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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

So, should I be bothered that ds doesn't want to go the the cm?

14 replies

funnypeculiar · 03/02/2008 21:36

He's 4, has been going to her for about 18mths. He's fine once there/not desperate to go at the end of the day. But is talking a lot about not wanting to go/asking every morning if he 'has to go to xxx today' (I work 2 days/week)

Has been going on for about 4/5 months now (slightly escalating - he now cries/screams when I leave). For various reasons, I suspect he finds the cm less stimulating at the moment. I have been assuming 'it's a stage' but am wondering if i should be taking it seriously...

He goes to preschool most days (2.5 hr) and rarely asks not to go there.

(Dd- 2- ADORES cm, so would be easier to leave them where they are)

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tori32 · 03/02/2008 21:43

If the CM is stricter than home this could be why. He is getting to an age of wanting to assert independence. Have you asked him why he doesn't want to go? My minded 4yo makes it plain to her mum that she would rather mummy stay at home and not work, so it could be about that. Before, he was probably not able to think deeply about it, but now realises that some mummies don't work IYKWIM

cece · 03/02/2008 21:52

DS is exactly the same.

However, he was like it with his old cm too. Then when he changed cm we had a phase of asking to go back to old cm, even though he never wanted to go there either. Always fine once there and not overly keen to come home on collection. Now says the same sort of thing as your DS.

I think it is more to do with he would rather have mummy at home than at work. I also work 2 days a week. Maybe it is more that it is only 2 days. I never had this when I worked full time...

fingerwoman · 03/02/2008 21:55

personally I would be bothered. but I suspect I may be in a minority on here.
I wouldn't want ds to have to be left anywhere that he wasn't completely happy with.

Original poster

funnypeculiar · 03/02/2008 21:57

Have asked him Tori - he says he doesn't like her cooking (complete rubbish - he spontaneously hugged her for her sausage casserole at home time last week ); and that she doesn't take him to the park (that probably is true).

And, yes as you both say, my theory was that this was more to do with me not being there than going to the cm. But wanted to see if there was anything else I was missing. Nice to hear I'm not alone.

Although he has never been esp close to her (unlike dd, who calls her husband 'daddy' )

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Original poster

funnypeculiar · 03/02/2008 21:58

Fingerwoman - I guess my question is is he not happy (in which case I would be concerned) or does he want me not to work (which, currently, is non-negotiable)

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fingerwoman · 03/02/2008 22:02

yes, I suppose I am lucky in that right now I am not in that situation, so if ds was unhappy with pre-school i could just take him out. not sure what i'd do if i had to work.
I think i'd be concerned about how it is escalating though, and with crying/screaming when you leave. That would upset me I think.
Can he do longer hours at pre-school? maybe he is better in bigger groups? would a private nursery be out of the question?

cece · 03/02/2008 22:04

My cm emails me photos every week of what he has been doing. In every single one he looks happy and is laughing... He says she cooks better than me....

DS told me he didn't like it there because her floor was too slippery (she has laminate), so I said he could wear his slippers....

I agree, he just doesn't like me working... and wants me there all the time. That is not possible. And he starts school full time in Sept so will only be going before and after school then so....

Original poster

funnypeculiar · 03/02/2008 22:07

Fingerwoman - I work 2 days a week, from home - setting myself up now means that (hopefully) once they're at school I'll be able to work school hours/terms - so, imho, worth a small degree of sacrifice now.

Preschool sessions are 2.5 hours only, so not a goer. And wouldn't trust either of our two local nurseries - esp not for dd.

The escalation is taking place when I leave.He has only cried/screamed twice ... so far... but it is upsetting (& disconcerting - not like him)

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fingerwoman · 03/02/2008 22:10

yeah, I think that's what would worry me most- if it isn't like him.
I would maybe try quizzing him further about why he doesn't like going.
difficult one though- i really feel for you

Fireflyfairy2 · 03/02/2008 22:12

Children do this!

My ds does it at least one morning a week!!

By the time we get to the cm he is trying to get out of his own seat!!

They want to try & see if you'll let them stay off

Original poster

funnypeculiar · 03/02/2008 22:17

Fingerwoam - yes, I'll talk to him again. At a calm time, when he's not going (of course, we've tended to talk about it when he's upset = not very sensible)

cece - good point about it only being til Sept.

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Original poster

funnypeculiar · 03/02/2008 22:18

fingerwoman

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vInTaGeVioLeT · 03/02/2008 23:34

i would say it's his age - he's asserting himself and he doesn't want you to go to work - i'll bet he's fine once you're gone - maybe he is a bit bored there now that he's older , does your c/m take them out much?

tori32 · 04/02/2008 13:30

I definately think he is trying it on. He probably thinks that if he does it and you don't make him go there that you will be at home, not that he will go to another CM. If he was really not happy then you would have tears at home about it and when you picked up. Children cry with relief at seeing their parents if they are not happy.

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