Safeguarding | Mumsnet

Andy309401 · 2022-09-17T15:46:02+00:00

My ex wife has asked me to take our 11 year old son swimming. No issues we do this regulaly. But this time she has told me to take his 11 friend. I have never met this other boy nor his family. We dont even know if he swims. Due to safeguarding i have stated that i will only take both boys if another adult is with me. My ex thinks im being unreasonable and selfish. I would appreciate advice on this. Thanks

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 17/09/2022 16:47

Safeguarding?! Unless you think you are going to cause this child harm then safeguarding has nothing to do with it. You're being weird and paranoid and very unreasonable.

bloodywhitecat · 17/09/2022 16:51

Safeguarding? How?

LIZS · 17/09/2022 16:53

What are you worried about? An 11 yo can change and dry themselves. You do need to know if child can swim and a contact number though.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 17/09/2022 16:55

What?

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 17/09/2022 16:55

They're allowed to swim without an adult from 8 yrs old so there's no safeguarding requirement in terms of Health and Safety and they're old enough to get changed by themselves so you won't need to help or see them naked. So what exactly is the concern?

walspoy · 17/09/2022 16:56

Strange

Helgadaley · 17/09/2022 16:57

How is this a safeguarding issue? Are you unable to supervise two boys at the same time?

Whatthejackdawsaw · 17/09/2022 16:57

OP doesn't want the responsibility of an 11 year old he has never met and therefore doesnt know how well he behaves/follows instructions or his skills in the water in a place where parental supervision is very important. I understand the reluctance as I'm not a strong swimmer, I don't like having responsibility for other people's children at the best of times nevermind one I haven't met before and in a place I'd be worried about him having an accident under my watch. I would be annoyed if this was sprung on me.

Thesearmsofmine · 17/09/2022 16:58

YABU, Aged 11 they go in and change by themselves before and after so you won’t be with them and in most pools they don’t need an adult in the pool with them either. Also at 11 surely you can just ask if he is a good swimmer?

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 17/09/2022 17:07

Whatthejackdawsaw · 17/09/2022 16:57

OP doesn't want the responsibility of an 11 year old he has never met and therefore doesnt know how well he behaves/follows instructions or his skills in the water in a place where parental supervision is very important. I understand the reluctance as I'm not a strong swimmer, I don't like having responsibility for other people's children at the best of times nevermind one I haven't met before and in a place I'd be worried about him having an accident under my watch. I would be annoyed if this was sprung on me.

Yes but using the word safeguarding is weird. It's as if the OP thinks safeguarding is a law or an entity of itself when in fact it just means keeping children safe. How does he think he can't keep two 11 year olds safe?

NerrSnerr · 17/09/2022 17:13

Can you just ask your son how well his friend can swim?

Eastie77Returns · 20/09/2022 23:02

Why are the parents of this boy allowing a person they have never met before to take their child swimming?

OP, I think you are right to be wary. The whole set up is odd. You know nothing whatsoever about him and I wouldn’t want to take responsibility for a child under those circumstances. I would never take a child out on a trip if I had not so much as spoken to their parents.

And if this child was an 11 year old girl, every single person who has responded so far and dismissed the OP’s concern would do an about turn and insist it’s completely inappropriate for him to take her swimming. But a boy? Absolutely fine to be taken out by a complete stranger!

Eddieisadick · 20/09/2022 23:05

You’re worried you might be sexually or physically appropriate with him?

ask his parents if he can swim. He’s not a baby. Grow up

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 20/09/2022 23:06

LMAO no, that note won't get you out of PE. Go and get changed and stop being a silly billy.

Eddieisadick · 20/09/2022 23:07

And if this child was an 11 year old girl, every single person who has responded so far and dismissed the OP’s concern would do an about turn and insist it’s completely inappropriate for him to take her swimming. But a boy? Absolutely fine to be taken out by a complete stranger

it’s not a complete stranger. If my ex husband had a good friend with a child who was friends with my child I would happily let her go swim with him. They’re 11 not tiny children

magma32 · 20/09/2022 23:14

Eastie77Returns · 20/09/2022 23:02

Why are the parents of this boy allowing a person they have never met before to take their child swimming?

OP, I think you are right to be wary. The whole set up is odd. You know nothing whatsoever about him and I wouldn’t want to take responsibility for a child under those circumstances. I would never take a child out on a trip if I had not so much as spoken to their parents.

And if this child was an 11 year old girl, every single person who has responded so far and dismissed the OP’s concern would do an about turn and insist it’s completely inappropriate for him to take her swimming. But a boy? Absolutely fine to be taken out by a complete stranger!

My thoughts exactly. Really odd for people to be minimising this.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 21/09/2022 08:36

Eastie77Returns · 20/09/2022 23:02

Why are the parents of this boy allowing a person they have never met before to take their child swimming?

OP, I think you are right to be wary. The whole set up is odd. You know nothing whatsoever about him and I wouldn’t want to take responsibility for a child under those circumstances. I would never take a child out on a trip if I had not so much as spoken to their parents.

And if this child was an 11 year old girl, every single person who has responded so far and dismissed the OP’s concern would do an about turn and insist it’s completely inappropriate for him to take her swimming. But a boy? Absolutely fine to be taken out by a complete stranger!

No they wouldn't!
he's the father of one of the child's friends not a stranger, and they are 11 and capable of changing without help! There is nothing wrong with this situation whether boy or girl.

PAFMO · 21/09/2022 08:40

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 17/09/2022 17:07

Yes but using the word safeguarding is weird. It's as if the OP thinks safeguarding is a law or an entity of itself when in fact it just means keeping children safe. How does he think he can't keep two 11 year olds safe?

Show quote history

In fairness, 90% of MN think that lots of things are safeguarding issues when they aren't.
(I'm safeguarding lead at school)

POTC · 21/09/2022 08:40

Two 11yr olds can walk into a leisure centre and go for a swim without a parent present so I don't see how you're having to take responsibility at all? I'd want a contact number for them but that's all. And no, my answer would not be different if it were a girl.

Eastie77Returns · 21/09/2022 10:14

I stand by my belief that reactions here would be different if the child was a girl. And I’m staggered at the number of people who would allow their child to go off with a person they have never met before.

I opened a thread a while back about a friend & school dad I have known for over 10 years taking my DD to a swimming lesson along with his child and another (it was a rota basis with me and another mum taking turns to take the children). My DP was against the idea for no other reason than it made him uncomfortable. I was ripped to shreds by Mumsnetters who told me DP was right, I was irresponsible and an awful parent for allowing a man ‘unspervised access’ to my DD. This despite the fact he would be sitting in the swimming pool cafe for the duration and wouldn’t be anywhere near a changing room.

No-one on the thread had an issue with the school mums taking the children and very few posters thought the other children, who are boys, would be in any danger from this supposedly predatory dad.

NuffSaidSam · 21/09/2022 10:34

I don't think there's a safeguarding concern assuming both boys are normally developing 11 year olds. They should be completely self-sufficient, you wouldn't even need to get in the pool with them/go near the changing rooms so I can't see there is any issue there.

I do agree that it's not really on for you ex to dictate how you spend your time with your son though and definitely not ok for her to sign you up to look after someone else's child, so say no if you want to. But don't dress it up as a safeguarding concern, that's just weird!