6 week maternity leave, DC3 - realistic?

[TwoYearsMarried]

DC no 3 due 15 June. Planned. I am the main breadwinner (by far). Six weeks ago I landed a huge new client which could really 'make' the rest of my career. I am 35 so this is a big success story so early on.

This will be our DC no 3 and I only went back to work in August 2021 after DC 2, so the gap will be v short. Work will not be expecting DC3 at all when I eventually break the news... 😬

This time around I really don't feel as though I need a long break like the others, especially having only recently gone back. I don't want to hand over this new client to someone else in our company for any longer than 6-8 weeks because it is such a fundamental time in developing the relationship. At the moment the client wants, and has, me on tap. They will be bringing in close to £1m in revenue a year for the company, so it's a fairly big deal (for me, anyway).

As such I am considering taking 6-8 weeks off and going back 3-4 days a week after that. My husband works for our family business so taking paternity leave isn't really an option for him. The most obvious solution is for me to work from home until the baby is 6-7 months old with a nanny in the next room of our house. I'd then always be "with" the baby but also not, if you see what I mean... I would combination feed so that bottles are easy to mix up during the day.

Work will support whatever I choose to do and will pretty much bend over backwards for me.

Am I being wholly unrealistic? Has anyone else with an intense job done likewise and how did you find it?

Other consideration for you wise MNs is the financial side. Going back after just 6-8 weeks will of course benefit my company, but likewise, probably to the same extent, benefits me personally if I ever left and wanted to take this client with me. By going back so soon, I'm essentially foregoing the 4 months full pay followed by 2 months half pay our firm offer whilst on mat leave. There is no incentive for going back early and sacrificing this enhanced maternity package. I would also need to incur 4x our usual childcare costs by employing a nanny until the baby was old enough to attend nursery (i.e from 6-8 weeks old until it is 6months). That amounts to c£2k a month, so financially it puts me at a big disadvantage. If I didn't give a toss about my career then I'd put my feet up for six months and go back then, but I fear I'd lose this client in the meantime. Am I overstepping the mark to either ask work to compensate for the nanny so that I come back early, or to give me the equivalent in a cash payment of the enhanced maternity pay I would otherwise have received? I fear they will simply say that they can get someone else to cover the client whilst I am off and for me to go away and have a proper break, but I know (and from past experience with my earlier two DC) that someone else being allocated to this client will either (a) put no leg work in, so we'll essentially lose them or (b) get so entrenched with them that by the time I come back it will no longer be my client and all is lost. Stakes are too high for that at this stage.

Any advice please? I am losing sleep over this. I absolutely live for my kids and family but likewise am ambitious and driven. I am so torn!

Jacinda Arden choosing to take just 6weeks of maternity leave had nothing to do with how much paid maternity leave is available in NZ and everything to do with the fact she’d been elected Prime Minister 8 months beforehand and needed to go back ASAP to keep credibility as leader. I think she found out she was pregnant around the time she accepted the job as Prime Minister. It is actually fairly comparable to OPs situation in that financially there would have been no incentive to go back that early, it was all about keeping credibility with the ´client’ - the people voting for her.

Without knowing where you live or what your outgoings are, your currently salary should be significant enough to ensure you can cover the additional cost for a nanny even if that means saving now for the time.

It sounds from your post that you are committed and passionate about your job and if going back early is something you want to do then you should go for it.

Presumably your DH will be sharing responsibilities with you anyway so the full burden is not on you? Appreciate he can’t take shared parental leave but does he muck in now with childcare / housework etc.

I’d also consider what your options are if you choose not to return once baby is here. Can you back out of going back early and take your mat leave?

What about your baby? Your post seems to be just about your career. Maternity is for you to recover but also spend time with your child. I'd be heartbroken to leave dc at that age even for a quick pop to the shops let alone all day. Could you really carry on working if you heard your newborn crying for you? Even the best nanny in the world is not mum.

Women do go back after 6 weeks in some countries but normally it isn't seen as ideal.

In the US Mom's get a much shorter maternity leave so have no choice but to go back. My biggest issue would have been the baby waking so much at night my head wouldn't have been ready for concentrating on work all day. Also you already have a young baby so it will be quite hectic for you and for any nanny to manage. If your other dc react badly to the new baby and need more attention for a while how will you manage this.
There is the important part of bonding with his baby as you did with your others and six weeks is a short time.
I fully understand your professional demands but l think for yourself and the baby and your toddler it's all too much.
Could you go back part time solely focusing on this new client?

Describing Mat leave as putting your feet up- I’d say yes go back to work you clearly don’t value the time- which is fine we are all different (not quite sure why you chose to have 3DC)

Hah yes make sure you describe the nanny job as 'sitting about with your feet up'...

@TwoYearsMarried
Some firms do this as an incentive to go back, they pay back the equivalent in the enhanced mat pay as a lump sum. If I'm at home for 4 months with my feet up on full pay I'd be earning the same if I were working for them.

