CM CLUB: Help. help, help..............changing mindees/giving notice GULP!

[LOONEYplayingachristmasTUNEy]

Right, some of you know that I've had lots of trouble with the parents of the 2 sisters I look after and the only reason I haven't given notice in the past is because I adore the children, the family has been with me for nearly 2 years now (and youngest turns 1 in fews days and has been with me since 7 weeks old). Well the other week I had trouble again, girls with sloppy nappies and made it clear they could't come the next day (emailed the mum and told the au pair at pick up) and still had the mum phoning me that evening going on and on about having to be in work, au pair at college etc. and somehow I ended up agreeing to having them until lunchtime as had no other kids in those hours. We get on in a lot of ways but with stuff like this, she bullies me (her and her husband run their own company so are pretty used to being like that I guess).

Well........my double pay baby's mum is desperate for full time care from next year (long story but she DOES need it) and has today offered to pay double every single day of the week (even though I'd never be needed Tuesdays due to gran having baby) to cover the 2 girls if I give notice.

I really need to follow this through as double pay baby's parents treat me with a lot of respect, treat me well and understand the rules about sickness etc.

BUT.....what do you think? Go ahead and give the 2 months notice? Gosh, it's so close to Christmas and mum has been on phone today and whilst on, asked what ds is into (for Christmas). I'm scared! But I can't be bullied like this, we came to blows a couple of months ago when her 9 month old baby has temp of 39.9 (103.2) and was crying her eyes out and not at all well, mum was having a go saying what's the problem, kids get ill and saying she couldn't leave work etc. Eventually bullied me into keeping her longer and then got au pair to collect. I can't take the stress and upset when this happens

So, reason for my post???

1. Tell me I'm right to give notice???
2. If so, how on earth do I deal with it? What reasons do I give as she'll ask anyway?
3. How do I do it i.e. letter, phone, call a meeting? (I haven't seen mum for weeks as au pair drops off and collects)

Off to hoover then bath ds so be back later but I'd really appreciate your help lovely people!

LT xx

Tough choice - stay with a mother who treats you like shit but you love the kids or go with the mother who treats you with respect and whose child you will love too.

If she avoids you by sending the au pair I would treat her the same.

Give her written notice stating the dates you will look after her children until and leave it there.

You are a worker, not someone to be bullied.

I know it is hard to leave children you love (I used to be a nanny) but there will be other children to love.

Ooh, not a situation I would want to be in.

Your right to give notice, of course. This is your business which you have built up and if you are not happy then you should do something about it. You do not need the stress and if the parents are refusing to stick with your policies for sickness etc, then there's grounds for handing notice in.

You need to make it amicable though, because if you're giving 2 mnths notice you don't want 2 months of arguing etc. So I would arrange for her to meet with you and speak face to face. Explain that, although you adore her children and it's been a real pleasure minding them, you're going to have to hand your notice in because you don't feel comfortable with the relationship you have with the parent. If they ask you to expand more, then tell them!!

I HTH

oh looney - it's hard for you when you love the girls but having seen what you have had to put up with it seems a no brainer - obviously from an outside perspective i don't mean to sound rude - if you can get paid the same for less work i'd deffo take it(i am lazy)

give her the notice on the contract and your excuse is someone else is offering you a better deal - she's a business woman she will understand - you could point out when she has left that you only continued working with her as you loved the girls but that she was awful

what about your maternity leave though?

Bite her hand off, give notice and dont look back!

Do it, do it do it! This is perfect! You know and I know, this double pay job, couldn't be more perfect for you and your expanding family! Think about yourself! Think about how much easier the next 6 months are going to be, knowing that you have full time money coming in, without any hassle what-so-ever! You will have no stress at work at all and that is definately something you could do with in your condition! There are sooo many good reasons for giving notice!

Just keep all those positive thoughts in your head, so when she does e-mail you, to try and railroad you into something you don't want to do, yu won't backdown.

Loony can this family REAALY afford to pay you double time ALL week???make sure this is right first as its a lot of money IMO and wouldnt want you finding yourself short!..this WILL however work out better when you have your own little one next year as then its just double pay baby, your baby on you ds!..is that right?

