Toddler sleep as bad as when he was a baby

[Jannah2018]

Our son is 2 years 2 months old. He is still bed sharing and wakes throughout the night. We have tried every kind of sleep training we can find but nothing works. We can get him down in his own bed in his room for about 90 minutes at the start of bedtime but he always wakes up screaming. Even when we get him back to sleep in his bed he's awake in minutes. We both work full time and can't spend every night being woken every few minutes or hours. We desperately want our bed back and for his sleep to improve but have no idea how to move on. He loves being hugged to sleep and hasn't learnt to self settle. A few months ago it felt like he was getting a bit better but he's gone through a big regression recently and hates being away from us. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Sorry I don't have any help just wanted to let you know you're not alone, my DD is 18 months and has always woken roughly every 45 mins, never slept through, also bed shares and last night was up at least 10 times. It's exhausting isn't it

I feel for you, its so tough. The clue here is that he needs to learn to self settle (you said he can't yet).

Babies and toddlers wake very lightly at the end of each sleep cycle, around 45 mins. And if he's not learnt to get himself back to sleep, he'll look for his crutch or the only way he knows which is you.

Have you tried any sleep training such as Ferber? I understand that's not for everyone. We had a similar issue and slowly increased the increments of leaving baby on his own. Starting with 6 mins crying then collect him to soothe and put back down again. The longest stint was under 15 mins and after 3 nights he slept through, which was a gamer changer after months of 4 or 5 wake ups.

I highly recommend the paid-for version of the Huckleberry app, even just for a few months to get sorted and to read their blogs. I can't even begin to say how helpful they were to us.

Good luck and sending virtual coffees!

Just to add, and you may have tried this, but practice napping in his bad too. I'm guessing he's at nursery or similar during the week, but at the weekends if you can. Even if you need to scale back activities so you're at home during nap time for a couple of weekends 🙂

No advice just sharing solidarity… my 2.5 year old is the exact same and I am exhausted!

It's very normal, I'm afraid.
Small children often need adult company through the night.
Suggest you alternate which parent has him in with them, while the other gets some sleep in child's bed.
'Sleep training' is an abomination!

Each to their own 🙂 I had to do it because my mental health was an abomination.

Two things:

1. Is it possible there is something medical going on, like ongoing allergies, reflux etc?
2. I can strongly recommend getting your child their own single or even double bed. Then one adult can do bed sharing whilst the other gets real sleep. A much easier transition.

Sorry, I should say…. Solidarity and un-Mumsnetty hugs. It’s a killer and 2+ years of sleep deprivation like this is enough to send anyone mad.

Also, it’s not you, different kids are different. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are the problem. And whatever works best for your family is right.

Does he still nap? How does he sleep for those?

We didn't do Ferber because we didn't like hearing him cry and knew instinctively that it wouldn't work for him. But he's too old now. If we leave him in his room for more than a few minutes after waking up he gets up and sits on his chair. I guess it's just playing a waiting game and hope it gets better as he gets older. One worry we have is that he thinks of our bed as his bed and tries to kick us out a quite aggressively sometimes!

Thank you! I kinda knew there was no magic bullet when I wrote the post so am relieved to hear this is normal

Don't think it's allergies.

We've done variations of the second suggestion off and on for months. I spent one week sleeping in front room with monitor who my wife could sleep through the night. He woke up loads. I managed to keep him in bed but I couldn't cope with being woken every hour

My eldest was exactly the same. We got her a double bed in her room in the end. I started off sleeping with her but sometime before she was 3 I just magically was able to lie with her as she fell to sleep and then creep off and she would stay there. I now have her little brother bed sharing with me so I am sure I will be in your position again soon! We don't have enough room for another double bed so who knows what will happen there!

If I were in your position (which I may well be based on how my 7mo is now) I would be hiring in the experts.

I wouldn't want to do Ferber either, but there are plenty of gentle sleep consultants who might be able to help you (Instagram: heysleepybaby, littlenestsleep, secondstartotheright).

Also agree with PP that hourly wakes could be a sign of something underlying e.g. allergies, reflux, oral restrictions such as tongue tie or enlarged tonsils.

Best to rule out any red flags (this will probably be the first question a gentle sleep consultant will raise).

Would love to but they cost a fortune

We mentioned sleep issues in his 2 year check up and nothing came up

IME you need to drive this.

I was told on several occasions by my GP that my baby would 'grow out of' various issues. Fast forward 7 months and he's now on medication for silent reflux and I'm getting him assessed for tongue tie next month.

If you can't afford a sleep consultant (which I understand) then I would at least check out their social media pages, particularly their information on red flags to see if there's anything that sounds familiar with your little one.