Custody issues and childcare

[Hmanisabaconhairking]

Me and ex wife, divorced 4 years, 3 kids, 16,13, 9. No custody agreement. We have always had 50% custody each. Not amicable. I have to go away 3 weeks March 2023. I've asked her to have kids, she has refused. Help pls

Have you made her an offer like having them for 3 weeks when you get back or paying her for the week or two that you miss?

How have the two of you dealt with emergencies or requests for flexibility eg a 14 day holiday?

Do you have any else you can ask for help like your parents?

If you can't persuade her with some sort of deal, and you haven't got family you can leave them with, then you won't be able to go. Sorry to state the obvious.
Most people with children couldn't just go off for 3 weeks. If you are a single parent ( you are) then your work or whoever it is will have to accept that you can't do it.

I suppose it all depends on different factors- why are you going away- does she see it as optional? What did you suggest when you asked her- ie will you cover additional childcare costs, do 3 weeks as a swop etc, why did she say no? Do you typically do favors for each other?

Most single parents can't go away for 3 weeks though.

If you offered the additional parenting time and she declined, then you do what parents everywhere do and find child care. If you think it’s in your children’s best interest to be with their mother instead, you ask her what she would need to make it feasible to be able to accommodate your request.

My answer is probably on who's being unreasonable, in reality even if she's being unreasonable there's not much you can do. I'm sure there's some sort of nanny service that can do full time- but I imagine it's hugely expensive and 3 weeks is a very long time.

If you don't have child care then you can't go. It's rubbish, but lots of single parents miss opportunities due to poor relationships with their ex.

You need to sort the childcare for the gime you would normally have your kids, if your ex has said no then you'll need to ask other fanily/friends etc

Find childcare.

You have to pay for childcare. Or could you have the children for 3 weeks in return when she wants to go on holiday?

Find childcare like everyone else? Friends family?

What would you do if your ex wasn't in the picture? Would you still have to go away? In my husband's job if they make him go away at short notice that we can't get the childcare they have to pay. Is that possible if it's work related?

Ah just seen it's March 2023 so not short notice!

I notice you have 16 and 13 year old children.

Be very careful just going away for 3 weeks as they can turn around when you come back and refuse to continue the 50/50. There will then be SFA you and their mother can do.

As PPs said find child care - so family members and/or close friends that they like - to cover your time or you simply can't go.

What sort of advice are you looking for? It's impossible to make suggestions without knowing your circumstances or why you need to go away.

In the same way that you can't make her have the DC, she can't make you have them either. My friends ex often asks for swaps and then just doesn't turn up to pick up the DC if she says no so she has no choice. He is an utter shit though, so I don't recommend it if you want any sort of collaborative arrangement going forward.