Falling out with Childminder

[User125179313]

our childminder has been taking my son to school for 6 years (Mon-Fri). The last year so our relationship has become strained for various reasons which I won't go into all of them. One reason was when she gave us 1 weeks notice that she would no longer be able to take our son on Mondays because she would be looking after her grandchild, so we were frantically looking for alternative childcare for Mondays. I told her a few months ago that I was putting my son's name on the waiting list for after school club at school (the waiting list is very long). About a week ago the school informed me that a place was available for him to start in 2 weeks. We had already paid the childminder for the whole month so (against my better judgement) my husband was adamant that we should ask for a refund for the last week of the month when she won't be having him. I did and it let to an argument and she said we actually should be giving her 4 weeks notice, I reminded her that the 4 weeks notice was supposed to be both ways and she didn't give us 4 weeks when she stopped having him on a Monday. she got very defensive so I walked away. I feel like I want to message her to apologise as I think we should have just left it as we've paid her the full month rather than asking for some back. I wish I had not listened to my husband - he says I should just leave it now. Should I message her or leave it? I'm not a confrontational person so feel really awkward about it

I would message her and apologise. I wouldn't have asked for any money back, it's just not worth the hassle and it's not a very nice way to treat her. The fact she only gave you a weeks notice about Monday's is a separate issue and should have been addressed at the time. Why didn't your husband tell her if he felt so strongly about it?

You've already had an argument with her, so it sounds like you're fine with confrontation.

The Monday morning issue and the after school club issue are separate. You are technically correct in that she should have given you more notice (if that is in your contract). But you should have addressed that at the time and not raise it now.

In all honesty, it sounds like the whole relationship has now broken down. Are you expecting her to still do the 4 mornings? If so, I think it would be wise to look around for other provision as she may well now give you notice for those mornings.

All that aside, why are you doing your husband's dirty work? He wanted the money back so why didn't he contact her?

I reminded her that the 4 weeks notice was supposed to be both ways and she didn't give us 4 weeks when she stopped having him on a Monday

Which you should have dealt with at the time instead of playing tit for tat.

They were separate issues, you should have dealt with the Monday problem at the time.

I always find it bizarre when people demand back money like this from childminders. In the grand scheme of things, the sum is probably quite small and this is someone who’s played a fairly significant role in your sons life for a good few years. It seems really ungrateful, mean and petty. Even if there have been a few recent ongoing issues, you were obviously happy enough with her service for the majority of the time, otherwise you wouldn’t have used her.

Yes I'd apologise! I know money may be tight but it's your choice to pull him out and it always amazes me how petty people get about small amounts of money (in the grand scheme of things) to the people who have been such a big part in their children's lives.

My ex husband used to encourage me to cause arguments and fall out with people, although he never did himself. Note he's an ex.

Apologise to the childminder.

And start watching your husband quietly. Observe his behaviour

I will apologies and maybe send some flowers or is that a bit much? It's true that regardless of whatever issues we've had over the past year, she has been a part of my child's life for a long time. It was petty to even mention the money and I wish I had not done so.

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe It's interesting that you've said that because whenever he's annoyed at someone, it's usually me he's encouraging to have it out with that person. We're going through a difficult patch anyway - but that's for another thread! :-)

Can I ask if you paid a deposit at the start of care? as I made it very clear to my clients ( they had to sign to say they understand and agreed for contract to start) in order to get their deposits back they had to give 4 full and paid for weeks noticed. If they owed me money, did not give 4 weeks notice they lost their full deposit. So you may have lost your deposit now. For the sake of wanting 1 weeks childcare fee back .

I would apologise as after school clubs are only on when school is open and there are a lot of holidays coming up in the next few months. Is your son going back to childminders when after school club is shut ?