Is your childminder your friend or do you have a business relationship?

[KatyMac]

Sometimes I think a lot of childminders problems with parents and also a lot of parents problems with childminders are due to this

I really want to be friends with my parents - I need this emotionally and some of them do to after all I spend time with their little babies/children hugging/kissing and loving them

However it is a mainly business relationship & I often find it difficult to differentiate between business/friendship

How do people balance this?

Hi -this is my first visit to Mumsnet, hoping for some good advice. My son recently started at his childminder. I've been trying to build up a friendly relationship with her but she doesn't seem to want this and hardly tells me anything about my son's day. She seemed lovely when we went to meet her so I don't know if it's something I've done.

I really doubt it's anything you have done mumeeb, I used to find with mums who were very keen to chat to me that I was sometimes a bit less friendly (not because i didn't like them or want to chat) but because I was trying to keep it business like, I can remember one mum i used to have came at 2pm when my dd was asleep and I could have some time on my own before getting dd2 up and dressed and out for the school run, this mum didn't have older children, sometimes I needed to pop to the shops before school run or start the dinner in the slow cooker or have a quick tidy or set up activities for the after school children, I just didn't have that time to sit down for half an hour or I found i was late and rushing which after a few weeks became exhausting.

However I think she should spare the time to talk to you about your son's day though (about 5 to 10 mins is fair enough) so if she doesnt tell you then ask her or ask her to write a daily sheet or a diary just to give you a very rough idea of what he has been doing (i do one for my younger mindees, it has info such as nappies, food, medicine, sleeps etc)

One thing I urge parents not to do is tell me all their problems, especially money troubles as it makes me feel awkward when receiving my payment and that's unfair imo. I talk about the children (mine and theirs) how they play together development etc I don't tend to talk about nights out etc though i was very drunk the other week and bumped into one of the mums I felt awful but I wasn't on duty and I should feel free to let my hair down now and again after all I'm only human I said hello to her introduced her to my dp and left, we didn't have a drink togetehr or a dance that would have been a bit too friendly imo.

I think its important to maintain a slight bit of professional distance, because at the end of the day money is exchanging hands.

Having said that my CM is fab and wonderful and if she did have a major personal problem or health issue I would be happy to be there for her, just as I am sure she would be accomodating around my childcare needs if something happened to me. But I don't need or want to know all about her personal life, I just need to know that she is fully focused when looking after DS just as I am when I am at work.

I think it's a tricky thing to balance

i agree that it is difficult and it's a very fine line - personally i do not want parents thinking it's ok to stay an hour at the end of the day (i work a 10 hour day) and don't offer cups of tea - i want a quick chat to exchange info on how mindee has been then it's coats on and out the door - i have my own kids and enough time is spent working they need their "mummy time"

lots of my mindee's are friends/aquaintaces children and i am friendly with the parents BUT it is my job, so i do maintain a proffessional distance [that makes me sounds really horrible] - however i'd love to socialise outside of work and have a good chinwag!!

What is annoying is when it is time you are wanting to get your own dc into the bath and bed etc, and the parent is takiing forever to take their child and go, not because they are talking to you however, it is because thye keep telling the child to get ready and the child ignores them, so you get them ready, and so on and on, it takes forever !!

I'd prefer it too be friendly but professional.

My CM is great but it is always a tricky one - she is the reverse of the 10 min rule - my DH picks the kids up at 5pm but I will often get home at 5.45 and they are still not home (she lives a 10min walk away) this bugs me as I want to see my kids and my DH just can't seem to say no must dash after 30 min!! Not really her fault though....

As a parent I always want whats best fo the children but do get a little jealous when she kisses them.

I invite friends into my house

I invite tradespeople into my house & pay them

The whole I invite people into my house & take money off them is quite hard

Aw kissing the babies is the best bit

This is interesting - I'm about to start as CM and have had 2 inquiries before advertising, one from a lady I met in the library and we're friendly as both new to the area, another from a lady at church who finds it reassuring that I go to church.
Has anyone found it difficult looking after friends' children?

My first mindee was through church

I haven't minded any other friends children however I have lots of new friends now after mining their children

I know cms who have - some have found it greatm other s quite tricky. I guess you have to negotiate the contract from a strictly business point of view and not think of each other as friends at that point. Once everyone is clear and happy as of what is expected of them, then I see no reason why it cn't work out well with friends.
Saying that, the amount of friends who have said o yeah I'll let you have my baby to mind when I have it and nothing ever comes of it ! I always think now, yeah right, I'll believe it when it happens.

That makes sense, thanks ladies.
Quite reassuring that no-one has said don't do that!

Thanks everyone for the reassurance on Friday about my CM. I actually thought my message had disappeared - I didn't realise the discussion had moved onto a second page!