Ex staying over

[shanavine]

I'm in a relationship the past 3 yrs.
Both of us own our houses .
I spend 4-5 nights a week at hers.
My 26 yr old daughter who is a third year student lives in my home with her 5 year old daughter.
She currently is not driving.
My ex, who does not drive lives 50 mins away, and on occasion has stayed over to babysit our granddaughter.
I do not stay there when she is there.
My partner finds it very disrespectful that my daughter allows this to occur.
I am not happy my ex stays over but i can see how it is helpful to my daughter.
It has become a big issue with us.
Thoughts?

What's the issue? Is it using your room? I'd ask she puts him elsewhere if that's the case...sofa, her room etc. But if your okay about him coming in and bring effectively free to roam around I dont see stopping as sn issue. .50 mins late at night is an issue.
If you don't want him in your house can they go to his? I wouldnt want an ex alone in my home.

Sorry meant her.

If your daughter "allows it to occur" behind your back then I understand there may be ill feelings, but up front? Sounds like a sensible solution to me. What does your partner propose as an alternative?

No my daughter asks first.
I have said I don't want her to stay, but then I get I'm stuck for someone to babysit

Then I'd say I'm sorry if you can't understand why this id uncomfortable for me but it is so if I'm not available for babysitting its go over there or don't go out.
How often does it happen could you be available a couple of times a month?

When you say it’s “become a big issue with us” do you mean between you and daughter, or you and current partner?

I think if you are uncomfortable with your ex staying over then you should be clear and assertive with your daughter. It’s your home, your rules.

I think a 26 year old parent should be mature enough to realise that they are on an incredibly cushy number and that wheeling their parent's ex in to stay overnight is crossing so many boundaries that it's redrawing the map.

Tell your DD you're not having it. If she has to stay in, then she has to stay in. If she doesn't like it, she can get her own house and have as many babysitter sleepovers as she likes.

It’s a non issue tbh. Your partner is being ridiculous.

my husband stays at his exes house a few times a year with her and her new partner there

my husband son and mum live far away (abroad) and accommodation is expensive so makes sense to stay there

I’ve never had any issue tbh I just don’t get what there even is to be upset about

It's your daughters home too so if she wants her mom to stay and you're not there I don't see the issue. Why doesn't your partner like it?

Same problem my daughter doesn't drive and my ex would have to bring the little one to school.