Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Should we get rid of our nanny

75 replies

Timetomovejob · 07/10/2022 08:25

We pay €20 an hour for 40 hours a week, which I think we’re starting to find very hard to justify so not sure if I’m not thinking clearly…ideally we would have a nanny that drives but (I’ll call her) X doesn’t. The school is a 30 min walk away which is ok for pick up but feel bad making kids walk that twice a day in winter on the days she does drop off (she does two long days, 8-6, 3 short 11-5.30). When she does drop off (nursery drop off is at 9) she doesn’t come back home, it sounds like she just hangs out, meets sister for coffee until pick up at 12. We had agreed when keeping her on for 40 hours when the little one took her 3 free nursery hours that she would pick up more work in the house, but this isn’t really being done. Because she doesn’t drive we need to pay for the time it takes her to walk for the pick up (hence being paid from 11), then she’ll come home for about 12.35, then relax on her phone having lunch until she leaves for the older ones at 1.30 (we’re not in UL, earlier school finish times). She also just informed us (didn’t ask) of the dates of her holidays, one 3 week one in September, another one week in term time. We are going to struggle to cover these and may have to pay someone to do so as obviously wr want to keep our holidays for out of term time. On the other hand, the kids absolutely love her.
what do you think we should do? Are we being unfair to her or has this just run it’s course and we should either look for someone who can drive, or get an au pair possibly?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

girlmom21 · 07/10/2022 09:50

It sounds like she's taking the piss, to be honest.

Does she want to learn to drive? As it would benefit you, could you suggest she uses the 3 hour break for driving lessons?

Etinoxaurus · 07/10/2022 09:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OP obviously works, she can’t look after the children at the same time you muppet

paintitallover · 07/10/2022 10:14

I agree things don't seem to be fair for you. One thing you do need to take responsibility for is your lack of feedback and communication, though.

CircleofWillis · 07/10/2022 10:19

girlmom21 · 07/10/2022 09:50

It sounds like she's taking the piss, to be honest.

Does she want to learn to drive? As it would benefit you, could you suggest she uses the 3 hour break for driving lessons?

I think this is a great suggestion.

DeeofDenmark · 07/10/2022 10:20

Well any employee needs management, with any issues being raised so they can be addressed. It sounds like you had discussed the fact that she would pick up housework, but when she didn’t do this you just sat back and never mentioned it. Is that right because it makes no sense?

DoItAfraid · 07/10/2022 10:28

Have you ever re-addressed your expectations with her ie outlined what you want to do within the pick ups and did your contract specify how holiday requests should be handled?

I dont think she is a good fit for you - you knew you wanted a driver and so shouldn’t have taken her on.

As the kids are now attached to her I would suggest you have a meeting and outline your requirements and expectations and ask her to give any feedback from her end at the same time.

C152 · 07/10/2022 11:14

I think you're being unreasonable about the 30 min walk to/from school. That isn't far at all and it's good exercise for the kids. You also - presumably - knew she couldn't drive before you hired her, so it seems more like you're now looking for excuses to fire her.

If you have clearly set out the tasks you expect her to do when the children are at school (and you are paying for her time), and she is instead staying out to have coffee with friends, she is being unreasonable and you need to have a clear, conversation with her about the requirements of the role. What tasks do you want her to do around the home when she's not looking after the children? Prepping meals for the kids, tidying their rooms, washing the kids clothes is ok, if you've agreed upfront it's part of her role. But I wouldn't expect a nanny to also clean the whole house or do work for the adults in the family.

Noteverybodylives · 07/10/2022 11:15

Did you know she couldn’t drive when you hired her?

It would be odd if you’re annoyed at how long it’s taking her to walk etc if you knew this before hiring her.

If this situation doesn’t work for you then I would just be honest and say you are going to need someone who drives.

If you like her and want to keep her then you can give her a time frame to get pass her test and as a PP said she could do it within the 3 hours she’s waiting around.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 07/10/2022 11:27

If you need someone who drives, obviously you need to be prepared to cover their travel expenses if they are using their own car, I would encourage walking though.
You need a written contract in place as to your expectations of what happens and when. Its fine for her to take a break to have a coffee with her sister or chill on her phone, but this needs to happen during her proper break times. Walking or travelling back from school is part of her working duties, so can't be included or seen as a break, as some pp said.

SD1978 · 07/10/2022 11:32

It would be a two hour (for her) walk, with slightly less than an hour to do things at home as you want with thr three hour nursery, so I'm sorry, but that does seem pretty unreasonable. Have you asked for certain child related things to be done in the house that she isn't doing?

Choconut · 07/10/2022 11:35

The kids love her - that has to be worth trying to sort it out. Now that nursery has started why don't you tell her exactly what you'd like her to do during that time - then she can decide if she's prepared to do it.

girlmom21 · 07/10/2022 11:36

SD1978 · 07/10/2022 11:32

It'd be an hours walk total without the children so 2 hours at home

JackiePeralta · 07/10/2022 11:37

@SD1978 its a half hour walk for the kids. I suspect it’s more like 15 minutes without them, at a normal adult walking speed! Makes the return to do house based jobs (are they a part of her job description?) more feasible

cultkid · 07/10/2022 11:38

I think she isn't right for you

I would be really miffed to pay her for her time hanging out with her sister

Not sure about the comments on being a human being etc

I hope you treat her nicely but she sounds like she is taking the piss being paid like €60 whilst hanging out?

Get one that drives. Do you give them a car?

Rebecca34 · 07/10/2022 11:48

I think a 30 minute walk is fine and even healthy for kids. Assuming you are in Ireland and not the North Pole, the weather doesn't get that cold. Get good winter coats for the kids.

