CM Club: Advice about ds please!

[KaySamuels]

My DS has started reacting badly to the baby I childmind and I don?t know what to do. The baby is 12months and my DS is 3, I have been minding him for about 5 months and it is only maybe the last six weeks or so, DS and this mindee have had any problems. I would describe both children as pleasant and easy going, however baby mindee gets excited and bashes the children or grabs their hair, he is very sociable and wants to join in with them.

DS seems to now be realising this and get very upset whenever baby goes near him! He cries and sobs, says 'no go away go away' between sobs, or if baby approaches him and DS is in a corner he cries 'let me go let me go'! I have tried to explain to DS that baby just wants to be his friend and is pleased to see him, but he seems to be getting more and more anxious about baby going near him. Other mindee also 3 was getting upset too last week. Baby pulls my hair too sometimes so I know how they feel it really does hurt! He has a strong grip! Also last week baby mindee went up to DS who was sat quietly on sofa and bit his toes!!!

Today DS has cracked his head on the safety gate and a chair whilst panicking and trying to run away from baby crying!

What can I do?? I feel so bad for DS as baby is here at least 4 days a week, and feel sorry for baby as kids are starting to not want him near them! Of course I also the have the usual mother guilt that by cm?ing DS is upset. I have cm?ed since he was 5 months old and he usually loves the company, has never had trouble sharing me or toys, and usually cries when kids go at the end of the day! DS is kind to baby mindee, when we are going outside he searches for his dummy for him to take out, will take him toys to play with or give him his beaker. Sorry this is a bit of a ramble but trying to get it all down whilst mindee napping! If anyone has any thoughts or has been through something similar please share as I don?t know hat if anything I can do!

Oh dear Kay. that's not much fun for DS.

I'm loathed to say it, because I hate the expression, but I think is a phase.

Hard as it is, you'll just have to keep telling DS that baby is trying to be friendly and also keep stopping baby from being quite so friendly! I always remember dd being slightly scared of her cousin, who is a year younger than her, because she could move like a rocket across the floor and would just grab at dd!

Sorry I couldn't be more posiive.

Oh dear, hard one Let me have a think, I've never had this before, just baby hitting ds (nearly 5) on the head over and over but the problem is, ds laughs and encourages it but I have to try and explain she may do it to someone else.

Sorry no answers but bumping anyway xx

I just feel so sorry for ds! Baby is not doing it on purpose, and is lovely, but ds shouldn't be so upset every day. I am trying to keep them apart a little, but he is fast! Plus I feel mean that I keep seperating them as baby is only being sociable and is just too enthusiastic about it!

Oh dear Kay

I had something similar when minded baby started walking, all of a sudden he is in their 'space' IYSWIM, takes a bit of getting used to.

I am sure that distraction, plus perhaps encouraging your LO to do a few table-based activities, where the baby can't destroy puzzle/yoink toy out of hand will do the trick.

Hard for you and your DC

Its hard for your ds. The only thing I can think of is to encourage ds to give baby a toy to distract him when he comes too close?

I would say to your ds that he is allowed to say "no" firmly, but not crossly or shouting. We also use the sign - hold up your hand like a policeman halting traffic. At the moment he might be too panicky to hold baby's arm away gently but if you think he won't be too rough, show him how to gently grasp baby's wrist and keep it still with one hand to stop the pulling, and use ds other hand to ease a toy into baby's hand.

Good luck,

Thanks everyone.

DS has been doing things at the table more, paticularly building towers. Baby is 'cruising' at the mo, but so close to walking independently. I think that's spot on about his space being invaded, he is really upset about baby hurting him, and if he even heads towards ds he gets upset!

I like the police man sign, think if I can get ds to be a bit calmer about it that could work with a 'no'. I'm gonna have a go at all these suggestions, I've got a fortnight off after Friday anyway so maybe things will be different in the new year!