Feeling annoyed

[Clarklette87]

No I know I sound unreasonable… but before I had children my mum offered to help out with childcare a couple of times a week. I went back to work after mat leave is up, she decided she was too busy, so I had to put my baby in nursery every day I worked. Ok. She then assured me if I was to have another at any point she would definitely help out as she knows how astronomical childcare is. Second child is now here (at her urging I will add,) now both children are in childcare and soon my lovely in mother in law will have to give up looking after her one day she does for me as she is moving, she helped out after the second (love her.) and my mum has made it very clear now she has no intention of helping at all. Now I KNOW they are my children and I chose to have them (and love them OF COURSE) but I am really disappointed in my mum about this. My bill will be just under 2k a month and she knows its crippling me and still no offer forth coming, seems very sure she doesnt want to help.
i dont feel like i can say anything, but i am cross. AIBU?

Are you offerimg to pay her?

You were unreasonable not to learn after the first child. Honestly enough threads on here will tell you the only reliable child care is that you pay for.
Is she otherwise involved and helpeful i.e. weekends, any babysitting?

I did offer but she declined and she doesn’t need the money and tbf she really doesn’t.

She doesn’t want to do it OP- the day to day caring for a preschooler is taxing. I’m confused why you thought she would with 2 when she didn’t with 1.
if she helps in other ways then write it off to experience.
if she doesn’t help at all- then remember when she’s elderly and needing help.

Sadly you should have learnt from her saying no after the first DC.
She is not obliged to look after them as I'm sure you know.
Yeah it's disappointing but I wouldn't have got my hopes up.

Her mum told her she'd help.

Yeah I know what your saying im just annoyed as she repeatedly told me she would help.

Yea I know she said she would but the stark reality that children grow out of cuddly baby stage and move is a shock to people after a number of years since they did it.

I think people under derestimate how hard physically childcare is as you get older how many aches and pains just hit etc. Presumably the discussion was prior to getting pregnant and now you've finished maternity so around 2 years ago....although even 3 months can see huge changes after you hit 55 or so. What you walked easily in your 30s is different in your 50s and after covid even harder as most are noticing differences in fitness and stamina just from lockdown even if they didn't get covid.
Do you make use of all government schemes available to you 2k sounds a lot did you look at all types of childcare. When does your child turn 3?