Is your childminder your friend or do you have a business relationship?

[KatyMac]

Sometimes I think a lot of childminders problems with parents and also a lot of parents problems with childminders are due to this

I really want to be friends with my parents - I need this emotionally and some of them do to after all I spend time with their little babies/children hugging/kissing and loving them

However it is a mainly business relationship & I often find it difficult to differentiate between business/friendship

How do people balance this?

I know what you mean katymac - I have had a few parents who I consider friends, and if we didn't have the business relationship, would probably be better friends, ie they are exactly my type of people ! Bt then there are others who you would not choose to be friends with, and just get on and do the job for. It is nice though to consider them friends, or sort=of friends ! As long as it doesn't get in the way of the all-too=important issue of being paid, and on time !

For me our childminders are such a vital part in our lives that it's much more friendship than business. Their role is too important for the focus to be on the business element of it.

Chankins - oh no I could never imagine not paying up on time, I would be so embarrassed and feel very awkward.

Its the thinnest of thin lines, I think!

I make sure I never socialise with my parents, ever. I didn't even go to a christening of one and a wedding of another.

On the other hand, I have a neighbour who I used to mind for, that has recently had another baby. She's not working now, so doesn't need me to cm, but I have told her that I'm a neighbour and if she ever needs to go anywhere without baby, I'm here. She always buys me something! I've told her time and time again, I'm just having the neighbours kids for an hour, but she can't get over the fact that I'm still a CM!

Hmm a tricky one -
Mindees 1 and 2 and mindee3 are longstanding family friends, so we have a lovely close relationship, with the business side kept to a minimum, they always pay on time, never quibble payment due, totally onside with everything that I do with their children.

However I do not like mindee4's family at all, and I would be delighted if they gave notice (highly unlikely as they have been through all the other CMs round here already )although the child is an absolute poppet so I just get on with the job

Gosh Katy, sorry for the essay !

It's very complicated

Friends don't pay you money

People you have Business relationships with don't know that much about you

As Mo says where is the line?

Like the essays - it's a bit like philosophy

It's like the lady who wanted to swop a day the C/Mers is her friend but the lady is the C/Mers customer

My 2 ds's have been with CM for 18 months now and often i will collect the boys and end up staying for an hour with a cuppa and a good ol' fashioned chingwag

Of course I am bias as my CM is fantastic, the boys think she is fabulous and she will bend over backwards for them. (It also helps that her dd and my ds are married they are 4 &5 btw!!

Pepperpots - you have a lovely relationship with your childminder

I have a great relationship with mine and 99 times out of a hundred I would have the cup of tea

But that one time when I want or need to say no (dd wants to go swimming or I'm having tea at my mums) I have to weigh up the 'perceived insult' of saying no versus the need to keep on the right side of the parent as I need the money

Oh god Katy i completley agree with you. There are times when that could go both way but i would like to think that both my childminder and myself are comfortable with another to say, 'sorry i'm in a bit of a rush today.....' without the other getting embarassed iyswim.

Perfect example yesterday... Usually i finish work at half four and pick the boys up at five (leave her house about half five). I had booked my shopping to be here between 5 and 7 so i sent her a quick message explaining I would be up straight after work. Lo and behold when I got there ds's had coats, shoes and bags on/ready and were good to go.

That's great & it's good business too

But it's hard making that distinction

This evening I was furious with DD and had 4 sets of parents to do small talk with and by the time the last one left I was gritting my teeth

But they needed to come first - I have now vented on MN & feel better - ready for tomorrow

That's one of the worst things about having other peoples children in your house! I regularly want to sound off to DD atm, and she gets away with far more than she should, because I can't let rip!

I would agree with shoes on and out at the end of the day no matter which child it is

CM's DD has her moments and if she is naughty she is disciplined to what i deem to be fair and exactly how I would if it was my DS's. This makes me comfortable knowing how my children are being treated and have found since they have been going to her they are much more respondant to 'the rules'
Also she helped toilet train my 3yr DS when i couldn't do it alone

All mine conveniently go home at different times, so I don't mind letting them in. The schoolies however, are ready as soon as I see the car pull up. Nothing to discuss, so no need to come in. Baby mindee mums do come in, but purely for a quick run down on the day, whilst putting coats on. Today, of course, we had to sign the accident book, and I had to sound off about the incident, so she was a little longer!

My dd starts full time with a CM next week, in a new area where I know nobody. What, wise ladies on this thread, would you want from a mum like me?!

MLP, start a thread in CM and Nannies, and we'll have a go for you

The parents of my mindees are a bit of both I think. They are first and foremost customers and we have a business relationship, but I do try and be friendly (wouldn't say quite friends but getting there!) with them also. I have juts invited two of them to a cookery party I am having so that is socialising with them to a degree I suppose!

I think the best is to be honest. My previoius childminder pretended to be friends with us (being all smiley smiley and inviting me to go to the gym with her or out etc) when infact they were only interested in a business relationship and could not stand us - many of the parents and kids (which was quite sad to find out).
with the new one (fab btw) we are not friends (we are not going out for a meal now or will be once dd is not going there anymore) but we are friendly and when we can/feel like it we have a cuppa or a chat, when we had a rough day or cannot be bothered or whatever I just pick DD and go.

it is a fine line but one should expect friendliness not friendship (if that happens better I guess).

i thought i was friends with a mum at school, eventually i started looking after one or both of her dd's, presents for xmas/birthdays etc etc..big even came up in their life..no invite..oh well, never mind..now today mum has completely kicked off over something my dd is doing(school suggestion) as her dd isnt doing it!!...FGS...Strictly business for me from now on!

Im friendly but I dont socialise with my mindees parents, i'll invite them in for a cuppa on the rare occasion but tahts it and i'd never do that after 5pm because I have other mindees and parents collecting and tbh i've been working since 7am and im not in the mood for a chat, nothing nasty just not something I do.