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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Grandparent Babysitting Query

45 replies

OurLittleFamily · 03/07/2022 20:10

Hi all, I'm just wondering if its possible to ask for some peoples views in regards to a grandparent babysitting for us,

we have 2 very well behaved young children and we very very rarely ask for any assistance from our parents for babysitting (2 or 3 times a year at the most and i cannot count more than 10 times in the 5 years they have been on the planet) mainly due to not being asked (from there part) and there is some distance involved (around an hour drive) and also not wanting to put them out,

We have a wedding coming up for a close family friend and have asked a grandparent if it would be possible to watch the boys for the day so we can attend (as the wedding is adult only) to which the reply has been yes for £20 a day,

We would never expect any of our parents to be out of pocket looking after our children we would always offer to cover all costs (petrol, food anything that would be incurred) but this response has left us quite hurt that bearing in mind we ask so little that our children are thought of as more of a transaction than who they actually are to them, (grandchildren)

We don't question that they don't love our children but it just feels wrong to me, and should feel more of an honour then a chore.

Are we wrong? or does anyone else agree with how we feel? I completely understand if this was a weekly basis but its 2-3 times a year at the very very most, (for 1 day or night)

The money is not really the issue we are happy to pay but it just feels wrong to me.

Thank you,

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lking679 · 03/07/2022 20:13

I find it very odd, are they asking so they can cover travel costs?
But what can you do, it’s cheaper than anything else and I’d just say okay and file it in the ‘what the hell is that about?’ section of my brain.

Original poster

OurLittleFamily · 03/07/2022 20:20

Well we offered to drop the children to them, 🤷🏻 the wedding is closer to the
them it is us, and on the rare occasions they have come to us we have always given petrol money,

OP posts:

WhatsInAMolatovMocktail · 03/07/2022 20:20

That’s fairly odd, but people can be a bit odd. Maybe they are struggling with the rising cost of living? Petrol is a lot these days.Anyway I’d pay it. I’d probably add something extra so it didn’t feel weird - some chocolates, some cash to take the kids out for an ice cream or buy a take away or something.

Disneygirl37 · 03/07/2022 20:26

I would be really upset by that, unless they are really struggling financially and want some money to do something with the kids.

Original poster

OurLittleFamily · 03/07/2022 20:27

We don't think money is an issue, they are making an income from rentals and are currently choosing not to work (well under the retirement age) we just feel like our children are being seen as a business transaction rather than them wanting to spend quality time with them. Thank you,

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DisforDarkChocolate · 03/07/2022 20:30

I'm baffled they even take petrol money. Especially when they are only an hour away, that's not far at all.

Myleakycauldron · 03/07/2022 20:30

I would be offended and would rather pay someone else to do it tbh. If they don't want to spend time with their GC or don't want to babysit (fair enough, their prerogative ) they should just say no, to ask for money is bizarre.

Thack · 03/07/2022 20:33

Ask to see their DBS and for references.
That's babysitting, not looking after family!

I'd be offended, but I'm not sure there's much you could say.

GiltEdges · 03/07/2022 20:34

We don't question that they don't love our children but it just feels wrong to me, and should feel more of an honour then a chore.

I mean I was with you, up to this. Babysitting is hardly an honour is it?

Original poster

OurLittleFamily · 03/07/2022 20:43

Thank you all, we appreciate the replies and help its just nice to know we are not completely mad thinking this,

😂 GiltEdges, well we just thought as they very rarely see them, they would enjoy spending some quality time with them. They are very well behaved children.

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iwannascream · 03/07/2022 20:45

Are you sure that it wasn't said in jest as my dad and my husband would say something like this. However I would expect my kids and their wives to know this and hopefully laugh. Was it your parents or your husbands that said it ?

Igmum · 03/07/2022 20:49

I'd be a bit upset tbh. Would probably stump up the £20 and lump it but it would definitely leave a nasty taste in my mouth.

Eviebeans · 03/07/2022 20:50

We look after our grandchildren quite a lot, and although it's not a financial transaction its definitely not what I would call an honour. We do live very close to them. Being totally honest there are times when it's more fun than others although we love them dearly. If it's only a few times a year I'm surprised that they're not more keen to see them.

WindmillsOfMyMind44 · 03/07/2022 20:59

Did they make the £20 comment as a joke perhaps? If not, it's very odd.

woodhill · 03/07/2022 21:00

I find that awful and very mercenary

Original poster

OurLittleFamily · 03/07/2022 21:01

Its my parents, but no sadly it definitely wasn’t said in jest, it was just said quite bluntly in a text message from my mother.

I think we may try and find a babysitter locally for the day.

We don't want to be awkward but more so because we are a little upset as we feel like we are forcing them to look after them when it seems like they don't want too.

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iwannascream · 03/07/2022 21:08

I'm so sorry your mum has said this to you in such a way thats t's hurt you. I would see if you can get a babysitter locally and possibly lower your contact with your parents till you have calmed down and stopped hurting as much.

Original poster

OurLittleFamily · 03/07/2022 21:09

Okay with honour maybe that was the wrong word, 😂 i just thought more along the lines of it being privilege as they don't see them very often.

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Drivebye · 03/07/2022 21:09

It is odd because it's not the norm. However given the current cost of childcare, carers etc it might actually make sense for people to start charging for this. Why not? It's a way of families transferring money to one another tax free (if under threshold obvs).

That said it sounds like your parents are quite well off so this doesn't stack up really. If my parents did this I wouldn't use them and would distance myself a bit as I would be hurt.

Original poster

OurLittleFamily · 03/07/2022 21:09

^ Being a*

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Original poster

OurLittleFamily · 03/07/2022 21:10

Sorry i missed out the ‘a’ in the previous post

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CinderellaFant · 03/07/2022 21:12

Very odd! They should definitely want to spend time with them without being paid

TriciaMcMillan · 03/07/2022 21:17

I think what's particularly odd is that £20 is such a nominal amount for a day's 'work'. It seems like trying to make a point rather than actually charge a reasonable fee for a perceived service. Strange behaviour all round. No wonder you're upset. What's your relationship like usually?

user1474315215 · 03/07/2022 21:21

GiltEdges · 03/07/2022 20:34

We don't question that they don't love our children but it just feels wrong to me, and should feel more of an honour then a chore.

I mean I was with you, up to this. Babysitting is hardly an honour is it?

In my mind babysitting is absolutely an honour. I feel really privileged to be trusted with the care of my DGC and I certainly wouldn't charge!

Favouritefruits · 03/07/2022 21:23

Are you sure it wasn’t a joke? My Dad would say something like that but it’d be a joke not at all serious.

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