That's a point. Will she still be prepared to offer you double pay, when you have a little one of your own?

What a nightmare for you, give her notice.
She has an au pair, a CM & won't take time off to look after HER children when they are sick.

Thanks for all the replies, sorry for the delay (took a while with ds then had to book some courses online then dh got back from school meeting so were catching up)

NAB - thanks, I've had double pay baby since she was 8 weeks old and she's now 10 months so obviously attached to her too

chel86 - yes, I do not need the stress, I have a nightmare every time I need them to be off because they are ill - it's the same every time and even though we had our big chat a couple of months ago, she's gone and done it again!! It puts me in awkward position as those policies are there to protect other children and of course my family/income. She hides their illnesses too if possible and lies, I'm sure of it! As for calling a meeting, I've been thinking about this. I've tried for other things and mum has asked if it can just be sorted over the phone. I'm bricking ANY type of confrontation as she makes me all nervous on the phone for some reason and I worry she'd try and push me into 'another chance' (she did this with the other au pair when she upped and left, begged her on email and promised not to treat her like they had if she came back). Part of me wants to hide behind a letter

MaxiM - not rude at all, a lot of you guys have told me to give notice lots of times, I know it makes sense. I like the idea of a better offer (although I want her to know she's upset yet another childcarer of hers!!! ). Whatever I say, she's going to be upset. I did think about telling her that I've decided that I want a much longer maternity leave than the 4 weeks (it's true I'm going to extend it) and that as I've had this other offer, it makes sense all round that I take it as I'm not sure they'd come back? (or something like that)
As for my maternity leave, double pay baby's mum is the one who persuaded me to take longer than 4 weeks and so I'm taking something like 10-12 weeks now. We've been looking at her options for that time but she says she wants to come back. Before I do ANYTHING about notice, I'll be getting everything confirmed and then in a signed contract, I just wanted to know what everyone thought so I know how to respond to her email about paying for full time.

LMGs -

Mo - I know what you're saying, for some reason I'm weird and feel lazy for it, that's how I've felt about Thursdays and Fridays since I started with her! Weird! I will be working on filling the relevant spaces though so she can reduce her rate as it's only fair, especially the Tuesday one, I'd feel awful taking £70+ a day from her and not even being used!!

SS - I was going to double check all this (worded carefully) with them but they'd be tied into a 2 month contract anyway. They've never had trouble paying me double rate for the 2 days they use already, it's THEM that insisted on paying me £70 a night for overnight care and they have recently used me almost once a week. They pay for things like leisure centre/gym membership, other people they see for appointments (not going to specify), give stuff away that they could get good money for if they sold, recently spent £150 on a taxi home from the city etc etc....they certainly tell me they have the money but without looking at their bank accounts, I can't be SURE, no. As said earlier, not giving any kind of notice til I have things signed in a formal contract. I do know they both have good jobs and mum is hoping to get better one too. Yes, once baby is born it would be double pay baby and my own baby during the daytime and then ds and pre-school mindee after school (if pre-schooler stays of course, actually, if she does, she'll be at proper school when I come back from maternity leave). Actually, I tell a lie....I will also have a new baby (starts Feb) on Weds & Thurs in the daytime, they will be 1 in April.

Mo - she's fully aware about baby etc. and the double would only be for the days I have those spaces so i.e. on Wednesdays, once baby is born, baby would take up the 3rd space therefore she'd go down to single rate, also single for Thursdays and then any other days I fill it's a bit complicated to explain which days will do what atm)

Right...have I covered everything?

glucose - if only you knew the half of it. The old au pair upped and left in secret one day as they treated her TERRIBLY She got a great family with a great set up and no way will she go back now!!

well i would prob give notice as when you have your very tiny new born baby he/she will pick up everything inc runny nappys

just say your giving notice due to doctors orders that you have to lighten your load
give her some numbers of ither childminders

dmo - I agree. And I like your idea about the Dr saying to lighten my load I'll print off other childminders details but not any of the childminders I see at groups - none would be interested in them full time as they know what she's like!!!

