6 week maternity leave, DC3 - realistic?

[TwoYearsMarried]

DC no 3 due 15 June. Planned. I am the main breadwinner (by far). Six weeks ago I landed a huge new client which could really 'make' the rest of my career. I am 35 so this is a big success story so early on.

This will be our DC no 3 and I only went back to work in August 2021 after DC 2, so the gap will be v short. Work will not be expecting DC3 at all when I eventually break the news... 😬

This time around I really don't feel as though I need a long break like the others, especially having only recently gone back. I don't want to hand over this new client to someone else in our company for any longer than 6-8 weeks because it is such a fundamental time in developing the relationship. At the moment the client wants, and has, me on tap. They will be bringing in close to £1m in revenue a year for the company, so it's a fairly big deal (for me, anyway).

As such I am considering taking 6-8 weeks off and going back 3-4 days a week after that. My husband works for our family business so taking paternity leave isn't really an option for him. The most obvious solution is for me to work from home until the baby is 6-7 months old with a nanny in the next room of our house. I'd then always be "with" the baby but also not, if you see what I mean... I would combination feed so that bottles are easy to mix up during the day.

Work will support whatever I choose to do and will pretty much bend over backwards for me.

Am I being wholly unrealistic? Has anyone else with an intense job done likewise and how did you find it?

Other consideration for you wise MNs is the financial side. Going back after just 6-8 weeks will of course benefit my company, but likewise, probably to the same extent, benefits me personally if I ever left and wanted to take this client with me. By going back so soon, I'm essentially foregoing the 4 months full pay followed by 2 months half pay our firm offer whilst on mat leave. There is no incentive for going back early and sacrificing this enhanced maternity package. I would also need to incur 4x our usual childcare costs by employing a nanny until the baby was old enough to attend nursery (i.e from 6-8 weeks old until it is 6months). That amounts to c£2k a month, so financially it puts me at a big disadvantage. If I didn't give a toss about my career then I'd put my feet up for six months and go back then, but I fear I'd lose this client in the meantime. Am I overstepping the mark to either ask work to compensate for the nanny so that I come back early, or to give me the equivalent in a cash payment of the enhanced maternity pay I would otherwise have received? I fear they will simply say that they can get someone else to cover the client whilst I am off and for me to go away and have a proper break, but I know (and from past experience with my earlier two DC) that someone else being allocated to this client will either (a) put no leg work in, so we'll essentially lose them or (b) get so entrenched with them that by the time I come back it will no longer be my client and all is lost. Stakes are too high for that at this stage.

Any advice please? I am losing sleep over this. I absolutely live for my kids and family but likewise am ambitious and driven. I am so torn!

@ViceLikeBlip

Why do you keep talking about mat leave as "sitting around with your feet up"?!

If you could find some mystical Mary Poppins type who would do all your school runs, and look after your newborn all day while you were working from home, this would by far and away be the easiest option for you! And if they would have the toddler at home full time as well, then it would probably be financially viable as well. But good luck find this amazing hypothetical nanny 🤷‍♀️

Why do you refer to a nanny looking after more than one child as a "mystical Mary Poppins type"? That is literally what they are paid to do. And why have you completely discounted the father in this scenario? Perhaps he could do the drop offs and pick ups?

My DM did this with both me and DSIS…I believe she took four weeks with me and was in work when her waters broke both times. I am so glad for her and us that she did so, she was a much better mother for having her high pressure job and I adore her.

Nanny caring for 3 children of whom one is a young baby - been there, done that. c£2k may be a bit low for a full time nanny depending on your location. If I was to do 50 hours per week, I would be expecting gross salary of a little over £3k, which may cost employer close to £3.5k plus expenses. Live out, Surrey/Berkshire border.

Given the huge difference in earnings that this would bring, and your clear passion for your work, I'd say this is perfectly doable.

A good nanny will make your life much easier (said with experience) and makes your plan totally workable.

Not that it won't be hard, but newborns are hard anyway. If you are fulfilled in your career, the children are happy and well cared for and your DH in agreement, entirely sensible.

Imagine if you were still on may leave 12 weeks in, would you be happy to be there, or unhappy at the thought of opportunities lost?

Congratulations on the big client and your pregnancy.

This is what I did with my third. 12 weeks leave, not 6. Nanny for the baby and two older children. Worked out of home three days per week and did a few hours from home the other two days.

A good nanny or husband is key here. I also agree. The family business is actually a hobby job and can possibly be put aside or made part time for a bit. He may enjoy it. My brother has lived being a sahd to his young boy.

As I've got older and more financially secure I've reduced hours right back (as has dh). Your relationship with your kids has 18 years to evolve. It's not actually necessary to be around your baby 24/7. They want their needs met and consistent and secure attachments: not just mum. Dads and nannies count as secure attachments too.

@babouchette the OP states that if she didn’t care about her career she would take 6 months off putting her feet up. That seems to be very much from her perspective not her employer’s

I had baby 2 years after baby 1, and, like you, as our main breadwinner. I took 6 months so money was squeakingly tight by the time I went back. Baby was breach and had feeding issues, which I couldn't have known mid-pregnancy, so we had a number of specialist appointments to attend in those months. She also slept like hell because of the feeding issue. The day I did the school run having been awake since quarter to one in the morning springs to mind. I'd be looking at both day and night nannies in your shoes, but then you're spending very little time with baby 1:1 as their mum.

Maybe OP is referring to ‘putting her feet up’ in an intellectual sense?

Nobody is going to argue that maternity leave and looking after children is easy or stress free. It certainly is boring though, for some. So yeah I’d also agree it was ‘intellectually putting your feet up’. Changing nappies, cooing and walking in the forest are all lovely… but not stimulating for everyone. It also only represents a fraction of what it is to ‘parent’. I can’t believe I’m reading people wonder why OP had 3 children because she doesn’t want to take 6months off after their birth. What is that in reality? 0.6% of their life (assuming ave life expectancy is 81 not counting the fact you’ll die sooner than they reach that age anyway).

You STILL have to parent for the other 99.4% of the fucking time. Parenting doesn’t end with the newborn/baby phase.

I'm the main earner so I can understand your thinking on this one....but....I can't see an employer offering to compensate you for coming back early and to cover your nanny costs....there is no financial incentive for them if they think the client will happily be supported by one of your colleagues until the 6 months is up ....I know we all like to consider ourselves indispensable and irreplaceable at work but this could hugely backfire on you

I have 4 DC.

After #2 I felt utterly dreadful and unwell. No idea why never did with the others.

There can be curve balls.

I'm a childminder I've had lots of children from 6 weeks they all stayed until starting full time school I then did wrap around. Childminders are much more flexible and offer exactly the same standards as a nursery but we work more closely with you.

You say you won the client about 6 weeks ago and baby is due in June, so you'll have had about 7 months to build the relationship before you have the baby. Presumably you're good at what you do which is why you got the client in the first place. So I really think your relationship with the client will survive a few months of maternity leave. Why not take 3-4 months, with maybe one day a fortnight (or a half day every week) as a KIT day to touch base with your client? Obviously not for the first 4-6 weeks or so while you're recovering. But it seems doable after that.

I agree with the PPs who have suggested that your DH takes parental leave. Surely it's a no-brainer. You are by far the higher earner. He works in your family business so they should hopefully be understanding and supportive about it. Perhaps he could reduce his days/hours to 4 days a week, so he can have baby for your KIT days, and then when you return to work after 3-4 months, he could take parental leave for 3 months or so, until baby is old enough for nursery.

Having said that, if you're such a high earner, you might want to consider a nanny over nursery anyway.