Childminder Concerns

[amandas1975]

I am a grandmother who has grandson 1 day a week to help out with childcare costs. He goes to childminder 3 days a week and recently this has become a concern, she has criticized my care of him and done everything she can to cause a rift between my daughter and I. The woman has never met me I can assure you my grandson is in excellent care with me, I would give my life for him. The childminder dictates what he should do and when regardless of who he is with, when he should sleep, when he was having bowel issues tried to convince my daughter baby massage the way to go thankfully, she agreed to speak to Pharmacist. He also had a massive bruise on the side of his head where apparently, he climbed some steps. She has succeeded in brain washing my daughter he is her first child and now has pushed with the criticism and he is to go to her now something just doesn't sit right she has a schedule where he is dumped in bed for nearly 4 and a half hours of the day, she takes him out and about where she wants, my husband and family are biased I need another opinion and what should I do, and how do I check she is who she says she is

It's a shame it's caused a rift between you and your daughter. I would concentrate on this. I take my mindees out and about a lot and let parents know where they have been and what we learned there. Work on repairing your relationship with your daughter.

If you're in the uk you can check her ofsted registration.

You can't do anything. It's the child's parents who decide what happens to their child. And you don't speak very highly of them. Do you genuinely believe your dd has been 'brainwashed'? It sound like she's taking on board the advice of a childcare professional. And by the way, baby massage is very effective for bowel issues although obviously if you are concerned you should seek medical advice. Some grandparents struggle with being in the back seat when it comes to their grandchildren and I understand , you have knowledge and experience to share but ultimately your dd is an adult she decides how to parent her child.

What do you mean he's dumped in bed for 4.5 hrs a day? Is that at the childminders? How is that possible, he would cry to be picked up surely?

I’m sorry but this sounds a bit like sour grapes/ jealousy on your part.
Your family are biased…because they don’t share your opinion?
You say this woman has never met you, so why do you think she wants to cause a rift between you and your daughter?
Boot on the other foot- you have never met her but seem to have very strong opinions about her. It is quite normal for childminders to take children on outings and to groups etc, all great learning experiences. Do you not take him out where you want to on your day?
Children thrive on regular routines, you see it as dictating, maybe she’s suggesting a routine that will help your grandson but these things need everyone on board to help.
Are you sure you’re not just put out because the childminder is offering perhaps more up to date advice and solutions to meet the needs of your grandsons development and is not doing things the way you would?All early years settings are constantly being sent updates to guidance on all sorts of things from safe sleeping, to dummies to healthy eating and have a duty to share this info with parents. I understand it must be annoying/ upsetting that your grandson spends more time with the childminder than with you, maybe you are feeling pushed out but you need to trust your daughter to make the choices for her own child and support her in that, because it sounds like you’re causing the rift, not the childminder.

To check she is who she says she is you can check her Ofsted registration on the Ofsted website and possibly through your local council.

Massage is good for bowel problems.

You don't say how old he is, but 4.5 hours sleep over a 12 hour day could be what he needs.

It's normal for childminders to take children out and about so I wouldn't worry about that. That's one of the benefits of using a childminder over a nursery. I assume you also take him out when he's with you?

It's good for children to have a set routine so the childminder asking that he sleep/eat at broadly the same time when he's with you is a normal request aimed at making life easier for the child.

Which aspect(s) of your GS care do you have concerns about OP? How old is he?

What is being said about how you look after your grandchild? Your full of the cm doing things wrong but not any criticism that your getting.
Baby massage is one method of stimulating bowels and can be used before you try medication as well as alongside it.
Being out and doing groups and activities is what the experience is about....what do you do?
To be honest it sounds like your feeling defensive did you want more days?

It's also possible your daughter is telling you things she wants done are the cms suggestions as she's worried you'd be offended. She's probably right.

Your daughter is making the decisions about how she wants her baby cared for.

How old is your grandson ?
A lot of your criticism sounds unfair so we need more details.
It's not unreasonable for childminders to have a set nap time for kids, take the kids on outings and have planned activities at certain times of day. (I assume that this is what you mean when you say she says when to sleep, where to go and what to do. ) Most parents would prefer their child to be in a set routine for sleep and to go places. Childminders are home based care and it's perfectly fine if their charges accompany them on trips like the school run (for other kids)
I used a CM and as I don't have a mum or MIL in my life, she was a source of advice since she had older kids so had been there. Baby massage is not dangerous advice so no idea what you are angry about that ? You can watch videos on YouTube where they show you techniques to get a child to release gas. It's amazing how a few twists ends up with a giant burp or fart and the squirmy irritated baby is clearly much happier.
Have you opened your mind to the fact that child rearing has changed over the years ? Weaning, car safety and sleeping positions are the obvious ones but sometimes people see the new methods as criticism of how they did it in the past rather than science proving that these new methods are better (until new research proves otherwise.) You might not be trying to push old methods but if you are, then I can see why your daughter is going to use the childminder more to save her from aggro. You probably raised your children the best that you could using advice at the time so let your daughter do the same. Just because her ideas match the childminder, it doesn't mean that they are conspiring against you.

All of the above answers sound completely sensible. It sounds like your daughter is forging an important relationship with her chosen care giver who is an experienced practitioner. Unfortunately for you, it’s down to the child’s parents how they choose to bring him up and that is how it should be!

As others have said @amandas1975 what is the age of grandchild

it’s is normal for cm and nannies to take children out to groups etx

same with routine for naps. Makes easier if has the same nap time every day

again depending on age , I would then give uou rough nap times age dependent

massage is great for bowel issues

How has the childminder criticised the care you give?

Have they decided to send the child to the childminder for the extra day and not with you?

What's wrong with taking him out and about wherever she wants? Would you prefer they stay inside all the time?