Hi, sorry for the long post. I'm looking for a place to let my feelings out as it's making my mental health issues worse and I'm not sure whether it's my mental health talking or it's a reasonable issue I have and want some advice.
I was hoping to go back to work after maternity for at least two days, ideally three and even during pregnancy, my biological mum who I am close to has said she could have our son for the two days she doesn't work if that helps. Instantly I am thinking great, there are two of the days I could go back, ideally I need to find childcare for a third.
To make it fair I wanted to ask my husband's mum if she would like the opportunity to have our son. The issue is, is that she has 6 dogs. She did have 5 as one passed away but she got another puppy whilst I was pregnant which I was thinking "oh no, now a excitable puppy to train" so now she has 6 again. I have asked if she would like to come to our house but without dogs. I am uneasy around most of the dogs as they have formed a pack and compete for attention, food, toys etc. I've been bitten twice in the leg by one that is protective of their house/hallway when you walk in. My MIL has been bitten multiple times by either breaking up a fight between them (which happens a lot) or when she feeds them from the table. She has had to have stitches a couple of times. None of the dogs are toilet trained and often have accidents all over the floor, I've slipped in poo a few times when round there, the males scent up their own furniture, items that come into the house, Christmas presents etc. They don't notice some of the puddles etc. They don't anti bac or clean after they have picked up poo, and they use a cloth that they leave on the floor permanently to then spread the wee around then put the cloth back in the corner until next time. The dogs also wee/poo when she brings them all to my house when we have them over for dinner etc. They have even wee'd up my curtains.
I suffer from anxiety slightly anyway so talking to her to say would you mind not bringing dogs was a big thing for me to do as she can be fairly rude.
She has been rude to my own mum a couple of times. She found out my mum was also a birthing partner as well as my husband of course and she was angry. She told my husband the day our son was born that she feels left out and no one told her my mum would be there. I didn't forget to mention it on purpose it just never came up. A lot of people have their mum's at birth so thought she would have known anyway. My mum phoned her to congratulate her on her new grandson and was rude to my mum. My mum obviously being emotional from witnessing her daughter going through that experience etc was quite upset. I had to have my baby shower at my MIL's house as she was rude to my mum and mum had to back down from hiring a nice place/organising it somewhere I wanted. I had to stop the dogs weeing up my baby shower presents etc. She has to have her way so me confronting the dog situation to her was scary. I hate confrontation and hate making people upset.
She was surprisingly ok and said she would think about it and speak to my FIL. She phoned my husband and they didn't know I could hear the conversation as I was upstairs trying to sleep. I got the idea she wasn't happy and could hear my husband agreeing with her that I wasn't being fair not allowing her to have our son at her house or to bring the dogs to ours.
My husband spoke to me in the morning and said his mum can't leave the dogs for a day and also said if his mum can't have our son then my mum can't have him either, which has now left me to either put him in daycare for a few days but if I did that then after paying out daycare fees, would leave me with hardly anything anyway or to not go back at all but that means not having my own money and if I am honest, I was looking forward to just seeing other adults for a couple of days which I think would help my mental health a bit.
I've been the one to look after our son with very little help from my husband. He does some washing and washing up which helps me a lot and I appreciate him but he has done 7 nappies, 3 bottles, no night shifts, no babysitting. Refuses to cook for us (I can't if baby is screaming) so orders takeaways, will play games on his phone even when I ask if he wouldn't mind watching/playing with our son whilst I shower and works Mon-Fri and then manages a football team on a Saturday which doesn't stop at just the match it's obviously the admin during the week, football training in the evenings after work, getting to the game early before everyone, drinks in the clubhouse after with the team. I hardly see him to get help and when I do he is on his phone either playing games or sorting out football stuff. My mum has been my support. To tell me she can't have him so I can have a bit of a break has upset me a bit. After everything she does for us and his mum has not helped a single bit.
I am sorry I don't want our son around those dogs but I have at least offered for his mum to have him here at home. Am I being unreasonable? Any help is appreciated.