should I move them from nursery when they seem happy?

[elliott]

OK here's my dilemma - ds1 (nearly 3) and ds2 (nearly 1) go 3 days/wk to nursery. They seem happy there but recently I have been gripped with guilt about all the research I've read which suggests that nursery care isn't great for babies (and its not just the research, my gut feeling says that a home based environment is better for preschoolers). So I've been trying to arrange a childminder, but its getting complicated and I might not find one who can take them both, leading to extra hassles in terms of pick up/drop off.

I wonder if I am worrying unnecessarily and just feeling a bit guilty about the compromise with all childcare arrangements. After all they do SEEM quite happy to go to nursery. I can't put my finger on my unease - I suppose the baby room is very big and I worry that ds2 (who demands very litte attention anyway) won't be getting much love and attention from anyone. For ds1 I can really see the benefits of nursery, but I would prefer him not to be there for 8 hours at a time!

Am I just being silly or should I try to get a better deal for my kids - keep thinking they're only little once etc etc. Not really in a position to give up work (don't want to) - is it too much to want to be 100% happy with the alternative?

Should add that I think it IS a good nursery, its just nursery care in general that I am feeling misgivings about.

Well, childcare should be about what makes you happy. If your gut feeling is that it isn't right, then look for something that is.

I read/hear the research too, but I know we have made the right decision with ds going to nursery. My brothers and I can talk for hours about how bitter we are still about our childminders. But my little brother eventually went to nursery and loved it and still talks about how great it was. His character changed and he became a happy, caring, sociable little boy (characteristics he still has). I know that some people have completely the opposite experience, but this is why I personally am happier with nursery. If you personally don't like/have gone off the idea of nursery, then it probably is worth having a look around.

Elliott -

I would say it's better if they are happy and settled at the same nursery to keep them there - settling children into new places is always a wrench (especially for a 12 month old) and will be more difficult if you end up with a childcare arrangement that is complicated - at least now they are in the same place with continuous care through the day.

But I think you need to analyse a bit more why you feel uneasy about your nursery and what you mean by 'better deal for your kids'. Maybe you could talk to them about ds2 and the kind of attention he's getting from staff?

I can't do links but there is some new research the Guardian today which suggests that children who go to nursery really do benefit from it - they followed 3000 children over 7 years in a variety of childcare settings.

I am pro GOOD nurseries myself although I did have a childminder for dd 2 until she went to nursery at 14 months - I felt happier that she started once she was able to move around independently and was starting to talk. My ds also started at 12 months and was at the same nursery until september when he started school - dd's childminder now drops him at school some days so she is still involved with our family. They loved being there together and ds loves going to nursery to pick up dd - it's a lovely place with v caring and enthusiatic staff.

Fwiw, I think you are just suffering maternal guilt. I reckon all of use who have are kids in childcare (be it nanny, childminder, nursery.... whatever) feel this from time to time. I could have written your post myself (My 2.4 year old and 7 month old go to nursery 3 days per week) - I worry about them and whether they are appropriately stimulated etc - and especially worry about the baby (well they are little and vulnerable aren't they) and yet both are happy to be dropped off, and when I go to collect them I never find them distraught / unsettled.

I think maternal guilt comes with the territory, and because you feel this way doesn't in reality mean that you are short changing your kids in any way. Basically we are 'programmed' to worry about our little 'uns

hi there, thanks for the responses. I read the Guardian articles and they reassured me a little, but I still think the 'ideal' would be for a sole carer in the early years and then to access part time pre-school (say half a day) once they are two ish. But life can't always be ideal can it?
I suppose I should be thankful that they ARE happy at nursery - I've never had to cope with a child who was overtly upset or didn't want me to leave him there. I have ds2's development meeting soon so I will be able to have a good chat to his keyworker then, which will probably reassure me. In the meantime, I will continue investigate childminders just to put my mind at rest (after all if I can't find anything I like better, then they must be in the best place mustn't they?) and hope that I will be able to find a vacancy for when they start school.