Child care for older kids

[HeadFairy]

Ds is 14, dd 12. Ds I'm less worried about. He does a lot of after school sport etc so often isn't home until 6pm. Dd gets home at 3.15 and 3 days a week she's on her own until 7-7.30pm. She's also on her own in the morning, gets herself up, dressed, fed, locks up the house etc.

Until now I had a lovely woman coming in the three days a week I work at 3pm to make sure dd is ok, and stay at ours until 6pm. Not really a nanny, more a babysitter/responsible adult.

She has just handed her notice in as she has a great job offer elsewhere. Brilliant for her, but I was wondering whether we replace her or not? Is it terrible to leave a 12 year old on their own 3 days a week 3.15-7.30?

That’s what most working parents do , by the time they’ve come home , had a snack , done some homework the time soon goes .

What does your DD think? Why don't you give it a try, review after a month.

My DS wouldn't have coped at 12 but DCs vary hugely

Yeah, not sure anything as sensible as homework would be done. Probably quite a lot of watching TikTok and eating crap.

She says she's up for it, but she panics about locking and unlocking our front door. Most days I have to FaceTime her while she shuts up the house in the morning, and she calls me on the 10 minute walk home from school because she can't bear to be alone. I'm worried she's putting on a brave face.

Are you anywhere that there are school leavers or university students who are about to be on their summer holidays and would do some regular babysitting for you over the next 3 months? That would give you all time to adjust and your DD can get used to some additional responsibility if she wants it.

Not really any universities around, school leavers... probably.

The summer holidays worry me as they'd both be on their own from 7am to 7pm or even later.

Mine had to walk home and make dinner from year 7 three days per week until I was back at about 6.30, it’s what most secondary age kids have to do. Can she stay later at school? Ours can stay and do homework until 5pm.

7-7 is a very long time to be home alone. Are you a single parent or have you got a partner?
I'd be re-thinking my working arrangements especially for the school holidays

Surely you'll be taking annual leave and likewise your oh, so they won't be alone for the 18 days you work?

Does the eldest not get home at 6ish on any of the 3 days that she is home alone?

If she's having to face time you on a 10 minutes walk back from school, that's quite concerning that she's so anxious on what should be a normal, known daily route. She's not a victim of bullying at school?

What do her friends do after school?

Do either you or your oh work within walking distance of the school /home? If so could she walk to your workplaces or even a relative?

Or could you find an ASC that she wants to be involved in?

Unless there are special needs involved, personally, I think they'll both be fine.

If you're worried, encourage her or require her to pick at least 1 or 2 after school clubs to try each half term. Or do homework club at school after school; most secondaries have some version of this.

Not a single parent, however we both work long shifts, neither of us can change our working patterns unfortunately.

Choicemummy both dh and I work 1hr 45 mins away so dd can't walk to our work places. I don't think she's massively anxious, she says she just feels awkward walking and having no one to talk to. No bullying that I'm aware of, of course that doesn't mean it isn't happening, but generally she's happy at school so I think probably not.

Aargh just lost reply

i think find an a level student, as much as you both work so far away you have back up in case get delayed. She does sound nervous too, ds was doing as she is from 10 and loved it, never needed to face time for assurance. None of the DCs have.

Brother used to have a student go in from 11-4 in the holidays which worked well, enough to get them lunch and give them company but also give them space

I've been letting my daughter come home alone after school since she was 11 (she's now almost 14) and she's been fine but my job is only 20 minutes away so that makes me feel happier about it. We work flexible hours too so I can leave earlier to get in for her coming in - if I need to (rarely do this though). My daughter also gets the school bus so I know she is being brought home door to door.
Your daughter sounds very nervous and it will be a longer time frame that you're leaving her for so I think I'd try to find some sort of care for her or change jobs.

Is there any clubs she can go to at school after to take up some time for her?
I done this at her age and tbh I was fine.
Give it a trial and see how she goes.

Is there any clubs she can go to at school after to take up some time for her?
I done this at her age and tbh I was fine.
Give it a trial and see how she goes.

It sounds like she's not that comfortable with it yet so I'd try to find another option for a year or two.

Either replace the lady or possibly could she:

-Wait in the school or public library and go home when older brother does.

-Go home with a friend who is in a similar position (they could alternate which house they go to)

-get a bus/train to your place of work

-join some of the school clubs

I think you probably need to replace the woman if you can. It doesn't sound like your DD is ready for going it alone yet, or for the long days in the holidays & that's ok, she's only 12. Could you ask on local sites for someone, there might be an older person who'd enjoy it (& a bit of extra money) or someone at home with kids who could bring them to yours or she could go to theirs.

I was going to say can she go to a mate's house or vice versa? Or after school clubs my dd does all the sport clubs until 4pm. They're getting older and need to start making their own arrangements now tbh. Independence is a good thing.

I'd get a cleaner to come in 4-6 or similar so that your dd isn't being on her own for so long, and there would just be an adult around in the house as she does sound anxious and it is a very long day of no adult around

Thanks all... I think I am going to have to find someone, as you say either a student or a local mum. DD does have a friend really close by that she's known all her life. Her dad works nights so he's at home but asleep, so I would suggest the friend comes to our house for company. She's a bit ditsy so not sure how much reassurance it'll give me, but at least DD won't be so lonely!