Nursery or nanny - how to manage?

[edidxb]

Hi. I have a 2 year old who has been going to nursery 5 days a week and loves it there. I have just had a new baby and she is only 3 weeks old at the moment. I go back to work in January and I can't work out what to do with childcare.
I have missed so many days of work this year with Covid nursery closures/colds/fevers/illness where my son can't go to nursery. I easily reached my 10 days and so did my husband.
I have got a promotion for when I return to work and it is going to be even more difficult for me to take time off work - I am a headteacher of a secondary school.
With an additional child at nursery I can only imagine the days off are going to increase for illness. However, I don't feel I can trust someone to be at home with a 4 month old and a 2 year old as I struggle to look after them both myself. I can't afford a fully professional nanny where you would pay 30k a year so it would be someone who is more of a babysitter.

Originally I had though 2xdays at home and 3xnursery as if they need time at home then that is 2 days per week covered, then one day each for my husband and I and one more day to cover.

But if I do 5x days at nursery which I feel better with as they are being looked after by professionals, what do I do on the days they have to be at home.

We don't live near any family, so that's not a solution. I'm racking my brains trying to think of a solution! Any ideas?! Thank you.

Any chance of two in nursery then an emergency nanny for days they are sick? The stimulation they get an nursery is so much better than a nanny and you don't have to worry about the nursery calling in sick or taking inconvenient holidays.

Thank you - yes I think that might have to be it. Do you get an emergency nanny through an agency?

Have you worked out the actual cost of a nanny (might not be £30k per year depending on what hours you need) vs two children in nursery? For very young children a nanny can be a wonderful choice and certainly stimulating enough if you have a good nanny - ours does activities, takes them for days out/to toddler groups. Our nanny also does the kids washing, cooks a family meal and generally helps out - she's never taken a day off sick whereas when my eldest was in nursery he missed so many days through illness. But I think it depends on the quality of the nursery staff and the nannies available to you where you are, and also what kind of childcare you prefer for your child.

@edidxb

Thank you - yes I think that might have to be it. Do you get an emergency nanny through an agency?

I call my cleaner . There are agencies but the rates are a lot more expensive.

Will nursery take her at 4 months? Its very, very difficult to get childcare that young near me, I assume you have her name down and its agreed but I know lots of people who have struggled. For a child that young, I'd say nanny, but qualified nanny. Honestly I wouldn't consider an informal babysitter, aside from anything else if its in your own house you'll be on the hook for tax and national insurance and open to a claim years down the line - not worth the stress.

Is there a reason you've ruled out a childminder if a nanny definitely wouldn't work cost-wise? I think probably the best bet is trying to figure out if there's an emergency childcare service near you that can cover sick children - I imagine not all will - and putting extra money aside to cover the cost of that. On the one hand, I think the extreme covid exclusions for cold symptoms have not been typical, but equally there have been fewer of other kinds of bugs. Friends have recently lost over a week's work to one bout of vomiting bug where baby caught it then passed it onto toddler. Every illness with two kids can take twice as long as they get it in turn.

Its really, really difficult. We're expecting number two and I'm trying to figure things like this out for when I go back - for us nanny is too expensive and I've never wanted a childminder so its just about coverage for 'sick' days, luckily we do have some grandparents who can do the odd day but we wouldn't bring them in for v&d, we just have to manage between us. We're in jobs with some flexibility, and some immovability, and so far I think we've just been lucky.

Depending on where you live the full cost of a fully professional nanny will likely be a lot more than £30k.

Have you researched childminders?

My childminder was lovely! 18 months between my 2 and she had an older one of her own.

Around here nursery for two would cost more than a nanny, even at proper nanny rates. Are you sure nursery is cheaper, especially if you’re factoring in emergency nanny cover too.

Also dealing with a 2.5 yo and 4 month old is quite different from a 2 yo and newborn. Experienced nannies would be fine with this. Obviously you’d want someone with small baby experience.

Do you have space for a live in nanny as this saves costs?

Do you have long holidays (I know as HT you will still have to work a fair bit of them!) as if so then perhaps you can find a nanny who prefers lots of time off and doesn’t mind some being unpaid, this could help with the cost. I don’t know if your nursery would require you to pay year round?

Congratulations on your promotion and baby!

It might be a similar cost actually, it's very expensive to have 2 under 3's in nursery. Is there any possibility of you and / or your dp doing 4 longer days, yes they are in nursery longer but if one can drop, one can pick up it will save 1-2 days fees and they won't notice an hour longer

Also worth thinking about trying to find a nanny that will work an annualised hours contract if you won’t need cover for all the school holidays.

4 months old it's pretty standard in my area - I think the minimum is 6 weeks actually.

Both my twins have been with a childminder since 20 weeks and they are very happy (given the massive smile they give their childminder at drop offs)

It's £38 per day per child for my twins and I'm On a term time only contract (plus paid through tax free childcare so the actual cost is much lower)

Childminder may be better for illness as there are less children to catch things from and someone's home tends to be much cleaner than a nursery!