Some places may offer it as an incentive (no where I've ever worked but I'm a pauper ) but it's an odd way to look at it. If you're at home "with your feet up" you're getting one lot of pay, if you're at work with an incentive then that's two lots of pay. Bearing in mind, the company probably aren't that bothered about you specifically having the client, there are others that can cover so there may not be any benefit to them to pay double. Equally, I can't see them offering to pay for your childcare for the same reasons.

There's no harm in asking, I suppose. I'd possibly echo a previous poster and try to negotiate a pay rise to cover your costs, but don't tell them that's why!

I think you earn a lot and are ambitious but if you are good at your job you will get to the next level it just might take longer.

For me quality of life is worth more than money.

@JustWonderingIfYou - please don’t do that.

OP- I would float this with your company. See what the response is to what you’re asking, and THEN make your decision.

If you can find the money for the nanny regardless (assume you can) then I would do it and see it not as a true cost, but one that will be recouped down the line.

@VaguelyInteresting what are you telling another poster not to do?

@toomuchlaundry

Guilt the OP about going back to work with “I couldn’t even pop to the shops without baby at that age”- it’s just not nice. It’s implicitly shaming.

Some posters here don't realise that valuing your career doesn't make you a bad mum, and that working (even full time) doesn't negatively impact on the relationship with your children. I understand that you can't know this if you've always been a sahm or worked part time, but there's no need to be so unpleasant and say the OP shouldn't have had 3 DC!

OP, if you do an advanced search you will find numerous helpful threads on this topic.

But is also making a valid point, could you carry on working if your young baby was crying in another part of the house? I don’t think I could.

It's difficult without understanding what you do and how this is a one off opportunity.

You talk about it being career making but you are 35 and at best only a quarter of your way through your career. It's highly likely this opportunity continues to exits after may leave, but the may leave opportunity won't.

I'm a high earner, and I know my worth. I took 13 months off, personally found my mat leave cover and had a monthly meeting with them to ensure things stayed on track. There are ways without you having to be physically at work everyday with a 6 week old.

If your company value you as much as you believe, then find a way to strike the right balance and not one that compromise language you and your baby. You won't get that time back.

@VitaminA

Some posters here don't realise that valuing your career doesn't make you a bad mum, and that working (even full time) doesn't negatively impact on the relationship with your children. I understand that you can't know this if you've always been a sahm or worked part time, but there's no need to be so unpleasant and say the OP shouldn't have had 3 DC!

OP, if you do an advanced search you will find numerous helpful threads on this topic.

I have zero issue with career driven women- I work 4.5 days with 2 children under 5- but I would never describe maternity leave as “putting my feet up”- also OP hasn’t once referenced the newborn baby in all her pro and con lists

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Describing Mat leave as putting your feet up- I’d say yes go back to work you clearly don’t value the time- which is fine we are all different (not quite sure why you chose to have 3DC)

So judgemental. It is possible to want children at the same time as wanting your career to continue succeeding - it doesn't make you a bad mother.

OP, it strikes me that this is a joint problem for you and your DH - is there no possibility he can take parental leave? If you are the main breadwinner it would make sense for him to take six months off rather than you, assuming he could get a contractor in for that time. If you are potentially looking at a 100k uplift that should cover the cost?

Your DH needs to step up, frankly. He’s been dispatched in this conversation in pretty much one line. He’s not the major earner, by quite some distance, and his family is now you and your children - not some other business ( can I call it a hobby job ?)

I went back part time after 2 - 3 months with DC2 because of a work opportunity. I had an on-site nursery which helped but it absolutely is doable. BUT your DH needs to bring a damn sight more to the game. I’m assuming he wants to share in the rewards of an extra £100K on your salary?

Start looking for a nanny now.

If you lived in the US it's normal

Describing maternity leave as putting your feet up is quite judgmental too. I assuming most posters would pull men up if they described it like that

also OP hasn’t once referenced the newborn baby in all her pro and con lists
Presumably because she realises the baby is going to be fine either way?

@toomuchlaundry

Describing maternity leave as putting your feet up is quite judgmental too. I assuming most posters would pull men up if they described it like that

I read this as putting her feet up from the perspective of her employer - ie not earning any money for the company, while they'd have to pay her anyway.

With two DC already I am pretty sure OP realises that maternity leave is not a walk in the park.

I did very similar with my first.

Took 6 weeks off and went back but working from home (have separate home office) with paid childcare in the home while I worked. Financially the company didn’t pay extra for that period but was only statutory maternity pay anyway so financially I was better off going back at 6 weeks even with paid at home childcare.

It was doable, not sure now 10 years later it helped my career, I switched jobs 12 months later. Took longer with DC2 but still only 3 months and I’m certain that did help my career.

If I had my time again I’d take the full 12 months with both of them though. That in itself is probably very telling.

Why do you keep talking about mat leave as "sitting around with your feet up"?!

If you could find some mystical Mary Poppins type who would do all your school runs, and look after your newborn all day while you were working from home, this would by far and away be the easiest option for you! And if they would have the toddler at home full time as well, then it would probably be financially viable as well. But good luck find this amazing hypothetical nanny 🤷‍♀️

Why can't your DH take leave from the family business?

You sound very capable and determined and driven by the thought of success and more money. So I'm sure it will probably be fine for your career. For your family life not quite so sure. Up to you.