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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

What does your au pair do?

43 replies

pollyanna · 01/12/2004 16:36

I have recently got an au pair (my first)(I am a sahm with 3 children aged 5 and under) but she doesn't seem to do very much!? She picks up ds from school most days and does the kids' ironing, but not much else really. She doesn't cook, wash and the children play up too much to let her bath them. What should an au pair do? does anyone have an example of what theirs does each day/week? I don't think my au pair is messing me around, it's probably that neither of us are experienced enough to know what standard au pair duties are. Perhaps this is what I should expect, but I was really hoping that an au pair would be someone to share the load with a bit.

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ChristmasBOOZA · 02/12/2004 14:46

USA.

It was basically a gap year for me after university and before I got a "proper" job. However we were expected to do a LOT more hours than you lot seem to be expecting - think this may be related to American culture. I think I was actually quite a good au pair (sooo modest) and I did have responsibility for the children all day sometimes (ie 11 to 12 hours) and a couple of overnights.

SantaandtheReindeer · 02/12/2004 15:04

Booza, It has been my impression that au pairs in England are not the same as au pairs in the USA. (I was also an au pair in the US.)

In the US au pairs work 45 hours a week doing childcare, not cleaning (or at least, only cleaning up after the kids and yourself). Usually they have sole care of the children. Both my families, however, had stay at home moms. Au pairs in the US are basically nannies (just less well paid!).

SantaandtheReindeer · 02/12/2004 15:05

Forgot to add - I had just turned 18 when I started my first job, but despite being so young I, like Booza, was a very good au pair. So I don't think age has anything to do with it, to be honest. If anything, younger girls are more enthusiastic.

Ameriscot2004 · 02/12/2004 15:10

Yeah, in the US, "au pairs" usually have the same duties as nannies.

When we were in the US, I would have loved to have some daily help with housework with a little bit of babysitting, but the au pair program was totally geared at childcare.

It's not really the same here - au pairs are not really supposed to have solo care of young children, or work really long hours.

ChristmasBOOZA · 02/12/2004 15:17

The mother I worked for was a long haul flight attendant so would be away for 2-3 days at a time but then around for quite a lot. And sometimes the 2-3 days would include 1 or more weekend day when the father was around. They also had a cleaner. I didn't really have set hours but given that it was up to 45 hours a week think I did OK.

In the au pair community there did seem to be quite a lot of mismatches though. A lot of au pairs/families requesting rematches. This was before the Louise Woodward case which I think caused a lot of people to question the system.

Original poster

pollyanna · 02/12/2004 15:42

I don't think I would expect my au pair to work more than 25 hours a week, with up to 2 babysittings a week (in my dreams!) - I wouldn't leave her in sole charge of all 3 children either. Some au pairs are more experienced though and I think are treated more like nannies.

Still, my au pair seems very underemployed (and inept too) and I will be more specific with myself and my au pair about duties next time.

OP posts:

redshoedreindeer · 02/12/2004 18:03

Pollyanna, ds is 12, dd1 is 4 and dd2 has just turned 2. I am due 21st Dec and am huge! My au pair does have my 2 dds while I have a break for short periods. As I said tho, she is unusual - she has worked in schools, after school clubs and a nursery (briefly). She is great with ds but thats not part of her job description! What age are yours, and when are you due?

Hollyanna · 06/12/2004 19:47

mine are ds (6 in Jan), dd1, 4 and dd2 22 months. I am due on 1st Jan, so really want to find a new au pair by then!

mint · 16/12/2004 10:35

Its a hard situation where u have to find a balance without hurting anyones feelings. We have had our first au pair experience. it will be 10 wks now. She is a wonderful person, but like other parents on this thread have not been able to communicate well with our requirements. Not to say we havent tried. Before her arrival I sent a timetable out to her and family to view. In her first week of being here she felt 42 hrs was too much, so we agreed on reducing hours to 35 with two nights BS. recently we had a misunderstanding, we went out on Friday night as our aupair will not BS Sat nights..fair enough! Got back quite late and had to up with the kids in the morn, because her BF came to visit and she arranged to spend time with him. I felt so let down. I feel like I am always trying to accomodate her needs rather than ours. The kids love her and therefore so hard to let her go. DH says the gals will get used to it. We live in a beautiful town outside Barcelona and she loves everybit of it. For me it will be initially hard to see her with another family around...I just hope I am making the right decision. I would rather finish on a friendly note.

yuletide · 16/12/2004 12:19

Mint- it sounds like you are v. clear about duties by setting out a timetable in advance. If you feel like you are accomadation her needs firstly i think you better have a frank discussion with her explaining how you feel. If you agreed bfore hand that she should get up with children, then it was unfair for her to let you down.

