Advice on childminder

[Jacketandbeans]

I have a 2 year old DS who has been at a childminders now for 10 months. The childminder works with an assistant and they have 6 small children and others that come after school.
My DS cries before every drop off and some days it is so bad I can't get him in the car. Today I had to wrestle him in and he screamed and thrashed all the way down, squirming out of his car seat and banging his head against the back of the seat in protest. By the time I got him to the door he was a sobbing, twitching mess.
It is so distressing to witness and I feel awful.
Is this normal or should I look to change CM?

For some background, the CM and her assistant (her family member) are lovely, I have no concerns about the quality of the care. My friend uses them and her kids go in fine without crying. He is fine when he is picked up, eats well, naps there, does lots of craft etc. They are a kind, loving family.
He took an immediate dislike to the CM from day one, but that wasn't her fault, he just didn't like the look of her. I just wonder sometimes whether there is something about it there that he is scared of or a child there that scares him or something. There is one older child who has special needs and tends to try to grab him a lot (not her fault, lovely little thing) but I've noticed he seems nervous around her, I wondered if it could be that or it could be any number of things. He's a shy reserved kind of child.
I don't want to unsettle him again as the settling in process was horrendous.
The childminder reassures me that he is fine during the day, but why so devastated at going? My elder DS who was also very shy and went to a different CM was skipping in by age 2 full of excitement.
Anyone experienced anything similar?

How many days a week does your child go to the childminder? Has he been fine going in at any time? If he has never been happy going then I would consider changing childcare settings. I don't think I could put my child through that or myself! Could you change him to somewhere else now where he can also do his funded hours once he turns 3?

@imperialqueen he goes 3 days a week. He sometimes goes in with just a whimper. My husband takes him most of the time and he's better then. He's way worse when I take him, but he has never gone in smiling and excited for either of us.
He's only just 2 (last week) so the funded hours are a long way off unfortunately, but this CM does offer them. Lots of her children stay on until school, so the kids must be happy there, which is why I'm at a loss of what to do. My friend said she felt like she had struck gold with this CM which is why we went to her. He isn't very verbal yet so can't tell me anything

Honestly, some children are just clingy and will cry no matter what. BUT if he's been crying all this time, he hasn't really "settled in" at all so really you won't be losing anything from trying a new setting.

So he’s fine there. Eats and plays - cm has no issues with him

Just screams blue murder when you take him but is slightly happier when dad does

I would continue going for a bit longer.

A few things to try

Make sure he walks in, not carried and passed over.

Give him something to do immediately (put something in the bin, wash his hands, find a particular toy...)

Have something to look after for you, you will be back for it as it's very important for him to keep it safe.

Activities set up straight away for him to join in

Point one usually works on my little ones though I will admit your little one does sound on the more extreme side. Good luck.

Ten months is a long time to settle in though at 3 days a week?

I’ve got to be honest I’m not sure I would keep sending him, ours was exactly the same but for 2-3 weeks at 3 days a week.

Then he was smiles and cuddles. Ever since he can walk he walks in.

I’m an ex childminder and to be honest some children are just like this, if possible I’d try different things such as picking up from home rather than dropping off, or if that’s not possible transferring direct to car sometimes worked. I would have been having some frank conversations by this point as honestly if he didn’t settle pretty quickly after you leave it’s really disruptive for the entire setting and my duty of care to the other children and their happiness would need consideration.

I would encourage you to look at how happy the older children are, which should reassure you that children are happy with the childminder. I often found that the children hardest to settle in the morning were those that didn’t want to leave in the evening, and would scream the house down at pick up time!

Sometimes it's more about your hesitance or reaction. If you're fearing the drop off that can be picked up and feeds the tantrum. Do you hang about talk about it on the journey, offer bribes etc. Or are you upbeat and cheerful? ( hard I know)

Another perspective here. My daughter has had this problem when dropping off my grandson with his childminder. The cm says as soon as mum is out of sight my grandson is fine. She sends photos and he seems to be really settled.
Last week, my daughter had a hospital appointment so I dropped him off at the cm’s.
What a difference. He was happy and smiling and went straight to her when she opened the door.
The bond they had was lovely to see.
I do believe my daughter is stressing at drop off and my GS picks up on it poss. X

I used to have a little girl for 3 days a week term time only from 9 months till she left for school who would cry at the door every morning. Throughout the term it would start to lessen but then the holidays would come and we'd be back to square one. She would always settle immediately the parent could here the instant stop of the crying the moment the door was closed. When she could communicate properly she couldn't explain why she cried and even protested that she'd be staying with me and didn't want to go to school because she loved me and my setting. When she started school she was the same just goes to show sometimes there is no explanation and as you have no other concerns I'd ride it out and try some of the suggestions posted by others.