Am I a terrible friend?

[muma2021]

My best friend is getting married and I’m the maid of honour. I am also a first time mum and my baby will be 10 months when we celebrate for her hen party that I am planning along with the other bridesmaids.

We have planned to go away for the weekend HOWEVER I think it would be unfair to leave my baby, we co-sleep and she nurses a lot through the night. I’ve never been away from her before, only an hour in the day and that’s a very recent thing as it is. How am I supposed to leave her for 2 nights and 3 days?!

Am I a terrible friend for not wanting to go because I don’t want to leave my baby? I know it won’t go down well (with bride) if I was honest and said that it’s not very practical for me at the moment - she’s already been making comments about how my baby will have no choice but to be left when it’s the hen do and the wedding!

How could I do this so it’s fair on everyone? I’m half tempted to just become ‘poorly’ when the time comes so she doesn’t feel so let down by me and I don’t look like the rubbish friend i clearly am.

I keep flitting between “my baby is more important than her feelings and looking like a bad friend” to thinking “baby will survive even though it’ll be hard for them and I know that but just go for it”
What would you do?
Gut says don’t go for me however much id like to.

I certainly could not have left my breast fed baby overnight at 10 months. she was a bottle refuser and would have cried for hours.

I'd either have to bring the baby to the wedding (with a nanny or husband to hold baby in a different room for the critical points of the ceremony) or I would not be able to go.

Could you go but stay nearby for the weekend so you can be with your baby at night but join in otherwise? If your partner is on board with this, that would be the option I would propose to your friend.

Definitely would rather be thought of as a terrible friend and still do what's best for my baby OP. Mine is a month younger than yours and there's just no way I'd leave her for more than the day.

Your baby is 8 months old atm, based on your post 10 days ago. And you've already requested support re night weaning and cosleeping. So that's a positive.

If you want to go, the likelihood is that baby will manage with one night feed by then, if you start that now. And if you try pumping, with oh giving the pumped milk that would help the situation.

Baby won't have any sort of implications from being cared for by his father for two nights and not you!

I personally think that given you've arranged the hen do etc, to pull out now, with 2 months notice and the wedding be imminent, is incredibly unfair and that now you need to make the best of this, with a smile on your face.

Why did you agree in the first place to go away 2 nights and 3 days

If have never left your baby fir more then an hour

Did you think you would be able to leave baby

Did you think baby wouldn’t be feeding off you

If you want to go then start making steps in night weaning /dad helping to feed via bottle or sippy cup

How far away, is it possible to have dad and bsby snd you in local hotel near hen for night feeding if that’s your issue

Tho Im The same as @Frenchie8690. I was back to work at 17w tho dd was sleeping 7-7 by then

She stays odd night away and I’m happy to go away for friends hen do and also child free wedding

There are ways in making it work, if you want to go

2 months is loads of notice to cancel one's attendance. There is usually a one month cancellation fee for activities etc and no food will have been purchased yet.

There is no way I'd have left my BF baby overnight at 10 months, unless it was a medical emergency. If baby is weaned to a bottle it is a different story as anyone can step in to help. If you want to go, I'd strongly suggest introducing a bottle; stop co-sleeping and get baby sleeping in a cot etc. Personally there's no way I'd go to those lengths just for a hen weekend.

You won't likely cause lasting damage but you will feel horrible leaving the baby, in my experience, if you haven't been apart all this time. Time goes slower for a baby/child than an adult, and they can cry and grizzle and make the life of whoever is babysitting an absolute nightmare for HOURS, so for a few days it could be tough.

You also have to think, would your friend really do the same for you? If it was my friend I'd be so gutted you couldn't come but I wouldnt make passover aggressive comments.

I'd do what @dontbuyanewmumcashmere says, she seems to have nailed it.