Dislike MIL but she's offering free childcare

[Sipsupsip]

The relationship between MIL and I broke down a couple of years ago. I have almost nothing to do with her. I had a baby about 9 months ago and we are thinking about childcare solutions for my return to work.
MIL has offered to have him for a couple of days a week. She really does love the baby and sees him for a couple of hours on Saturdays and Sundays when DH goes to visit her.
Additional info: DH currently pays for MILs bills and rent as she has no other income.
So, in theory we could afford full time nursery childcare but can't really due to this expense.

So, my question to you wise MNeters... What issues do you foresee in this set up? Am I mad?
Logistically DH would do drop off and pickups.
Ta

No way would I put a baby in the care of someone I had such a poor relationship with.

Trust and communication are absolutely key.

No way. Stop paying her bills - you and DH need to look after your own household first, then any extra can go towards helping others.

You don't like the woman and don't speak to her, but would happily use her for childcare? As for your husband paying the rent and bills for his mum - isn't she able to work at all? Doesn't she get any type of benefits?

Have you thought about what happens if she gets ill and/or can't do childcare on the days she has offered? What about if she changes her mind once your baby gets more of a handful e.g. terrible twos and beyond? How would you discuss what is appropriate in terms of discipline, food, exercise, tv, days out etc etc

Unless you can repair your relationship with your MIL you're taking a huge risk imo

I think it depends why you dont speak with her.

if you have no concerns leaving child with her and DH can do the pickups I don’t see why she shouldn’t have DC.

Depends on why. I wouldn't leave my baby with someone I don't like but depends on why you fell out

That childcare won't be free - even discounting that your dh is already paying for it in cash. You'll pay in spades for it.

I cannot imagine leaving my child with someone I dislike so much I have cut most contact with her.

Why did your relationship break down?

Hmm. I do agree with PPs that I think it depends why you don’t speak. If she’s fundamentally not a bad person, but you are just too different to ever get along then maybe it could work.

However, I’m genuinely not sure I would ever rely on a casual arrangement with one person for childcare. Even someone I get on very well with. What happens if and when it breaks down? If she finds it too much? If she’s sick? Out of you and DH, who is going to be responsible for missing work at short notice?

Sounds like you’re a bit tied though if you can’t afford childcare because of her bills and rent. I feel for you.

Even if you dislike her, you can believe and know she’d be an excellent grandmother. Personally, I’d let her care for the baby one day a week only.

It's unbelievable that your dh pays all your MIL's bills and rent. Why on earth?

Hell no. If you can't even find it in yourself to be courteous to this woman – and I'm not blaming you, I don't know the reasons – then wine earth would you want her looking after your child, alone?

Problems my clients have had using grandparents:-
You survived feeding/sleeping on pillows/playing near glass closh in garden/dummy in alcohol, no car seats
I'm on duty so my rules....spoiling, behaviour.
Feeding rubbish against parents wishes , taking to pub, infront of TV all day, put to bed for afternoon nap 2 hours aged 4,
Don't listen to mummy nanny loves you best, along with meany old mummy etc.
Shh don't tell mummy/daddy....treats against parental wishes.
Grandparent over riding parent with school nursery
Language issues .....my house I'll sware etc.
Smoking issues

So if shes not on board with your parenting I would be wary.

Dear god no.

Why would you consider this? You don’t like her, why would you leave your precious baby with her?!

If your household can no longer afford to fund her because you’ve got a baby and life is inevitably more expensive then she’ll need to find alternative help. don’t sacrifice your career to stay at home if that’s the alternative because DH is prioritising his mother over you and your child.

Won’t work mate.
You don’t wanna talk to her so why’d you want her to look after your most precious thing?

We fell out because she tried to pressure us into having a child. She was desperate for DGC. She said some very nasty things about me and my family. And also had issues with me taking her son away from her as their relationship changed after we got married. She's Pakistani and these things are quite common in our community (sadly).
We are in a difficult situation financially and can't really afford full time childcare without cutting her off financially - which DH would never do.

*why, not wine

If your DH will not cut her off financially, then he needs to come up with another solution that does not involve her looking after your child.

She doesn't like you. No don't leave your kid with her. Tell your husband to find another solution.

You need to be able to trust those looking after your child with your life. If you don't then they shouldn't be looking after your child

Having read your reasons for falling out with with her, she does not sound like the kind of person who should be looking after your child. It really will end in tears! Probably yours.

And if she has no income is she not entitled to benefits?

Absolutely. When he wanted a baby how did he expect the finances to work?

She does receive benefits but these go on her personal expenses like food/clothes/household stuff.

What was his plan? Was he always intending to have his horrible mother doing childcare even though she’s been revolting to his wife/mother of his child?