Change nursery over naps?

[MrsCremuel]

DS 2.5 goes to nursery twice a week. I’m on mat leave with newborn and we’ve kept him there. He is an early riser, between 5 and 6 whatever we do so he goes to sleep between 7.30 and 8 and has a 2hr nap from 11-1. His nursery have a policy of only putting them to sleep where they shown signs of tiredness. Which tends to be for him when he’s there around 12 and one. At home I actively managed naptime and put him down to sleep. They then let him sleep till three or four which completely ruins our evening and mucks up sleep for the next few days. On these days he doesn’t go to bed till between 9 and 10 and still wakes up 5/6.

Do I switch to half days, suck it up or find a new nursery? I’ve spoken to them they won’t change their methods.

Will they not wake him? DS is the same age and at both his current and previous nursery they would take our lead in terms of length of nap (ie at the moment we've said 45mins max). I never asked them to put him down at a certain time because they have set lunchtimes etc and I don't think they have control of that in the individual rooms.

@larrythelizard no they won’t wake children

I'd start doing half days if you're happy with the nursery in other ways. He'll likely drop his nap soon then he could go back to full time when you're back at work.
Bloody ridiculous policy though!

Their inflexibility would make me want to change nurseries. At 2.5 they should be looking to reduce his napping- not let him sleep for 3 hours.

I'd encourage them to ditch the nap TBH. It sounds like he can go without if he's up at 5am.

Neither of my DS napped past 2 and a half.

You either pick him up at lunch time and manage his nap yourself, or find a nursery that will wake him.
I’d do half days personally.

I would be straight to another nursery. That’s pathetic.

I think asking them to ‘actively manage’ a child to sleep when they’re not tired is unreasonable.

Either insist that he doesn’t need a nap and don’t let him sleep (it sounds like he doesn’t if he gets up that early), or suck it up

The inflexibility annoys me, I’ve discussed it with them and explained the negative impact it has on him, which I as his mother know but you know ‘that’s just their policy’.

Maybe half days for minimal disruption.

I don't think it's reasonable to ask them to put him down for a nap at that age when he doesn't seem tired and the other children aren't napping, I don't think it's unreasonable to say don't let him sleep past one for example.

I’m not sure why is unreasonable to say at 11 ‘it’s naptime off you go’? Actively managing his nap is over selling it a bit perhaps. They know he obviously needs one even at 2.5.

It's not the same as at home in terms of doing naps. There's other children about playing and they have activities to work around, they also need staff at that time to make sure the child isn't left alone, and they don't have enough staff for 1:1. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask to wake after x time though, so seems odd they won't do that and annoying.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Their inflexibility would make me want to change nurseries. At 2.5 they should be looking to reduce his napping- not let him sleep for 3 hours.

Exactly

You want him to sleep from 11:00 to 1:00 when he's not tired. Other children will be playing noisily and having fun then. He'll also miss lunch so he'll be having warmed up food every day, then he'll have to play quietly on his own because everybody else will be napping. A nursery of, say, 16 toddlers couldn't have 16 different routines. Children have to mostly fit in to the nurseries routine. You won't find a nursery who does things the way you want so you'll have to get a nanny.

@Tabbacus

It's not the same as at home in terms of doing naps. There's other children about playing and they have activities to work around, they also need staff at that time to make sure the child isn't left alone, and they don't have enough staff for 1:1. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask to wake after x time though, so seems odd they won't do that and annoying.

Yeah, I'd say they can put him down when they have nap time for everyone, but wake him at 1:30 latest.

My son's nursery used to do this and it was fine

3 hours is a bit long though.

If they won't wake him then yes I'd either move him or only do half days, DS would be a nightmare if he had as much as 2 hours sleep in the day. His nursery is great, he's currently in the process of dropping his nap so he either has a proper nap in the sleeping room, a rest on the sofa or no nap at all if he doesn't need it - ie they are led by what he needs not adhering to a strict regime

I don’t expect them to adhere to a specific time but letting him sleep so long and late and refusing to wake him is unworkable.

Dgs is up at 5, when he's with me he has 40minutes about 1pm but at pre school he doesn't nap at all. Dd starts the bedtime routine at 5.30pm when I have him and 5pm when he's at pre school and he's asleep by 6 and 6.30pm. He still gets up at 5am if he's in bed much later. Can you tell nursery to cut out the nap and get him in bed earlier?

He can't sleep 11-1 at nursery as that's play time and lunch time.

Some nurseries/childcare providers do take the view that sleep is a welfare issue and depriving tired children of sleep is detrimental.

Easiest thing would be to pick him up either just before or just after lunch and control his nap time at home.

I agree with your follow up post, you can't manage exactly when he goes down but they are being really odd in refusing to wake him ans letting him sleep three or four hours! It's almost like they are short staffed so the longer naps are more convenient for them. I would try more forcefully to insist they wake him and tell the other parents what is happening too if they are in good terms with you, just to be sure they do this with all the kids. If others are unhappy with this policy too it will be easier to argue for them to change it.

If you want the child to be woken up you have to go in and wake them up yourself! Their view is, as a pp mentioned, it’s detrimental to development to limit their sleep by waking. But what I know is that he sleeps 12 hours everyday and that if 3 of those are nap he’ll just sleep 9hrs tonight and be knackered tomorrow. I’m glad it’s not just me who thinks this no wake policy is bonkers. There is another mum who lives nearby and does this on her lunch break. Absolutely mental.

@badg3r I’ve been thinking how convenient it is for them to have a child asleep for 3 hours.

I’ll look into the shorter days and speak to them again. He went down at 9.30 tonight and was so out of sorts with the change in routine.

I wouldn't expect them to put him down at 11 (obviously different when they are babies) but I would not be happy with a 3 hour nap! I would say no more than 2 hours and up by 3 (which ever comes first!)

That is bizarre! We've never controlled when our children go for a nap at nursery but have asked for no sleep past x time or currently my nearly 2.5 year old gets a max of 30 minutes. The nursery want to adhere to that because they know ultimately the nap has a knock on effect for night sleeping/early rising which then has an impact on whether the child will be grumpy or happy the next day. AS far as I've heard most nurseries would support the parent saying please don't them sleep past x time or only let them sleep for x time. My two have always gone down at slightly different times at nursery than at home, just because the pattern of the day is different but like I've said nursery have supported us with what we've said too.

Some nurseries/childcare providers do take the view that sleep is a welfare issue and depriving tired children of sleep is detrimental

I’ve come across this opinion amongst Some early years staff. However I think it’s more about staff trying to get an easier life by having a couple of children having a longer nap. I think bed time would be disrupted for most 2.5 year olds if they were napping for 3 plus hours during the day.

Op, I’d be looking to either change your hours at this nursery So you can be more in control of naps or find a new childcare setting who will be a bit more understanding about the sleep issue. Tbh, I’d go with the latter as I wouldn’t want my child in a setting with lazy staff or where there weren’t enough staff.