees so less stress running round at lunch time...maybe even try having a picnic on bench n park?..my dd and mindee love that..he may be distracted enouigh to eat?

Oh god, how do I do this now??

Mindee is back today and getting on a lot better. He's sleeping now but we went to mums & tots this morning and the health visitor was there. I introduced mindee and, after the session, she told me she's concerned he has classic signs of autism. Now I did wonder about this yesterday when I thought about him and I did get concerned when I looked in to it. but I do not think parents are aware of any potential problem. I wouldn't be doing my job properly if I didn't pick up on any problems and I didn't make the parents aware of them, but how do I tell them?? And in the gentlest way possible??

ooh tough one!..maybe ask HV to be at another meeting and have a little better chat with him, then if she still thinks so, tell parent exactly how it happend(she was at playgroup) and questioned this...good luck chick!

Sounds like you are doing a great job - I agree with rosegarden, talk to hv again, maybe do a bit more researching, observing him etc, so you have plenty of info and evidence of your concerns to go to parents with.
From what you have said of them so far, they sound like they are willing to accept any help, and would probably value your proessional opinions. Hope so anyway ! Good luck with that one !