Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Flip

Original poster

Hertfordshire mums help!

24 replies

Ylenia90 · 08/09/2022 17:23

Hi mums, I introduce myself, I'm a 32 years old mum of 2 boys, one is 3 years old and the youngest is 15 months old and we live in a town in Hertfordshire (UK). I started recently working from home as a multilingual support advisor and I'm finding it really challenging. I'm not planning of sending my kids to nursery/school as I'm planning to homeschool them. My level of stress is reaching a very high level right now and I'm afraid to fail my family and not being able to be the best mother I can. My children need a lot of attention all day long and it's hard for me to set boundaries, I need to be concentrate on what I do, but I can feel that they feel ignored and rejected. On top of this, I don't have any friends where I live, the only person I have around is my husband and I feel lonely and isolated.

I was thinking of creating a net of other mothers with children of the same age that stay home or also mums that are currently working (from home or not) and try to build a routine together, get to know each other and having them coming home whilst I work so the children can be together, play together and I can have the peace of mind to work, knowing my children won't feel the weight of being lonely and isolated. The problem is... I don't know anyone and I don't even know where to start 😫 any mum of 1 to 3 years old from my area that would like to link up? 💞

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Sluj · 08/09/2022 17:36

I think you have set yourself an impossible mission. 2 toddlers, working from home and a plan to homeschool. Not really feasible, I'm afraid and no wonder, none of you feel it is working.

Original poster

Ylenia90 · 08/09/2022 19:08

I know, I didn't want to work but I need to work... my husband asked me to work as he can't afford to keep paying everything on his own and despite both of us working we are still very far away from "seeing the end of the tunnel" of our financial struggle... that's the problem! If I could I would stay at home with my children and be just a mum! I don't have any other ambition either than be the best mother for my kids but unfortunately our financial circumstances forced me to change my plans 😢

OP posts:

ThickCutSteakChips · 08/09/2022 19:12

Why don't you want to send your kids to school?

You won't be able to work and homeschooling them long term.

Original poster

Ylenia90 · 08/09/2022 19:18

Cause I don't like the school system and I've always had the plan to homeschool my kids! It has always been the plan... It just got ruined by the wage reduction of my husband and some other severe issues that occurred in our life that made us fall into a very bad financial situation... I hope we will get to a point where I will be able to quit my job

OP posts:

FourOclock · 08/09/2022 19:21

I'm in Hertfordshire with similar age children and they go to a forest school setting which is much more home ed friendly than some other preschools/nurseries. Might be a good compromise if you have to work? They do home ed sessions as well for older children

Original poster

Ylenia90 · 08/09/2022 19:24

Which part of Herts is this? I'm in Hemel...

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/09/2022 19:24

Are you claiming any benefits you’re entitled to? You’ve got way too much on your plate. You won’t feel like you’re winning at either being a mum or a worker. Can you look at working nights or weekends so you and your husband can tag team work and kids?

Original poster

Ylenia90 · 08/09/2022 19:39

What benefits? A part from child benefits I don't get anything... we were on UC but those money were not even close to be enough for us... and trust me, we don't have any fancy life, we barely go anywhere, we don't buy anything expensive, we barely buy ourselves clothes! We just focus on provide everything we can for the kids, we put them first, always

OP posts:

SavingsThreads · 08/09/2022 19:54

Why have you come off UC? OP there's no way you can home school young children while working full time standard hours. It's like having too full time jobs you do simultaneously! Not possible and likely to end in upset or being fired

Original poster

Ylenia90 · 08/09/2022 20:27

We didn't come out of it but we are not getting anything as apparently we are earning too much. But think yea, I got paid on the 31st and now we are on the 8th and I have a little bit less of 1/5 of my wages left. And this just for paying rent, phone bills and shopping for 2 weeks whilst my husband is dealing with council tax, car finance, water and energy bills, home WiFi (I need it for work and I get back £20 of it from my employer), petrol to run the car and go to and from work mostly... he get paid weekly and at the end of every week he is left with £5 on average to live on for the rest of the days till the next payday... it's actually terrible bit according to UC we earn enough combined....

