Au pairs, what do I need to think about?

[idontknow54789]

We're considering an Au Pair from this summer. Does anyone have any tips or advice before we start our search? This is my list of things to think about - anything I've missed?

• Bedroom - change bed to a single bed and buy an armchair, desk and TV (we couldn't fit these things in if we kept the double unfortunately). Anything else to think about here?
• Phone contract - roughly £25 a month?
• Working hours - she would drop of my eldest at school and youngest at pre school. Pick up my youngest, put him down for a nap then pick up my eldest from school four days a week. Does this sound feasible? Would be roughly 25 hours a week.
• English language course - I'm not sure how much these cost but we would potentially be willing to pay for it. Is this the norm?
• We live in London so don't need anyone to drive.
• Any other tips or thing I should be thinking about?

You'll need to think about how she'll fit into your family life. I had two friends who were Au Pairs when we were all about 18. One was Spanish and the other English. The English one felt terrible that the family never included her in any social events...for eg, a BBQ they had...she felt very awkward because she wasn't introduced to anyone or asked to join in but was told to sit in her room.

The Spanish friend however was treated like part of the family she worked for. They literally just treated her as if she were their own teenage daughter who babysat for them.

If you're paying her a lowish wage then I would consider paying for her travel card every month.

Travel card.

that they are not child carers. they are aupairs, initially designed to give a young person , a chance to experience a new culture , not trained, not experienced,

@babyKat

that they are not child carers. they are aupairs, initially designed to give a young person , a chance to experience a new culture , not trained, not experienced,

Thanks but what level of childcare is considered reasonable? This is what I'd want to know. I don't want to take advantage, they're on a low wage and I agree are here to learn English/a new culture etc. are school drop offs and pick ups and a few hours in the afternoons reasonable to expect? I work from home and can often finish in time to pick up from school but occasionally I may have a meeting or need to go into the office and wouldn't be able to.

And thanks - a travelcard is a good one to include

About 25 hours a week is fine! Especially if the expectations are set out in advance, ie not ad-hoc or last minute babysits regularly etc.

@idontknow54789 the current issue is that it's very difficult to get an au pair. Since we left the EU - they can't come and it's really left only EU/Irish applicants and also people who can get a Tier 5 Visa - which at the moment (Jan 2022) is only Canadians, New Zealanders, Australians and a couple of Asian countries - I think its Japan and N. Korea.

If you look on au pair world, there are a lot of applicants wanting to come, but 99% of them cannot due to the visa restrictions.

Being in London and not needing. driver actually makes you more attractive as a host parent, but they don't enjoy themselves as much. if they don't hjave lots of friends. (we have had 7 happy au pairs)

I'd approach one of the local unis and see if they have an accomodation board for postgrads. you may find that's easier at the moment.

Oh forgot to mention - au pair world do have a function where you can see who is in the country already and au pairs who were here before the cut off date - June 2021 have a right to remain.

It is a lovely thing to do and DD (who had an au pair between the age of 3 and 9 keeps asking for another one).

I very much doubt it's North Korea - unless the dictatorship is letting people out of the country now .

But yes, not being able to have an aupair is yet another Brexit win.

@Storminamu

I very much doubt it's North Korea - unless the dictatorship is letting people out of the country now .

It's not! It's actually Taiwan.

I think 25 hours is very reasonable. I have been an Au Pair in London and I think the idea of including a travelcard is great, the cost of travel could eat up alot of the pocketmoney so i think it would be really appreciated that she wouldn't have to worry about it.
Personally for me, I would have preferred keeping the double bed and not having a desk, I wouldn't have used it. A big bed would be more important. A phone contract or a pay as you go sim I think should be included, I had to pay for it myself, which I didn't think was fair as I needed to have credit on my phone to communicate with the family when I was with the kids.
A tv would be great as the au pair can have some down time in her spare time. And you as well can have some time as a family without the Au pair. I think it's equallly important both for the Au Pair and the family to have time away from eachother were everyone can relax; otherwise it can easily feel a bit crowded and both you and the Au Pair might feel a bit overwhelmed.

You need to communicate with them. Most problems stem from a lack of communication. Sit down with them and agree everything you expect them to do. Ensure they understand and are happy with what is being asked of them. It can be helpful to write it down.
Do not expect them to take the initiative - although it is great if they do.
Review what they are doing and how you are both feeling about it at regular intervals - eg every Friday teatime.
Make sure they can tell you if something is not going well or if they are unhappy about something.
They may want to join in with family gatherings. They may prefer to do their own thing.
Look around for au pair meet ups in your area so they can meet others in similar circumstances.
Be very clear about your rules on bringing friends back to your home.

