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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Available daily time after childcare

53 replies

Funkid · 09/12/2021 15:08

Hello dear support group,

My wife and I need to do some planning. We have a 3-months-old daughter. I go on working fulltime. My wife doesn’t work outside, she takes care of our daughter. I help whenever she needs free time for herself, which is easy as I work from home. And she does the household tasks (for a 100 m2 flat). We plan to entrust our daughter to a nursery once she is 9 months old, part-time probably to start with.

Our question is : in the coming 6 months (until the nursery), if my wife keeps on being prime caregiver, and doing the household chores, how much free time can she plan to have for herself to work/study from home ?

Put in another perspective : if we exclude evenings and weekends (where working parents would take care of the child together anyway), and we consider just the 40 hours working week, say Monday-Friday 9:00 to 18:00, how many of those hours are taken by taking care of a child, and how much is free to engage in studying or working (from home !) ?

And I guess that also depends on the age of the child (or children). It’s our first child, so we are discovering this.

We would be super grateful if you have some indications .

Thank you !

OP posts:

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Skyll · 09/12/2021 15:09

It really depends on your child.

Zarene · 09/12/2021 15:11

With my DD approx 0hs - she contact napped and was hard to put down.

Others are different 🤷‍♀️

Thegreencup · 09/12/2021 15:11

Well if you're working and the child isn't in nursery, who will be looking after the child? You're wife? She will have fuck all free time then. Maybe an hour or two if the baby wants a nap. Hope that helps.

Skyll · 09/12/2021 15:12

Yup @Zarene. DS. No problem you could’ve done all you wanted he was an easy baby. DD2. Not a minute. 🤷🏼‍♀️ She was a Klingon

PanicBuyingSprouts · 09/12/2021 15:12

I can't remember getting an awful lot of spare time. Like the pp says, it depends totally on your child and my first hardly slept.

Do bear in mind as well that if you are planning to send your LO to nursery at 9 months this can coincide with a sleep regression and separation anxiety.

How many hours a week is your DW studying for or wishing to study? Could she do this in the evenings and weekend when you're not working?

MindyStClaire · 09/12/2021 15:14

If your wife is at home with a baby, she will have snatched minutes at best. The baby may reach a stage with reliable naps but your wife will need a bit of a rest at that stage too, and no doubt end up doing laundry, meal prep etc - once they start weaning you feel like you do nothing but make food and then clean it off the floor.

Even if you're lucky with a calm baby who will watch you work from the playmat or bouncer, that all goes out the window once they're mobile.

Basically, while on maternity leave your wife's job is to care for the baby. You should be helping with both childcare and housework when you're not at work. When your wife is ready to work in some capacity again you will need childcare.

KnobJockey · 09/12/2021 15:14

Not much, especially as little ones tend to need more engagement from about now, and the sleep regression often starts.

I think 2-3 naps a day is about average for a baby. In that time, there is housework, probably dinner to prep and catching up on a little bit of broken sleep caused by the baby.

I used to do a bit of self employed work while on maternity leave, the broken sleep really caused brain fog for me. I could have reliably done an hour's work, maybe 2 hours, 2-3 days a week at best, but it wasn't my best work by any stretch.

sociallydistained · 09/12/2021 15:14

Studying no chance if she’s anything like me she will need concrete blocks of time to study and take anything in/achieve anything. Looking after a small child is full time worked she will need some form of childcare for a amount of hours a week to dedicate herself to any form of study I would say.

KnobJockey · 09/12/2021 15:15

And it all depended on sleep the night before

Bushkin · 09/12/2021 15:17

In sole care of the child, zero hours. You can’t work from home with a baby in tow.

QforCucumber · 09/12/2021 15:17

While at home she is caring for the baby, baby naptime is usually enough time for a quick break, stick on a wash and devour lunch.

Would you expect the nursery staff to be doing training while the baby is in their care or should they be caring for the baby at all times? If the answer is no then don't expect your wife to either.

minipie · 09/12/2021 15:19

Zero time. Taking care of a baby is a full time job.

Some babies take long predictable naps which maybe gives you a couple of hours a day, but that will be used up with household stuff or recovering from being woken at night. Some babies don’t nap much or only nap in a moving buggy/sling or on a person.