looney - i'd give her as many different c/m's numbers as possible including your friends (if they're willing) because another c/m might have a better relationship with her
i know my mindee 1 & 2's mum & previous c/m really didn't get on and i nearly didn't take them on as previous c/m said some really awful things about their mum but we have a great relationship
i don't think that sounds the way i meant it i don't mean you're bad-mouthing their mum - but that everyone has a different relationship with people - maybe if she had a c/m who took no s@#t she'd be better behaved . . . .

blah blah i've stopped making sense i must go to bed

The only thing I would worry about is that you are putting all your eggs in one basket, which is usually a business no-no! What would happen if double pay mum decided to give notice and go elsewhere/give up work/whatever?

As long as you would be prepared to be left with no income at all and could survive this until you find new mindees then go ahead. I suppose it depends on how easy it is to pick up new clients where you are.

Morning

Maxi - Don't worry, I know what you mean. I haven't 'bad mouthed', just asked for advice/reassurance on policies about certain things (at drop in, like everyone does) and they've just said they couldn't work with someone like that. Having said that, you're right, if they went to someone who was very strict from the start, didn't allow them to get away with this (like I the big softie has ) then they maybe their relationship would be fine. That's my only problem as they pay on time etc, I do get on with the mum and that's what makes it all so much harder! I just know the mum will always try these things on with me so maybe a fresh person is what she needs! She APPEARS to have a learnt her lesson about the au pair (who was treated like a slave, cooking full breakfasts for b&b guests whilst sorting the kids out, doing weekends when she shouldn't, being left for a week on her own etc.....all not agreed - new au pair doesn't do breakfasts from what I gather and I also don't think she cleans all the rooms/bathroom for guests etc ). Anyway, none of my childminder friends locally have the spaces required as it's harder with it being 2 of them.

soapbox - I admit this has been a concern as I used to have full timers and was actually quite pleased with my little split of part timers BUT at least it's not the whole week that will be double pay. I'm going on maternity leave in June for about 3 months and after that, my own baby takes up the space of 2 of the days. Luckily, I made sure that I didn't have another baby until ds went up to big school and made another under 5 space available (so it's not quite the difference in income it would be iyswim, I need to work out the full figures later when baby is here - lucky when she naps, I'm totally on my own to do things ). I will still be looking to fill the 2nd space being paid for asap for that very reason, even though I could have it easy on double pay, I want the income spread out like you say, not having all my eggs in one basket Luckily I'm always turning work away for under 5 year olds (it's the over 5's I struggle with). I do have a waiting list so going to start looking through that!

Right, time for school

Right....I sent a big email to double pay baby's mum last night with my concerns and she's come back and confirmed she does want me, at least til Feb 09. I know that anyone can change their mind but at least she's agreed to a 2 month notice period. And tbh, I'm not sure I would have had 2 sisters that long anyway as they live in another village and toddler would be 3 during my maternity leave and I think mum was looking at putting her in a funded nursery and then of course long term she has school so wouldn't be in my area forever anyway. Mum also confirmed that 'Full time wage more than covers extra expense'. So...just need to get her to sign a contract and then give notice to the others right????

I really need to make a decision on giving notice don't I.....I don't know why but I'm in a mess over this bit!!

Oh....and financially I will be just over £4 worse off a month (based on a 4 week month) but will finish at 6pm every day instead of 6.30pm 3 days a week

So, anyone got a notice letter they want to share with me to give me an idea of what to put????

I wish I could help, but I've never given notice to anyone! I will watch with interest though, since I hope to be giving notice to everyone soon...

At least you've got an easy reason.......I don't know if I want to say the reason why? I'll be glad when this is over......it's like before I'd told them all I was pregnant but 10 times worse!!!

Well, you do have a reason. Doctors advise that you have to cut back on work and from a business point of view, financially and emotionally, you have to end the contract. Why don't you e-mail Shosh?, I bet she's got some good ideas.

Yeah, did think of that and then wondered if she'd end up checking childcarelink and see I'm advertising and confront me?? Will email Shosh, good idea

Just MSN'd her