Communication is key. Be clear on rules etc. Information on what to do in a emergency is also a good idea as is some kind of cheap mobile and money too. A telly is also recommended. Books make a nice welcome gift as well.

Hav you thoughts family logistics?

Food?
Dinner times together?
Evenings?

I provided SIM card, Oyster card, access codes for sky, Netflix etc. I paid for the courses but I don’t think they were that expensive from memory. They both had laptops which they used instead of having a tv in the room. If I took the kids for pizza they always got an invite, same if we had a bbq or went to the park on the weekend. I was happy for them to treat the house as their own as well. A desk, a chair, plenty of extra bedding (one used to feel the cold) a single bed with a trundle underneath (both of mine had family come and stay, their mums, one sister etc).

Do think about how much interaction you would like. Think about your reaction to having someone new in the house, sitting in the kitchen with a coffee or watching a program in the living room. I’m a single parent, i considered my au pairs to be part of the family. I badly needed the help and I was incredibly grateful for it, I thought of them as young cousins come to stay. From what I’ve read on here over the years a lot of people really want to keep their family time and au pairs separate. That can work if you have the room (I didn’t/don’t). Sometimes the au pairs themselves prefer to be in their own as well. But don’t ostracise them. They’re young adults, often living away from home for the first time. I look at my now teens and would be so grateful if they were involved with a family and looked out for in the same way if they ever do something similar.

My last au pair is now my ad hoc house and cat sitter when I visit a relative (they still live and work in London and although my house is small they het it to themselves and I think they enjoy having a break from their house mates) - their mum has stayed with me when she’s visiting London. My previous au pair still visits from Germany occasionally and sends post cards regularly. The whole experience was very positive for me and the kids.

Just to add to PP comments about communication- super important! Both for you and them. You’ll come to understand each other if you can communicate regularly and honestly.

@MetricMs

I provided SIM card, Oyster card, access codes for sky, Netflix etc. I paid for the courses but I don’t think they were that expensive from memory. They both had laptops which they used instead of having a tv in the room. If I took the kids for pizza they always got an invite, same if we had a bbq or went to the park on the weekend. I was happy for them to treat the house as their own as well. A desk, a chair, plenty of extra bedding (one used to feel the cold) a single bed with a trundle underneath (both of mine had family come and stay, their mums, one sister etc).

Do think about how much interaction you would like. Think about your reaction to having someone new in the house, sitting in the kitchen with a coffee or watching a program in the living room. I’m a single parent, i considered my au pairs to be part of the family. I badly needed the help and I was incredibly grateful for it, I thought of them as young cousins come to stay. From what I’ve read on here over the years a lot of people really want to keep their family time and au pairs separate. That can work if you have the room (I didn’t/don’t). Sometimes the au pairs themselves prefer to be in their own as well. But don’t ostracise them. They’re young adults, often living away from home for the first time. I look at my now teens and would be so grateful if they were involved with a family and looked out for in the same way if they ever do something similar.

My last au pair is now my ad hoc house and cat sitter when I visit a relative (they still live and work in London and although my house is small they het it to themselves and I think they enjoy having a break from their house mates) - their mum has stayed with me when she’s visiting London. My previous au pair still visits from Germany occasionally and sends post cards regularly. The whole experience was very positive for me and the kids.

Thank you that is so useful. I think the main issue now is actually finding someone (thanks Brexit). Hopefully the fact that we're in London etc. will be a benefit to us.

Good luck finding one post Brexit.

Seriously, though, have everything in writing. Knock up a Word document to send to prospective candidates which sets out your expectations and what you're offering, e.g.:

(1) money - base and any possible overtime rates - and standard hours;
(2) the room & house including typical travel time to central London, local amenties, etc;
(3) duties, typical and exceptions (e.g. food, housework etc) and timetables (e.g. your time is always your own after 1830 other than by prior agreement [and paid at £X per hr], the exception being a max 2 nights a month babysitting, no more than 1 of which will be a Saturday, etc);
(4) expectations regarding after the kids go to bed - e.g. you'd want to have at least X nights per week downstairs without her around, one o the other adults will cook for her at least X nights per week if she wants it, she's to cook for other adults 1 night per week;
(5) holidays - how many (e.g. 1 week paid per 3 months' employment) & how they'll be agreed
(6) expectations regarding guests (I'd say no boyfriends, other visitors by agreement)
(7) typical (and atypical, e.g. what happens if a child is ill) daily routines including what happens in school holidays;

@idontknow54789 I was going to ask a similar question. I am looking for an aupair from the summer onwards. I have been living abroad and have always had full time help but the setup was a little different as the houses in the UAE have a separate room in the house designed for nannies but I am worried how this would be in the UK as its more likely her room would be on the same floor as ours.
Can I ask, which websites or agencies you are looking at?
Thanks x