Mother's help who is always sick!

[Milly1968]

The title says it all!

We have a very charming Polish lady who works for us 4 hours a day, 3 days a week as a mother's help. I really get on very well with her and she is great with the children (I have 1 yr old twins and a 5 yr old). She also works very hard.

The problem I have, however, is that she takes a huge amount of time off. Since the beginning of September when my 5 yr old started school, she has actually only worked 3 full weeks (in almost 3 months I guess). In mid September she had to go back to Poland for 2 weeks to sort out some family business. She only managed to give me 3 days notice about this, and since she got back she has taken more time off for colds, bad period pain and another holiday. Basically she takes off about 1 day a week.

So far I have been really sympathetic, and I don't want her to come here if she is ill. However, I am now getting really fed up, especially about the couple of days she has had off for period pain. This week she has a virus, and I suspect that we won't be seeing her at all. She normally collects my 5 yr old from school and brings her home on the tube. However, today I am going to have to collect her, (also on the tube as I don't drive) which normally I am quite happy to do however, both twins have nasty chest infections at the moment and I am very unhappy about having to take them out.

I really don't know what to do, as although as I like X I'm now wondering whether I should try and find someone who is little more reliable. However, I imagine it would be quite hard to find someone else and I can't face contacting agencies etc etc at present. Any suggestions? What would you do about someone who was always taking time off, I'd love to hear your view on this.

Best wishes

Milly

milly... to be blunt !! get rid. you dont need this at all. you are offering her a good wage to help you out not make things harder (your poor twins hope they better soon). it would be worth the hassle of looking for someone else than to put up with this.have you discussed it with her?period pain is something the majority of women get she needs to get her a**e in gear and get off her backside, and when people take time off for colds that really annoys me(although you kids would have probably got it)

xxxx

I'm afraid I;d have to replace someone who acted like that. If nothing else, I would reduce her hours to 2 days a week and find someone else to pick up that one day. You may be able to find an au pair / share to do this.

But, I work full time, so if a nanny were to be sick, it would ruin my day.

Also, someone who is sick that in (in my opinion) probably pulling sickies. Period pain? Come on. I go to work when I have my period.

Interestingly, I had a Polish au pair who used to take to her bed every time she sneezed. And I know at least one other MNer who would say the same about her young polish au pair. Perhaps this is a huge stereotype. Maybe other MNers have different experience.

But, anyway, I wouldn't put up with an employee who doesn't show up for work on a weekly basis. And I wouldn't dream of treating my own job that way either.

I'd have a word with her first. Just tell her that it's not normal to have so much time off sick, and that while you appreciate that if she is genuinely sick she can't work, you actually need someone who is in better health. Give her a month's trial period or something, to see if things get better.

I understand about not wanting to look for someone else - it's always such a hassle.

Do you pay her when she is sick? (if you don't mind me asking)

Sack her! She is clearly not reliable or doing what she is employed to do.

Jestem od pochodzenia polskiego - don't stereotype us please, Uwila!

Thanks very much for all your helpful replies, it's useful to have other people's views on this.

She's just rung today to say she can't come in today as she's still not well. I am definitely going to talk to her next week, and tell her while I think the odd day off for a cold is fine it's just not practical for me to employ someone who takes huge amounts of time off. I think she is genuinely ill at the moment, so I feel a bit mean about this, however, I am getting really fed up about it.

Uwila - I have given her sick pay in the past. I think I paid her for the first week she took off for a virus, as I thought she might have caught it from us! However, given that she takes such a lot of time off, I don't really see why I should pay her for all this time. Do you think I should pay her? We don't have any formal contract, perhaps it would be easier if we did, certainly she's taken well in excess of 4 weeks holiday this year, and this excludes all the sick leave.

Many thanks for all your advice.

Millyxxx

Hi, I just wanted to add a nanny's point of view. I got very ill, flu, from the children I look after, and still worked, as we were all ill so there seemed no point in taking time off as I live in and would have been exposed to the bugs anyway. However, I have taken time off for diarrhea and vomitting (me not the kids) as this is in my opinion very unprofessional, not to mention impractical, to continue working with. The kids health is part of my job so I felt it was necessary to take time off (48 hours) to ensure they did not get sick too. I have had four sick days in two years. Two for a gastro bug and two after having a minor operation. I am proud of my track record as I feel if we nannies are to be treated professionally then we need to act it too. And that means going to work with period pains, or a runny nose, or a headache. I look at some office workers in my neighbourhood and many take days off to elongate their weekend. Now thats skiving!!!