That 3 hour window is hardly any time at all to get stuff done, but I agree it is unreasonable for her to sit and drink coffee. Ask her if she would prefer that at time off or as work hours, but you are not in a position to pay her to drink coffee, Maybe if you give her specific jobs to do - eg today I need you to wash and put away the kids clothing, do some shopping etc. If they are not done ask her why.

Planning holidays without consulting you first is unreasonable and upsetting.

I think you would do well to write down very specifically what you need her to do.

cultkid · 07/10/2022 12:11

I think the holiday thing is a sackable too after I've thought about it for a while

She left you literally up shit creek without a paddle. Unbelievable of her.

That would be sackable

The rest, get one who drives. Give them a car to use for the kids.

2 hours walking a day for her is a lot and it's bloody wet in Ireland (I lived there for ten years!!)

Can another parent do the school run for money ? Could post on the schools Facebook page? They could do morning run
Then in the afternoon do a club at school or one that could collect them and then you collect them in the evenings your self from club.

You could maybe see if there is a mum/ dad at the school to have them after school for money and then you could hire a cleaner to take care of the cleaning at home I think this could be a cheaper option for you

cultkid · 07/10/2022 12:14

You're literally paying her €40 to walk each day. Is a taxi for the kids less? Could even send them in a taxi or find a school closer to home.

It's really important that the kids love her but for now the set up doesn't work

If you feel like you could you can talk to her about learning to drive and pay for the lessons instead of paying her for that time. Then you have to firm up the cleaning aspect or if she doesn't want to do it you pay a cleaner for that time.

Once she's learnt to drive you can get her to drive the kids to and from school. Cleaner in during the day. Split her shift or ask her to keep a tally of the hours and go out on the weekend with your husband instead?

BodenCardiganNot · 07/10/2022 13:36

I think the holiday thing is a sackable too after I've thought about it for a while
She left you literally up shit creek without a paddle. Unbelievable of her

Why is is sackable. She has given the OP 11 month's notice for a 3 week holiday she is planning to take in September. Given that she told the OP that today, then the OP has 11 months to make alternative arrangements for that period.

cultkid · 07/10/2022 13:37

@BodenCardiganNot

If it's next year then that's different but I read it as she did it in September and told her in September maybe I'm wrong

Misterno · 07/10/2022 13:43

Sounds like school wraparound care would work just as well. why not do that?

Although the hour of walking a day is good for your kids!!

Although I do agree with the PPs that you don’t speak well of her (“get rid of” etc). She’s someone who is looking after you children for you, you should be a little more respectful…

Original poster

Timetomovejob · 07/10/2022 14:23

Thanks for all the comments! To answer some of the questions:

when we hired her she was MUCH cheaper, below market rate probably, as we struggled to find someone who could drive, my DH’s business had collapsed in the pandemic so we weren’t flush (which, combined with me full time WFH, meant we could not easily do pick ups/drop offs on a wet day), now we are both way more busy, and she recently negotiated a top drawer wage increase - maybe we shouldnt have agreed to the full amount until she got her driving licence;
she’s failed her driving test twice
holidays are for next year. We didn’t fully discuss our expectations (another mistake we made) but I would have understood from previous nannies that there would be an effort to coordinate with the employer, or employer would choose 2 weeks, nanny 2 weeks
we’re really busy and could probably justify the cost of it was really reducing the burden on us, but as pp said I’m really struggling with effectively paying €80 for a school drop off (8-12)
€20 is, as far as I know top end for a nanny here, and if we were starting from scratch there is no way we would pay t for a nanny who can’t drive. But - the kids do love her. She’s also very pleasant around the house.

we do need to have a conversation with her obviously. Neither DH or me are good at hard conversations but it has to be done. It is a lot of walking for her without a car if we do insist she comes back after the morning drop off, but I guess if that doesn’t work for her, she could just decide to leave (very possible, she is no push over if things don’t suit her). The holidays aren’t great either, I know that legally employers do have to agree to when holidays can be taken.

OP posts:

ThreeImaginaryBoys · 07/10/2022 14:29

I was about to say the same thing about holidays. 2 weeks of your choosing and 2 weeks of yours is pretty standard.

I don't see the walk as a problem, but would expect her to come back and do some housekeeping in between. Once that is resolved, I would say you have a good arrangement.

ThreeImaginaryBoys · 07/10/2022 14:30

Urgh. 2 weeks of your choosing and 2 weeks of HERS.

ItsAllAboutElephants · 07/10/2022 14:35

BodenCardiganNot · 07/10/2022 08:57

Have you room for an au-pair?

Did you miss Brexit?

MrsClarkandPercy · 07/10/2022 14:40

I think you are rightly hesitating from just releasing her, because the kids love her and she's nice to have around.

This is worth a lot.

Yes you shouldn't have gone for top dollar in the pay rise, before she can drive.

Having said that, if she's failed her test twice, no way would I want her driving my kids when she's just passed ... it can be distracting in a car with kids. No way.

Given that about the driving, I think it's actually good she walks. And it is indeed good for the kids.

Personally all I would do is to have a chat with her about the housework. You could mention that you were happy to go with the pay rise, but it would be great if she could work in achieving x (whatever things you want to get done) each week, please ......

With her holiday, tell her the 3 weeks is going to be very difficult for you. Say in future can she please check with you before she books anything. Ask if she can help find someone for the 3 weeks - does she have any nanny friends, ideas, etc? Get her involved in the actual hassle of trying to replace her for 3 weeks.

I would be wanting to block in the next year or so, to avoid more surprises.

I would keep her. Because she's perfect for the most important jobs: looking after the kids. And it's really better the devil you know with nannies! : D

Flip

1 2 3