Au pair

[Mmms10102022]

I'm a 20 year old au pair working in the Nederlandse. I've been here a month and my host family is nice and they did a lot for me. But I'm not feeling very happy. I don't really have a connection with my host family. I also struggle with finding a connection with the kids from my side. The kids are really nice and I get along with them fine and they listen to me. I'm not completely sure what the problem is. I'm really unhappy not because of the family or the place just because it is a lot different than what I expected. I don't think I'm mentally ready for the responsibility. I am scared of my host mom she is very intimidating. She sometimes makes me feel like I'm not welcome or good enough and when I talk about it to her she says she doesn't mean it like that and that I'm misunderstanding her, but it keeps happening. I feel like she doesn't like me very much. I feel in the way and I'm scared of doing something wrong. I don't want to quit but I've been unhappy from day one and not sure there is a good connection. They are a good family, I don't want to hurt them. Can i please have some advice.

Hi dear,
Im so sorry to hear you are so unhappy in your host family, it must feel very lonely as you live and work with them. I’m a mum who hosted 3 aupairs, my best advice would be to have a conversation with the mum & dad, and ask how they are finding your performance, then offer a little feedback of your own, be frank and tell them that some of the criticisms that you’ve received has made you feel uneasy.
Try not to blame them but say you would like to stay but wish things to change so that you are not criticise and undermined in front of the children, say that you’d welcome having chats about how things are going weekly if it will help them and you to settle.

Trust me they wouldn’t want to loose you, best is to communicate with them with respect and with good will :)
Good luck and be strong, if things don’t improve after the conversation you can always look for another family.
And if you fancy being an aupair in London, let me know :)

That's so hard. I remember feeling really intimidated by my bosses when I was an AP. I would say that you only get one chance at being young and having this freedom, so if you're not happy there after a couple of months of really trying, there is no shame at all in moving on and going elsewhere.

Firstly you’ve only been there a month. It would be remarkable for you not to feel a bit homesick or not quite yourself.

Secondly what are your responsibilities? Are you feeling overwhelmed because you’re being taken advantage of/overworked? An au pair is not a nanny, and should have light responsibilities, not long hours or a lot of work. Have you had the chance to go out and meet people? What sort of thing is the mother saying to make you feel unhappy?

I think those details matter because it could be a simple case of homesickness and feeling out of place, or you could be disillusioned because a family are taking advantage of you. Many families do this with au pairs.