OP posts:

Original poster

Ylenia90 · 08/09/2022 20:28

I forgot to add that I get paid the last day of the month so now I have like £300 left that will have to last me till the 30th of September.

OP posts:

satelliteheart · 08/09/2022 20:32

Are you seriously trying to make friends with total strangers so they can provide free childcare for you?! That seems very inappropriate. You need actual childcare or to stop work and be a sahm, you can't try to make new friends just so they can look after your kids while you work

Mumspair1 · 08/09/2022 20:41

This seems like the worst possible set up. You are isolated and you will be isolating your children as well. Where do you expect to develop their socializing if you know no-one. You have two very young children, a Job, no support system, want to isolate them and homeschool with no plan around that. No wonder you are overwhelmed- it's crazy.

Original poster

Ylenia90 · 08/09/2022 20:42

No, that is not my intention. Creating a network doesn't mean I'm trying to get childcare for free! I'm trying to create a network of mutual help even because I don't have any friends at all here! I don't use people, I'm not that kind of person! And also why would I do that? Just bringing into my house some random stranger to have free childcare? This is not the sense of my request but it's ok, forget it... if this is the way people feel about it I might just take back everything I said. I feel after this covid people have just became so aggressive and malicious towards others... it is so sad 😣

OP posts:

Walrus6 · 08/09/2022 20:43

The education system in this country might not be perfect but nursery and school will provide a better learning environment for your children than being suck at home on their own whilst you’re working.

Keep the job, sort out childcare and then reevaluate if your circumstances change. You can’t do it all.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/09/2022 20:47

Of course you can't work and look after 2 toddlers at the same time. It's not possible. But, if your husband thinks it is, that's sorted- he can take the children to work with him. No? Why not?

Original poster

Ylenia90 · 08/09/2022 20:48

My mother didn't had any friends when she moved in with my father into his region... she was far away from everyone, no friends, no family... actually my father's family never liked her because she was "a foreign" and also she had to work, just like me... so she was good enough to create a network of mums that had kids of similar age that were helping eschother and some of those mums are still friends to nowadays and so are me and some of those kids... the problem is we are all over the places... some are still back home, some are abroad like me, one of guy of that group of children now lives in Australia! I thought it was something possible and actually nice but maybe times have changed for worse.

OP posts:

Magenta82 · 08/09/2022 20:52

I could barely cope doing a few KIT days working from home with a 10 month old, I have no idea why you think this could work!

I'm only down the road from you but don't want anything to do with this crazy set up!

You are setting yourself up to fail and will make you all miserable.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/09/2022 21:01

Your village/city/town will have a local Facebook group, start there.

I was trying to be helpful by suggesting applying for benefits if you hadn’t yet done it as you say how much you’re struggling on your earnings. Is your husband job hunting if he needs to earn more? Could he take a second job to take the pressure off?

He can’t insist you do all the childcare and work, it’s completely unrealistic.

Original poster

Ylenia90 · 08/09/2022 21:03

I know Anne you were trying to be helpful and I thank you for that. Unfortunately he can't do another job for unexpected health issue that we didn't expected at all. He can barely keep his primary job at the moment and he is really brave in doing that...

OP posts:

33goingon64 · 08/09/2022 21:04

Your desire to homeschool doesn't mix with your need to work. Ask any parent who tried to do homeschooling and work during lockdown. We all went crazy. I think you need to drop the dream of homeschooling. The utopian set up you describe might have existed in the 1970s but I can't see it working these days.

Original poster

Ylenia90 · 08/09/2022 21:04

What other benefits there are out there a part from child benefits? I don't have much knowledge about this unfortunately 😔

OP posts:

Hohofortherobbers · 08/09/2022 21:10

You should park the homeschooling plan for now, get the kids on nursery and earn as much as possible. Revisit the plan in a year or so.

Geranium1984 · 08/09/2022 21:11

No way you can work from home with a toddler (or 2!) I've got a 2yo and he is in nursery whilst I work 3 days. I'll be off on mat leave soon for the second and plan to keep his nursery days and get a mothers help in for a few hours on the days where I'll have two at home on my own as I'm terrified of having two to juggle on my own 😅

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread