Routines and Understanding

[juliet2016]

Hello. I am a mum of a daughter who is ten. I have suffered a breakdown in the past and I have had trauma nearly all my life. I am recently divorced and it was a traumatic experience for both myself and my daughter. I am wondering what other parents routines are with a ten year old and eleven year old?. My daughter lives on her computer and does nothing else, I try to break her day up by doing reading or colouring but she is not interested. We are both isolated and have no friends with Kids at the same age. I was doing a house sitting pet sitting job as I was ploughing through my trauma, but now I realise I cant do it anymore as my daughter needs me, I hardly get to see my daughter as she prefers to be on her own with the Roblox or making Kids Youtube Videos.

Maybe repost in parenting for advice as this is for childcare settings so not quite the advice you're looking for

How are you fixed financially?
Would she go to dance lessons or a martial art class, art class, speech and drama (since she likes doing the youtube videos) or something like that?
Maybe have a movie night once a week.
A girly pampering session. Painting nails and a mini pedicure at home?
Also getting out in the fresh air for walks?
Cooking with you?

I've reposted it to the parenting section I am asking advice.

Is she sporty or arty/creative?
Is she outgoing or quiet?

Thank you for your message. I have just got confused with things as I was going one hundred miles per hour trying to overcome trauma and I tried out for a year with housesitting and pet sitting and took my daughter with me and we stayed in some lovely houses. I realise now I need to look for alternative work as my daughter needs her own flat and belongings and surroundings. I do go for walks, but she refuses to go, we do go to the play park. My husband had terrible mental health and he didnt like women, I had a bad marriage. I now need to repair the relationship with my daughter and get through my mental block to be able to interact and play with her. I am seeing what others are doing. I dont have much money but she is going to start gymnastics trial class next week. She is scared of children as she is being bullied because she has some mental health issues and Kids can be cruel so she dont really like being in classes and she needs to improve on her self esteem and confidence. My daughter is lost in life.

Do you have a permanent home?

She might like speech and drama as it's great to build their confidence. The gymnastics sounds brilliant too as kids don't get enough exercise these days.
What hobbies has she enjoyed so far? It would be great to build on those.

I dont call it a permanent home as no one wants us there, we were homeless and we got a council flat. I call it a stepping stone. We are in a block of flats with people who swear at their kids and do drugs and alchohol. They dont like us as we talk better and we value ourselves not to do what they are doing, so they dont want us there. Its not up to them though, they are clicky. It is the councils flat not theirs.

Well that's good at least that you've somewhere fixed.
Have either of you had any therapy?
I'm not sure if there are charities who offer therapy to children after divorce.

Is her father still in her life? If so, what's that relationship like?
Does she enjoy school?
Has she no friends at all?
You both sound quite vulnerable.

Have you had some therapy since your marriage break up OP? You definitely need some and it would help you and ultimately your daughter. There's loads of low-cost therapy out there if you Google in your area, sometimes free or just £5 a session if you're struggling or on benefits. I urge you to repair yourself snd your trauma so that you can better parent your daughter.

Another good source is the book called "the book you wish your parents had read" by Phillips Perry which you can buy on Amazon, which would probably help you to think about how to reset your relationship.

Agree with others about getting her into as as many community groups and hobby activities as possible.

I work with tween / teenagers and I do think she probably needs some counselling too given everything you've said. One step at a time though. Good luck x