Nursery, DS and me?

[Donbean]

Im in a bit of a tiz. I am thinking of sending DS (17 months) to nursery for 1 afternoon a week.
Not because i have work commitments but for a few reasons:

1. i have been feeling very very guilty lately that i dont do enough with him outside the home.ie park,walks etc. 2)i think that he is ready for more stimulation than just i can offer him.
2. i have finally conceeded that i do need a break from him and he from me. I have a million worries flying around my head about this. The nursery i have in mind is 10mins from home and a friends child goes there and seems quite happy with it. But what if they dont look after him properly, what if he wants me while he is there and im not there for him, what if he thinks ive left/abandoned him, what if someone is horrible to him or upsets him?????? I feel guilty for the fact that i will be taking him there and dont NEED to as its not for the purposes of work. There is a playschool at the end of my road attached to the little school that i want him to go to. I would like him to go to that play school but they dont take children unless they are 2years and 2 months. He will be ready for this next September. If i start him at the nuserey 10mins from home now, will it be a wrench and unsettling to then start him somewhere new in a year? I have always thought that if i am at home then he should be there with me. Has any one else felt like this? What do you think, is it the right move to make or not. Why do i feel so bloody guilty ALL the time about every thing?

Could you not go to more things? Music/gym classes? Or toddler groups? I would go mad if I didn't these things. Theres nothing that nurseries offer that you can't get elsewhere, except the break for you. If you can afford it and need the break (who doesn't) why not? I can't afford it but I do leave my 17 month year old at the creche at a gym which gives me a bit of a breather. Althoguh I have to exercise

You are right but im finding them a struggle. We go swimming every week, i pay for these in advance so HAVE to go IYSWIM.(im a big mamma so it takes some guts to get in a cossy i can tell you)
We started a toddler group every Friday but im finding it difficult to break the ice with the mothers. Im not sure of any other activities available around here, how would i find that out? I would MUCH MUCH prefer to do other activities than leave him some where.
Thanks x

It sounds to me as though you might both get something out of this one session a week. Ds gets to play in a new environment and you get a break. Could you arrange a trial session with the nursery to see how it goes? If either of you are unhappy with the way the trial goes then you haven't really lost anything by it.

I understand a bit about the worry of switching groups later. My ds2 (22mths) may have a place at a group which takes children from 2yrs old for a short session once a week. At 2yrs 6mths he will be eligible to attend the playgroup that his older brother went too. The staff at the playgroup are excellent and did so much to help ds1 that I'd like ds2 to have the same opportunity. Of course it does mean that he'll have to switch groups after only 5 months or so.

I know exactly how you feel about toddler groups

I had to force myself to go with DS No one talked to me {for 2 years}really. I kept going every Tuesday and would follow DS round to what he wanted to play with rather than sit in mums circle. I kept telling myself it was all for him and that I had to go. I also went to NCT and a group thing which I think was called LINK UP, met in different peoples houses.

I hated those too but forced myself to go. I am big too so never took DS swimming.

I did have one group that was set up by HV at the surgery and they were friends for years. All the babies were same age and first time mums.

I think that if you want to have some time to yourself and also for your baby to go to solialise then Nursery will be good.

One of my friends who is a grandmother with gdd and gds says she feels guilty even now about stuff. If she wants some time to herself and is asked to look after grandchildren she feels guilty.

She says being a parent then grandparent is GUILT GUILT GUILT so we have got it for many years to come.

Hope you come to the right desision for you and your family after all it is personal choice.

Yes, thanks for that.
I think that i will get in touch with my health visitor and ask her if she knows of any clubs etc. That will be a good place to start. Also will bear in mind the trial sessions, thanks coppertop.

aah that must be hard, I'm spoilt for choice here! Although some are very pricey. I am lucky in that theres a under 5s organisation that tells you whats on but I also look at library and church hall/community hall notice boards and often I use it as an ice breaker with other mums. Theres also national things like tumbletots and gymboree but they maybe london based, am not sure. Council web sites often list toddler groups too. My YMCA runs classes too.

Thats great Jane313, i will surf council websites as im sure that there must be more out there, im just not aware of them. Like you say nursery is pricey and the money could be better spent elsewhere.

The local nct might have info too. Mine runs a play session, not just for babies but toddlers too. You could ask at the play school too as they may know about activities. I think I would feel guilty too but then if I had a mother/family friend who looked after him sometimes I wouldn't then!

I feel a complete lack of motivation to do any thing most days, especially when its horrid outside. I have a huge overwhelming feeling of guilt to match that though. Ideally i want to be commited to doing something every day, so that he is getting fresh air, excersize and stimulation.
Although not a particularly shy person, i have found that my confidence isnt as it was since going to the toddler play group on a Friday. Its hard work.I go because Ds needs it full stop.

Ok, firstly ive come to a decision. Im not going to put DS in the nursery as i think that something that makes me feel so uncomfortable cant be right.
Secondly, im getting off my backside and im trawling every where for information on activities that are available for me and DS out there.
I cant understand why its so difficult to gain such info. Its like a big secret or something!
We went to swimming class this morning and there are a couple of new ladies so i asked them if they take thier little ones any where.
Also have got the number for tumble tots and im going to make it my mission to go there.
So, we are going to be busy with no more huge guilt feelings any more.....PHEW!!!!!

Congratulations on your descision - I think you will find it is the right one for you......

Tumble Tots is great. No-one speaks to me when I am there but it doesn't really matter because it is such a short session and you're not really there to socialise like with a playgroup.

I'm sure there must be a music class in your area, they have sprung up everywhere.

Are you a member of the NCT? Our local NCT booklet, that we get every 3 months, lists activities in there.

Have you got a big health centre near you? Their notice boards will often list preschool activities, as will the library noticeboard.

Do you take your son to the library? My local library does a bump and rhyme session every fortnight for children not old enough for story-time. Also, the library is a good place to go when it is raining. Me and my dd can kill a good hour of time in the library. And on top of that, a large library will advertise toddler activities.

Ask your HV too. I ma sure there is a lot more going on than you realise. I agree, it is difficult when there is no one central place for mothers to look for this information.