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Original poster

Are other mums putting up with this?

14 replies

Waveafterwave14 · 15/11/2022 08:09

I have 2 autoimmune diseases. Recently got flu and it absolutely floored me. Now normally I struggle on and look after the 2 DC but I could barely stand on Saturday.
DP has football every Saturday and is gone most of the day. I asked if he could drop the DC to my mums so I could rest. He asked if I was really that bad and said he didn't have time to drop the children and got his mum to come to the house instead. Which I appreciate but the noise was incredible when my head was already pounding and youngest DC did not have a nap all day.
Yesterday DP woke me with lemsip and pills to take and told me to just "lay on the sofa all day with the 2 year old as it's no different than being in bed".
I had to repeat that I could barely stand as so dizzy and I was not able to look after DD.
DP tried to get hold of his mum again and she said she was also poorly and couldn't help out. He was then furious with me that I made him take ONE day off work to care for our child. Not me as he didn't ask if I needed anything or come up to room once all day. He told me the world can't stop just because I am ill. If he is ever poorly I would never get my mum round to look after him/kids and go off kicking a ball around.
Are men really this shitty or am I just feeling sorry for myself because I feel so ill 😢

OP posts:
CatGrins · 15/11/2022 14:38

Maybe repost in parenting or relationships, this section is for childcare settings/nannies etc

Shiningstarr · 15/11/2022 14:41

Waveafterwave14 · 15/11/2022 08:09

I have 2 autoimmune diseases. Recently got flu and it absolutely floored me. Now normally I struggle on and look after the 2 DC but I could barely stand on Saturday.
DP has football every Saturday and is gone most of the day. I asked if he could drop the DC to my mums so I could rest. He asked if I was really that bad and said he didn't have time to drop the children and got his mum to come to the house instead. Which I appreciate but the noise was incredible when my head was already pounding and youngest DC did not have a nap all day.
Yesterday DP woke me with lemsip and pills to take and told me to just "lay on the sofa all day with the 2 year old as it's no different than being in bed".
I had to repeat that I could barely stand as so dizzy and I was not able to look after DD.
DP tried to get hold of his mum again and she said she was also poorly and couldn't help out. He was then furious with me that I made him take ONE day off work to care for our child. Not me as he didn't ask if I needed anything or come up to room once all day. He told me the world can't stop just because I am ill. If he is ever poorly I would never get my mum round to look after him/kids and go off kicking a ball around.
Are men really this shitty or am I just feeling sorry for myself because I feel so ill 😢

To answer your generalisation on whether men really are that shitty, I don't think it's men as such, just certain people.

Your DH sounds a bit selfish really.

My DH would never have done that. If I asked him not to go, he wouldn't have.

mathanxiety · 15/11/2022 14:45

Your husband is an utter knob. Selfish, mean, and vindictive.

Ask MN to move your thread to Relationships.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/11/2022 14:47

I did put up with it. And, now I'm divorced. And - so. Much. Happier.

megletthesecond · 15/11/2022 14:56

He's being shitty I'm afraid Flowers.
My ex was like this. I ended it when I had two under 4, he's not seen them since.

Bronzeisthecolour · 15/11/2022 14:57

Oh wow! No I wouldn't put up with it. We have 2 dc, dh has had to take over everything today as I'm feeling terrible. He went and hot lemsips, food etc for me first then will do pick up (my day today) and clubs.... they are his children!

RedWingBoots · 15/11/2022 14:59

My DD was ill yesterday. I took care of her.

If I had phoned my DP in the morning before 11am he would have left work and rushed back to care for her. No moaning.

Last time I was ill he took care of her.

AriettyHomily · 15/11/2022 15:39

Some people are dicks, male female whatever. Unfortunately you got one of the the dicks.

jannier · 15/11/2022 16:20

He a selfish child. I'd get some information on your medical conditions get him to read it and see if there is a support group. Pass it to his mum as well and tell her about his attitude. Although as she raised him I wouldn't hold my breath.

Harrysnippleno3 · 15/11/2022 16:23

How many times have you posted this same thread?

He is a dick. It doesn't matter how many different boards you post on, he is still a dick.

SpinningFloppa · 15/11/2022 16:24

I’ve seen this thread posted 3 times

WaltzingWaters · 15/11/2022 16:25

your DH sounds an utter dick. Selfish selfish man. He shouldn’t have gone to football when you’re feeling so bad and certainly shouldn’t be throwing a fit about looking after his own children! And should be taking care of you too!
not all men are like this, no.

USaYwHatNow · 15/11/2022 16:53

Um no, I'm afraid your husband is just a bit of an arse, sorry to say 😕. I have a long standing issue (hemiplegic migraine) where I am also incapacitated for up to 3 weeks. Before we had our son (11 weeks old) he would happily take up the slack, walk the dog, do the housework and admin my migraine medication, make sure I try and eat if I can. If he wasn't around (military) then my Dad would do the same instead, often decamping to my house to work from my house and look after me and the dog for days at a time until I felt better/could see and speak again.

I really really hope I don't have an attack any time soon, but I know that without fail my husband would be able and willing to step up, with the support of my family, who are more local than his. I'm a firm believer that if people care, truly care, they will show you and I'm afraid he is being extremely selfish and uncaring.

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/11/2022 00:41

What a arse

I would have gone to his mums and slept there while kids at yours with her

you are both parents. He needs to reliese this and if kids /you ill then to cancel his hobby

plus being away every Saturday wouldnt bode well with me either

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