Taking at 17month old to a funeral

[mc260]

Had my partners grandmas funeral on Friday and MIL has asked for me to bring my 17month old. But he cannot sit still and constantly shouts, runs around and hits stuff. But got asked if I can just take him outside and wait there if he gets disruptive, but I'm 7 weeks pregnant and completely knackered with bad morning sickness and want to be there to support my partner who's really upset. We all live so local and my parents are about and said they'll look after him and drop him off as soon as ceremony is over so he can come to the wake. Partner agrees as he wants to be able to focus on saying goodbye to his nan without the stress of the little one causing chaos, but MIL wants him there. Should I take him or leave him with my parents until the wake?

Leave him with your parents until the wake.
Even if the gran is your mil's mother, it's not her decision to make.

In my experience, babies and toddlers aren't great at funerals, but are a delightful thing to have at the wake.

I would leave him with your parents until the wake or even after the wake. It would be so stressful for you having him at the service. It's a really sad time for everyone involved and you will be really on edge plus you are already feeling rough with morning sickness. It's not fair your MIL is putting you in this position. I would say no it's not going to work

Leave him with your parents. i had to take Dts to DH's nan's funeral at a similar age as we had no childcare. I had to stay outside in the 'crying room' which was fine.

They were a lovely distraction to have at the wake.

I personally don't think little children should be at funerals full stop. Even with no childcare, I think the non blood relative should take the toddler. When grieving and in the middle of an important service, little children should not be shouting. And I say this as someone who works and loves little children and I never ever think they should be seen and not heard but this is one situation that I think every effort should be made for them not to be there. But yes at the wake I think it's lovely 😊

I didn't even take our then 3 year old to my own mums funeral.

She came to the wake and brightened everybody's day there.

We wanted to be fully present and in the moment at my mums service. My daughter wouldn't of had a clue what was going on and hates to see us all upset anyway.

Absolutely - leave with your parents and have him pop along and provide light and life at the wake ❤️

Just don't.

I clearly remember, after my father's memorial which was disrupted by my cousin's daughter, standing outside storming 'WHO THE FUCK BRINGS A TODDLER TO A MEMORIAL?!'* Just don't do it - even if your MIL wants him there, there may be others who won't appreciate it at all.

• (Not at her, I should add, at friends who were there for moral support.)

Yeah, I'd avoid the wake, too...
I'm sure your daughter is a delight, @jmscp , but a wake is not the place for a toddler to brighten everyone's day.

@Johnnysgirl my mum was only 60 when she died very suddenly in an accident.

She was a beautiful and vivacious woman who wouldn't want people sat around with faces like slapped arses drinking tea and talking in hushed voices. We had a beautiful service and then a CELEBRATION of her life.

Oh and she's my daughter, her beloved granddaughter, my grieving dads granddaughter... etc etc.

So absolutely stick that in your pipe.

Vile.

I took my 2 year old to a funeral of a family member of DP in similar circumstances. My family are not here in Scotland though, so I had very limited options anyway. He was a maggot and I had to take him out. I was very unfamiliar with the area but found a Morrisons, got a few things and took him to the cafe. Not ideal. I would leave him with your parents, or if you take him, have a plan so you are not stuck in the foyer or something.