I need a night off

[Chevybaby]

I am a mother to a two year old child and I’ve not slept (or indeed left my home after 7pm) since she was born. Is this normal? Do people live like this? I’m really struggling. I want to go to a gig! And I am dying for a full nights sleep…

She was born during lockdown so for a long time she wouldn’t go with anyone else even for a five minute toilet break. Her screaming was so extreme that seasoned mother friends and relatives were always stepping in and offering to take her for a couple of hours but none of them ever lasted the full agreed time and nobody EVER offered a second time 😂😂😂 And for some reason her doting father has never been willing to take the night shift 😑 (another story)

But now she is two she is really mellowing out. She can spend the day with my parents with zero stress and when we are in a big bustling group of friends she barely notices me. So I think she will be totally fine without me for a night! Would it be cruel to just get a regular babysitter? I was imagining a couple regular evening babysitter shifts where I am back for sleep time and then once she’s comfortable in that persons company paying them for a full night and hitting the local travel inn.

My parents are an option but my dad has glaucoma and cancer and my mum has terrible arthritis and I feel like it’s a big ask if it goes badly. If anyone deserves screaming free sleep it’s them.

So yeah I guess to be clear the advice I need is: should I just suck it up until it doesn’t feel icky to ask or hire someone else to take her? Or is it totally ok to have paid strangers looking after 2 year olds through the night? And if we do do it how do I lead up to it with my DD?

Any and all advice very welcome!

All the family and friends must also see now that DC has mellowed and is now more likely to be better behaved if they were to offer their babysitting services again? I think I'd prefer a trusted family member or friend rather than a complete stranger? But if you feel this is your only option, I'd do your research into agencies who properly vet their staff and then start with an hour or two while you go for a coffee/shopping/visit a friend then slowly build up to evenings out.

Definitely not unreasonable to book a regular babysitter. Happy mum, happy baby. Stress and lack of sleep is no good for anyone

Can I just get this straight, you are considering paid overnight baby sitters because her dad (presumably your boyfriend or husband?) won’t have her by himself?

YANBU for wanting a night off - bloody hell, 2 solid years without one you deserve a medal!

Her Dad is being completely unreasonable though for not taking her for the night so that you can have a break
Is there a backstory/reason there or is he just selfish?!

Do whatever you have to to get a break

Now ex 🙃👍

His reason for not taking a single night out of 740 is, in short, “anxiety” 😐

Yes , you deserve a break! Does she go to nursery ? If so you could ask one of the nursery workers lots of them will do babysitting

I would insist on her dad taking her overnight rather than pay someone, if I were in your shoes. You don’t get to pick and choose what parts of parenting you’re comfortable with.

Not unreasonable at all!
Childcare.co.uk is a good place to start looking xx

"Hello ex...yes I know you said you can't have her overnight but you've got to...you can't pick and choose you know!
Well you've got to have her...no I insist!!"

<ex refuses>

Then what?

One of the most unhelpful replies ever 😂😂

@badassbaby maybe insist was the wrong word. I more so meant that the OP doesn’t have the choice of saying she ‘can’t’ take their child overnight. Not meant to be unhelpful, I think it’s unfair to the OP to be left without a choice when there are 2 parents involved.

You’re not wrong! But also if he’s so opposed to it I kind of don’t want him to do it. DD deserves a midnight cuddle from someone who doesn’t see it as an imposition. I asked many times and made it clear how important to me it was and then after a while asking just felt a bit humiliating.

I didn’t know that was possible! That would be the dream scenario. I will check pronto!

I really hope you get your night out soon! Sorry your ex is such a useless piece of shit.

Our nursery has a clause that doesn't allow staff to babysit for children at the nursery, but they might be able to recommend a local agency?

You def deserve a night if you can afford it. I'm going to a wedding later on this year with some friends, but without DH and DD. Frankly I'm looking forward to a childfree night in the hotel, more than the wedding itself 🤣