With our first A-P I made the mistake of been v. accomodating, we let her finish early, have afternoons off ( when really we needed her). I was always changing plans to suit her. She was a very nice girl, trustworthy ect. but she turned out to be 'high maintenace'

Now I am very clear and firm about duties. Its easier to be strict in the beginging rather than later. she's not been with you long, so you could just start by saying you feel like duties lapsed a little since she arrived.

good luck

mint · 16/12/2004 23:06

Yuletide I so feel in the same boat as you were once. As you've put it 'she is a high maintainence'. well today we had a discussion and basically she has decided to look for another family. Strangely enough she has got a family to see tommorrow. ummmmmm! So i guess I am on the search track again...ooh I'm so not looking forward to that.

yuletide · 17/12/2004 12:12

she did not waste much time looking for another family Ummm indeed...

You will find it is such a relief when you find an A-P thats on the same planet as you. it can be an enjoyable experience.

good luck in your search

webmum · 30/12/2004 11:58

lisalisa

just out of curiosity, how do you find yuor aupairs?
thanks

winterwarmmummer · 30/12/2004 12:51

OUr au-pair works 6hrs/day. She give the children b'fast, looks after ds (1), cleans the house once a week, cleans the bathrooms, keeps the kitchen from overflowing and cleans the kitchen floor, keeps as up to date with the ironing as possible, takes dd2 to nursery school/collects depending on timing etc. Helps with bath time, reading stories, puting to bed.

Your au-pair should be a second pair of hands for you and be prepared to do anything that you do, and vice versa. I would never ask our au-pair to do anything I'm not prepared to do myself.

You do need to let go a bit to make it work. But depending on how old your's is keep a close eye.

winterwarmmummer · 30/12/2004 12:54

Oh yes, forgot to say - our first 2 a-ps were a disaster. Just wanted to party/very sulky and did not really want to be part of the family and trully help out. My advice in this situation is to cut your losses and see if you can find an alternative. Harsh, but remember whose house it is.

AMerryScot · 30/12/2004 13:09

WWM, wish I had heard that last statement a few months ago.

We have just been through our first au pair. She was great at first, but after a couple of months (when she started language classes and met other au pairs) her commitment waned big time.

I went through a "what do you like about being an au pair" and "what do you not like" exercise with her. Her likes were language classes, time off and going into London at weekends. Her dislikes were all about the job. I should have taken this as a warning sign and got rid of her there and then. We hobbled on for another 3 months on increasing miserableness on both sides, before I finally fired her (for neglecting the children while babysitting).

We have a new au pair starting soon, and have been advised by the agency to decide after 3 - 4 weeks whether it's a winner or not. The worst thing to do is to stick with a situation that you are not comfortable with.

Our au pair experience wasn't disastrous - no drugs or men problems, or theiving - but it was just that the au pair didn't really like housework and didn't really like children. She was a nice enough girl, but being an au pair brought out the worst in her.

lisalisa · 04/01/2005 11:56

Message withdrawn

hereshoping · 05/01/2005 06:00

I had an awful aupair experience a couple of years ago and would reiterate all thats been said about difficulty communicating clearly, high expectations of aupair and a general feeling that she was just someone else for me to attend to. Had 3 of 4,2.5 and 3 months at time. Nadir came when she started a converstion with dh 'i know she is your wife but... and began to list all my faults - at which point she gotta go!
anyway just to suggest an alternative - i then advertised for a mothers help and found a local woman who came in for 3 hours a day, cost a bit more but not that much when you add up living costs, college costs and general demands. much easier for me to specify duties and better relationship as didnt have ti live with her. didnt find lack of baby sitting a problem as wouldnt have trusted aupair with baby anyway

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