Only possibility is that your DW does studying or work at the weekend and you take sole charge of the baby and household jobs on those days.

gogohm · 09/12/2021 15:19

An hour or two whilst napping in the best case scenario though mine didn't nap unless I held them (they coslept at night). Reading a book etc is sometimes possible, mine breastfed and I could do sitting down things then

Lockdownbear · 09/12/2021 15:19

Not much.
If she manages to keep herself and baby fed and watered she's doing good.

Buy her a travel mug best thing ever. I never seemed to get enough time to both make and drink tea. If it was in a travel mug I'd make it and drink hours later.

Skyll · 09/12/2021 15:20

It won’t be reliable either.

One day could be a good day, the next could be awful.

Redcart21 · 09/12/2021 15:21

None. I would get 20 mins here and there but it wouldn’t be enough time for me to get out my laptop, sit down and say work. As before I knew it, I’d be tending to the baby again. If she intends to WFH and study, you need childcare.

Lockdownbear · 09/12/2021 15:23

I've just re-read your post baby is 3 mths. Why not tell your DW to go shopping on Saturday morning, you stay home with baby, and see how much time you have to do anything other than feed, bum change, and feed yourself.

londonmummy1966 · 09/12/2021 15:26

None - nor should you be expecting her to do that much of the housework - her time will mainly be spent looking after and engaging with your DC. She might manage to put on a load of washing and cook the dinner or push a vacuum around the odd room but not all three. Anyway - you're working from home so you should be doing some of this too in your breaks - eg put a load of washing on whilst waiting for the kettle to boil when you're making yourself a coffee or doing some prepping for dinner whilst making your lunch.

BTW you do not "help" your wife with childcare - she is one of two equal parents so you "look after your own child"

converseandjeans · 09/12/2021 15:27

I had no free time when mine were babies. DD used to nap reliably for two hours at lunch but there was always stuff to do. I think if you're working FT and she's looking after baby you need to take turns at weekend to have a quick break.

LincolnshireLassInLondon · 09/12/2021 15:33

I had very very little. None at all most days with DS. I occasionally did some work based reading when DS was napping. Maybe an hour or two per month.

GrapefruitsAreGreat · 09/12/2021 15:34

Your wife will have no time to work or study if she is looking after a baby full time. If she is lucky the baby might nap and give her time to have a hot cup of coffee or lunch or something like that. It's unreasonable to expect more.
You could offer to give her some time by taking baby for a walk but I'd suggest the time should be for her to relax not work/study as looking after a baby full time is very tiring.

Lockdownbear · 09/12/2021 16:25

Op I'm really curious as to your mind set. What do you think the baby would be doing while your wife studies or works?

My experience they'll happily watch you to interesting physical things like hoover or dust for 5-10mins. But trying to read isn't interesting to watch so they distract you divert your attention to them.

Once baby gets to 6ish months they may well be on the move at which point get your skates on because they are faster than you.
Food at that point takes more time too, both prep and eating.

zeddybrek · 09/12/2021 16:35

0 minutes

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 09/12/2021 16:40

Bit confused about this thread- what are you hoping to gain from this?

Original poster

Funkid · 09/12/2021 16:53

Hi, thank you all for your answers ,

It's really clear reading you that there is no time for much else. Got it.

But then we ask ourselves : say this little daughter gets two. Even if we bring her to a nursery she will still keep us busy, at least to get to the nursery back and forth, and of course the evenings and weekends. So, reading your posts, there is in theory no time to have a second baby. Impossible unless we get some exterior help. But then the money gets tight.

I have been in contact with the German culture, where typically it is encouraged to keep the children at home with the mother and not send them to a nursery. And of course the dad typically off to work all day. How did they manage 2, 3, 4 children (my great-grandmothers had 8 respectively 12) ?

We are lucky to have an easy baby. But we do see that my wife is busy quasi full-time, as you all also seem to have experienced firsthand. But then how is a second or a third baby possible without life becoming unbearable ? There is somehting I don't understand there.

Thank you very much for your replies until now. I enjoyed reading you a lot , and it is already giving us some great points of reference.

OP posts:

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