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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

This is probably a stupid question, but can I ask a prospective nanny...

39 replies

GloriaInEleusis · 26/12/2007 18:06

what his/her religeon is?

I ask because DD (and soon DS) goes to a COE school and I want a nanny who will "click" with the other parents and hopefully enjoy hanging out with some of them. And it helps if they have something in common. Now, not every student at the school is an Anglican, but most of them are.

But, is religeon fair game or can I not ask that?

Now of course I could just ask how they feel about the COE school and if they would be happy socialising with the others at the school gate, but that is rather transparent and everyone whould know what answer I was looking for.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

snowfunwhenyoureknackered · 26/12/2007 18:08

dont think you can ask this, sorry

NKF · 26/12/2007 18:10

She won't want to hang out with other parents any way.

GeekgirlRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 26/12/2007 18:12

why would that give much of an indication of whether they'd get on anyway? I'm an atheist and my best friend is very religious, it makes no difference to our friendship (if anything it enhances it IYSWIM).
People can be nice or horrible no matter what they choose to believe in.

me23 · 26/12/2007 18:27

friendship is more about personality than religion. unless these people are deeply religious and only stick with their 'own' in which case probably better to steer clear anyway.

Magrat · 26/12/2007 18:36

no you can't ask and tbh I don't think I know any parent who wants to hang out with a nanny

Magrat · 26/12/2007 18:39

as an aside is religion a bonding thing at your CofE school then? I find that rather surprising I must say (my children go to a community school which by default being in England is CofE) .. I never considered CofE to be a 'strong bonding' religion .. not like Islam, Catholic or Jewish schools to be honest

NKF · 26/12/2007 19:00

Maybe it's one of those heavily evangelical schools.

NKF · 26/12/2007 19:00

Maybe it's one of those heavily evangelical schools.

Original poster

GloriaInEleusis · 26/12/2007 19:02

Yeah, I didn't think I could ask about it. But, my current nanny is Anglican and it has definitely enhanced the binding at the school gate. There is a mum who goes to the same church she goes to (different from the one we go to, which is the one connected to the school) and they have become pretty good friends. And their church activities is what they have in common. I didn't set out looking for this but it has really been a good thing but I doesn't look like I can legally ask this question.

Funny though, the greataupair.com sight asks both parents and annies/aupairs what their religeon is.

OP posts:

cheapslutonjunk · 26/12/2007 19:04

Will your nanny be expected to discuss religion with the other parents?

I think YABVU - it's a childcare arrangement you're after and it makes no odds what religion the nanny is.

Does it matter to you?

Original poster

GloriaInEleusis · 26/12/2007 19:06

Well duh. Of course it matters to me or I wouldn't have posted this thread.

OP posts:

LadyMuck · 26/12/2007 19:08

Don't think that you can ask, but you can word your ad suitably eg mentioning Christian family or Church-going family will attract some candidates and deter others. Also you seem to assume that candidates will always tell you what you want to hear, regardless of whether it is true. My experience is that there are some schools which some nannies would avoid. And finally I agree with the others so far - parents might make some polite smalltalk with nanny at school gate, but wouldn't expect to spend any serious amount of time with them at all, so it wouldn't even bother me if they didn't speak the language (and I see a number of au pairs at the school gate). That said I do feel vaguely smug when other parents try to grab my nanny.

cheapslutonjunk · 26/12/2007 19:09

Well duh?

I meant does it matter to you what religion she is and will it affect how you get on with her in addition to the school gates "binding", but do, please, feel free just to be rude.

Original poster

GloriaInEleusis · 26/12/2007 19:13

"Also you seem to assume that candidates will always tell you what you want to hear, regardless of whether it is true. "

Call me a sceptic... but yes I do generally thing they tell you what they think you want to hear.

You know, like they all like to cook, they are all eager to go to swimming class, and they know how to iron. Un huh.... and beack here on Earth,Dh does the laundry, Took DS swimming ONCE after I kitted him our with a couple of posh swim trunks and a variety of beach towels. As for cooking, well, what they mean is "I like to bake cakes".

OP posts:

NKF · 26/12/2007 19:17

Just say that you are a Christian family and that you want someone who is happy to spend time with other kids and their parents. That will weed out the people who wouldn't suit.

Original poster

GloriaInEleusis · 26/12/2007 19:19

I don't really mind what her religeon is. But, I do think that if she is affiliated with our church, she will be more inclined to go to play groups there and get involved in other church activities with the kids. (or take them to her own church, which is fine).

OP posts:

NKF · 26/12/2007 19:19

Ask around in your church circle.

LadyMuck · 26/12/2007 19:21

I've had a candidate turn us down on the basis that she doesn't like the school. Experienced nannies are usually interviewing you as much as you are interviewing them, though possiibly younger ones will go for any job if the money is right. As for the rest of your questions I guess it depends on how you ask the question - your examples are all very "closed". More open questions eg what do you like to cook or what do you typically cook for a certain age of child may provide more insightful answers. But i digress. Have you explored whether your current nanny has any church contacts who might be interested in the job?

nannynick · 26/12/2007 19:22

I don't think you can ask, if you will use the answer to make a recruitment decision.

As a nanny, I find most parents at the school gates (in my case, on the school drive) don't socialise with a nanny. Could be for many reasons, but I doubt it is religion in my case, far more a gender thing, or social class thing (private school).

Nightynight · 26/12/2007 19:42

I think the question is on Au Pair websites because you have a duty to make sure that the AP can practise her religion.

Not sure if the same applies to other live-in employees. I wouldn't mind too much about the bonding thing though, would be shocked if the parents were cliquey enough for that to make a difference.

Jojay · 26/12/2007 19:45

Nope, you can't ask it at the recruitment stage, as you can't discriminate because of it.

You can ask later if you offer her the job

Elasticwoman · 26/12/2007 19:51

Totally unnecessary question; it's up to her how much she wants to hang out with the other parents - don't see what it has to do with you, and anyway her religion won't have anything to do with her ability to make friends with other parents or carers. When you interview her, you can get an impression of how easily she gets on with other adults, but I would have thought it would be a much lower priority than how she gets on with and cares for your children.

nannynick · 26/12/2007 19:57

Make it clear in job advert that you are a practising Christian family, could help deter some applicants.

You can't ask What religion do your practice?
But you could ask: What days are you available to work? (ie. Sundays, or do they go to church?)

You could ask applicants to submit a CV... some may include religion on their CV. They are then providing that information to you, rather than you asking for it

LolaTheShowgirl · 26/12/2007 20:07

I don't think you're allowed to ask unfortunately, but whatever, I think it is lovely trying to give the nanny the smoothest ride possible in being able to settle with your family.

CarGirl · 26/12/2007 20:08

I think like nannynick says ensure that you make it clear that you are a practising Christian family and they may be have to attend christian religious events at the school as part of Nanny duty.

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