NANNY SHARERS EXPERIENCES: NEED ADVICE TRYING TO SET UP A SHARE FOR THE SUMMER

[MrsFlora]

hi all,

i have a lovely nanny [full time] taking care of my girl. We are paying full wack plus all taxes and ni. She's been with us since september. I am planning to start working part time this summer and would love to share her and her costs with another family.

Does sharing works? which have been your experiences?

I've heard people said that it is always best if the mums know each other as issues can be sorted out more amicably than with a complete stranger.

your comments will be greatly appreciated!

I used to share my previous nanny. Basically I offered it up to her as an opportuinity to make a bit more money that I was prepared to pay her. It worked out fine. But, there are some things I would do differently next time. I would check that discipline and standards of nutrition are similar to my own. My style of parenting is far stricters than hers and I thought it was a bit unfair on my DD that she was being punished for things her friend was allowed to do repeatedly without consequence.

But, if ages, discpiline, food, activities, shool runs, etc. all work out than I do think sharing a nanny is a good way to keep the cost down.

One thing you might want to think about is whether you share equally, or you remain the main employer. For example, if you both ask her to b-sit on Friday, will you be happy if she chooses them over you? I would want to remain the main employer so would look for someone who wanted to use less hours than I did.

Thanks ever so much Eleusis!

How did you organise the payment? Did other parents pay to you directly and full wages came out of your account?

How are practicalities like naps, etc are organised - who buys spare cot etc etc

Any tips super appreciated!

God no! Dob't take on the burden of paying her on behalf of the other family. I told DN that she could explore options to look after other kids as well if she wanted to make more money. There was no difference to out contract or payment arrangements. She got paid by them and that was virtually nothing to do with me.

The arrangement she had with the other family was very casual. I believe they paid her in cash, and they didn't pay her if they cancelled at the last minute (which I thought was more than a little cheecky, but hey Dn arranged it and agreed to it so I stayed out of it). If my current DN wanted a similar arrangement I would probably set in on her behalf and insist on a set schedule and that DN be paid whether other family needed her or not. The reson I would do this is because I don't want my nanny to be unhappy because of the way another family is treating her.

As for whether you should be friends with other family, I don't know if that's a plus or minus. If things go wrong it could ruin a friendship. On the otherhand, you would know a friend well enough to know what her style of discipline, nutrition, etc. is.

I would suggest nanny has two separate contracts. One with you and one with other family. I would probably not be prepared to split the tax allowance. You should both pay in gross anyway so the tax is nanny's to pay not the other employer's.

We had a nanny share for a year when DS1 was very young. The other child was the same age and came to our house 3 days a week, and the nanny looked after DS1 5 days a week. We met the sharers at antenatal classes.

We split the cost of the spare cot, extra high chair and double buggy with the other family, but all the stuff stayed at our house. I have heard of shares where both children are looked after at both houses - one house one day and one the next - but I have no idea what happens to all the equipment babies need in these cases. It would make sharing the cost of food and heating bills easier though - you pay for feeding the babies when they are are your house.

The other mum bought meat for both boys and supplied her boy's formula, nappies and wipes; I provided the rest of the food. This worked for us because I don't eat meat, but the boys did (still do!), and the meat came from a proper butcher. We had very similar views on routine, discipline and food, so there was no problem with nanny allowing a child crisps on Mondays but not on Tuesdays, for example. Routine is easier if the children are the same age, I think, so maybe you should look for a child the same age as yours? We split the kitty on a "boy day" basis - 8 boy days in total so I paid 5 and the other mum paid 3. We also split the tax allowance and used the same pay roll agency to work out tax and NI. Nanny had two contracts of employment, and each family paid her direct.

You need to think about holidays, which can be pretty complex when the children are pre-school. If you all have 4 weeks' holiday a year, it means you all have to go on holiday at the same time, or someone is left without childcare. Our nanny chose 2 weeks and each family chose 1 week.

I would recommend a nanny share. The boys played like brothers and even after we stopped sharing and both families moved away, they stayed much better friends than we expected - complete over-excitement about the rare play dates even 3 years later. If the nanny is sick there are 4 parents around to cover the day between them, which makes a big difference. However nannyshares don't last for ever, because circumstances change. In our case we both moved and had a second child - not very unusual events but enough to end a share.

i've just come out of a 3-year nanny share. in fact i hope we're about to go back into another one with the same family, but swapped around so that we are now the employers as we want more hours than they do this time around.

TBH we had it easy as we just paid the other family. for a short while it was a 3-way share (before Ofsted registration was an issue, which says 2 families maximum) and we paid the employers but the third family paid the nanny, as they only wanted a few hours.

I was certainly planning to remain the single employer, with the other family paying us, as TBH I felt the employing family were always the nanny's priority (and quite rightly since they were paying all the tax etc!) - I would like to be the one who sets the timetable etc. Having said that I may feel differently after having had the hassle of employing for a few months.

We found each other through the local residents' association newsletter. This is unusual but it was excellent, as local is VERY good.

We paid I think half the net hourly rate that the family were paying the nanny, which was a d*mn good deal.

Make sure that if you take on a sharing family that they understand whether they will need to continue to pay their set amount through the nanny's holidays and sick periods. I'd recommend this as if your nanny is sick for any length of time and you are paying her, plus paying for replacement care, this is not a good time to lose the extra cash. I'm not sure about what we would have arranged about maternity leave - thank goodness the issue never came up.

Talk, talk and talk again (to the other family) and when you have talked, put it in writing. Apart from anything else, it's so complicated that it's impossible to remember everything otherwise!

Remember that your children may become close mates with their share 'siblings'. Therefore only do it if you can stand that thought.

I am very evangelical about nannyshares as ours has been so brilliant, but ask me again in a year's time...

Fridayschild and Choosy thanks for sharing your experiences.

Gosh, there are so many things to consider!

Once again thanks for your input!