To Uwila, I'm sorry you feel like it "ruins" your day if your nanny is ill and takes time off. I know I felt terribly guilty for being ill and taking time off and my employers had to look after the kids. But I felt it was necessary to make sure the kids did not get ill.

As far as the original poster goes, your mothers help hardly works long hours and to be so sick all the time for the short hours she does have seems a bit dodgy. I would get someone more reliable.

Ahh Nannyk, I feel you are being a bit harsh on me. Whilst it does turn my day upside down, if a nanny is genuinely sick, then of course I would offer to stay home. However, the problem with the au pair / nanny in question is that I don't think her illnesses are genuine.

4 days in two years I would most certainly not complain about. One day a week would warrant a doctors verification.

Also, my old nanny would complain about feeling ill, then ten minutes later be walking out the door to go into town to meet a boy.

As an employer, you do not have to pay the initial three days of sick leave. AFter that, the satutory sick pay (I think that's what it's called... reimbursable by gov't)kick in and you must provide that. However, as you do not have a contract, I'm afraid you are already breaking the law...

My contract says I don't pay the frist three days of sickness. However, if my current nanny were to be sick, I wouldn't doubt that she really is and I would likely pay her anyway.

Helpful website for anyone looking for employers' responsibilities:

nanny tax

Milly, I would have that chat with her and in the meantime start looking around for someone else asap, so you have some kind of back up. It may be the best solution in the long run.

When you do get someone reliable you will wonder why you put up with this for so long.

good luck.

Uwila - you've got me worried! However, the lady who works for us is really a mother's help rather than a nanny. Other than collecting my dd from school she is never left in charge of the children. What's the definition of a nanny? I am aware that you have to pay your nanny's tax, however I thought the position was different for mother's helps who have no nannying qualifications. Does anyone know about this?

Lots of people I know have a mother's help and pay them cash in hand like I do. I haven't heard of anyone who pays their tax.

Milly

Sorry, perhaps the law is different for mother's help. But, I thought that if she spend most of her time in your home, and she doesn't have a t least two other clients, then you are her employer.

I could be wrong though, as I've never had a Mother's help (I'm not there so any employee of mine has sole charge).

If I'm wrong.... sorry sorry sorry... should I shut up now?

Milly, I think if you employ her and she is paid over a certain amount, you DO have to pay tax and NI, regardless of what you call her - nanny, mother's help etc. We had a part time nanny when we were in London, but as she only worked a couple of mornings a week, we were well below the tax threshold. Don't know what the limit is now.

Milly, I had a mother's help for 2 days a week a couple of years back. I paid her NI and tax and used nannytax, as well. You can get in touch with them and find out what you should be paying. I found them to be really helpful and convenient.

Nannytax is good (great website with loads of information). But www.nannypaye.co.uk is much cheaper. We use nanny paye.

Thanks very much for your advice, I'll have a look at these websites and see what they say.

Milly

Apologies Uwila didn't mean to sound as preachy as I did. I just get a bit upset reading all these complaints, however justified or amusing they are (and some of them are v funny - my bosses dh is always leaving the bins full and she refuses to do it cos its "his" job, so guess who ends up doing it cos otherwise we'd all be living in a sty???!!! Yes miracles do occasionally happen- I, a nanny, do empty the bin.) . I realise that no one is perfect and that there are some appalling nannies and au pairs out there, but there are also some good ones. So how about some of you mums please pointing out the positive things that your child carers do? In these negative climes it would be great to hear some happy stories for a change!

No problem NannyK. These threads do tend to be of a negative nature. But, that's because people tend to turn to mumsnet when things have gone wrong and need advice. This is probably true for all topics, not just childcare.

But, since you asked, my current nanny is lovely. She is dedicated to nutrition, knows how to keep a toddler safe. Knows appropriate education for a toddler, she works hard.

And, she didn't kill me last night when I showed up 45 min. late. I went to the store, and just lost track of time. I called her as soon as I realised I was 24 minutes late and told her I was on my way... oops!! And, of course, I appologised profusely when I got home.