Do you have space for an au pair? They are just young babysitters and can't do full time care but they could help with nursery drop-offs/pick ups and cover occasional sick days.

Your baby is only 3 weeks so no routine yet life with a baby and a couple of toddlers is not that bad once your used to it.
Is there a reason your dismissing Childminders? There a good alternative offering trained experienced care at an affordable price and I'm sure your aware of how thorough Ofsted inspections are .....they have the same inspectors as schools and nurseries becouse they work to the same standards but less risk of illness as smaller settings post COVID lockdown many have found less closures and less infections. You work much more closely with a cm building a relationship that can last right through to senior school and many do term time only contracts.

2 children at nursery isn’t much less then a nanny if you get a young one with some baby exp

My first job 31yrs ago chose me as they couldn’t afford nanny wirh exp. I had 4mth and 5yr - I was a nneb and looking for baby exp

Do you need full time or term time. A nwoc at school may be good. They wouid want holidays off

And yes kids do get ill at nursery. They pick things up. Then aren’t allowed back in till better

A nanny will look after cold /poorly children

And R.E.M. yes it’s a cost but it’s not forever. The 15hrs will help reduce plus also rem childcare should come out of both parents salary and not yours

Congrats on promotion

Thanks everyone for the responses......
I had dismissed childminders as I had assumed it would be the same if the child gets ill, they would have to stay home. We started at nursery as they have a great outside space, the food is really good and the facilities great. I had never really thought about a childminder but you are all making me think differently!

Maybe I will have another look at nannies. I do like the idea of the 2 year old being with other children though for socialisation. Gosh it's all so hard. Women want to keep their careers but it's a road block at every junction!

Maybe the price would be similar to 2 at nursery if I got someone new into the career. As long as they had some qualifications we all have to start somewhere. We don't really have the space for a live in but I am sure I could find a live out.

Thanks for taking the time to respond. I've certainly got some other options to think about now. it's horrible to be spending so much time worrying about it when I would love eto just enjoy my 3 week old!

For socialising there are playgroups, a lot of nannies will take their charges to playgroups most days, and/or they may have playdates with other children of a similar age if the nannies are friends

@roses2 you have your cleaner mind your children?! You do realise no qualifications no dbs check etc? You paying her cash in hand too?

Experienced and qualified nanny will be absolutely fine caring for your 2 op no problem at all.

I'm an ex nanny and childminder and I was fine with little ones like that. Largest family I worked for had 4, 2 eldest were primary age 2 youngest only 11 months between them and I obviously had them full time plus the older ones after school.

You would need to check but I'm thinking nanny for 2 would be cheaper than nursery for 2 as well as nursery charge per child

Check first you may be surprised

Childminder could work as a middle ground?

Nursery isn't the only way to socialise, a good nanny and even some childminders will be part of local baby and toddler groups and things like singing sessions at library (I know there's a name for these! I can't think of it!) etc but it's also good for kids to have some downtime too.

Look at all the options I'm sure you'll figure out the right thing for your family.

Congrats on baby and promotion

@edidxb
Although childminders won't take sick children anymore than a school should there will be less sickness than with a nursery. I've had 2 new starters this month who came from nurseries where there was too much illness and cm friends are reporting the same. With regard to my sickness I've had one day in 3 years and co minder stepped in. You can ask about that and talk to other parents about reliability.
I've been open through Covid my daughter works at preschool they had a month off at the start and 3 closures since.

Nannies socialise

Go to m&t. Walks - parks / play dates

Could your husband not assume the default parent role and deal with sick days, unless he's also a teacher?

@roses2 you have your cleaner mind your children?! You do realise no qualifications no dbs check etc?

For a last minute sick day yes. She was available and I needed help last minute. She did an excellent job and to be honest was better at looking after DS than the current after school nanny I use with qualifications but spends nearly all her time on the phone. Qualifications doesn't mean you are good at a job.

Nannies do socialize
Children find friends at playgroup story time rhytme time other nannies parents parks baby ballet

I've posted this a few times before but childminder all the way- so much more flexible than nursery and so much cheaper too, plus term time only. Other kids to socialise with and learn from, they don't necessarily have to be picked up immediately if they're ill depending on the childminder and their other charges. Our last one rang us one morning to tell us our daughter had puked so they'd given her a shower and put her to bed- other times stuck in traffic so she'd give her dinner and do the bedtime routine so that all to had to do when I picked her up was put her to bed. She'd also take her for her appointments and helped with settling in at school via pick ups and drop offs, as my daughters school did half days for the first two weeks. We could have kept her there for before and after school care but our primary school has a very good breakfast and afterschool club.
Our current different childminder is the same, our youngest has been with her through ear infections and generally being under the weather, she'll just tell us how she's been when we pick her up.