A question for nannies and nanny employers

[Asleanna]

For nannies - 1. Do you love most of your nanny kids and do you tell them?

For employers- 2. Are you happy with your nannies telling your kids they love them?

1. Do you want that for your kids?

I just saw a post on AIBU about someone who isn't happy that a childminder telling kids she loves them, many of the comments were positive about wanting their kids to be loved by their care givers.
But just wanted to check I'm not being out of line!

I truly love my nanny kids. I spend a lot of time with them that it would be impossible not to! I am not a replacement for their parents, I never want to be and would hate for a parent to think that because I love them. I see it more as an 'auntie' type relationship.

I personally think a child can never have too many people who love them!

You can love them without saying “I love you”. Can see why some parents may feel like you trying elbow yourself way in or whatever. I think kids can tell you love them by way you are around them and how safe and happy they feel.

Yes I understand your point of view. I guess it also depends on the individual. I know some nannies who obsess over their nanny kids but also don't have much of a life outside of work (living for their work) so I think it borders on unhealthy.
I truly love my nanny kids but equally I have a very busy social life outside of work and my own nieces to love too, if that makes sense!

I tell my charges I love them all the time, they regularly screech it to me as well. I wouldn’t want to work for a family who didn’t want one of their children’s main carers to express love to them.

Glad to hear that @HanarCantWearSweaters

I think my nanny families are OK with it too!

When putting children I nannied to bed I always said “lots of love”. I wanted them to go to sleep having heard something nice and similar what their parents would say I guess

We had a wonderful nanny when dd was little. I don't actually know if she ever said "I love you" to dd, but she was certainly very loving and I was immensely thankful for that. We moved 200 miles away around 12 years ago, but she is still extremely fond of dd and drives across the country around once a year to see her. I think they will always have a special bond, and I really value that. I can't understand why anyone wouldn't want that for their dc.

I would love my nanny to feel that way, but I would also worry if it was expressed as “I love you” in case once they moved on they dropped my kids. It would be potentially teaching my children that people who say they love you may up leave you and that would be a heartbreaking lesson to learn as a young child.

A friend has an ex nanny who is in ongoing contact, comes to visit and actually is now a godparent. Obviously that a rare example, but in that situation it was lovely that the nanny loved the kids and clearly she did because she continued being in their life once they went to school and was no longer employed to care for them.

@Cuddlemonsters

I would love my nanny to feel that way, but I would also worry if it was expressed as “I love you” in case once they moved on they dropped my kids. It would be potentially teaching my children that people who say they love you may up leave you and that would be a heartbreaking lesson to learn as a young child.

A friend has an ex nanny who is in ongoing contact, comes to visit and actually is now a godparent. Obviously that a rare example, but in that situation it was lovely that the nanny loved the kids and clearly she did because she continued being in their life once they went to school and was no longer employed to care for them.

I don't know if it's that uncommon tbh. As I said in my earlier post, our old nanny is still involved more than 12 years on, despite a long distance between us. I think it's inevitable that many will form strong attachments to the children they care for. The relationship has been a real positive in my dd's life.

*For employers- 2. Are you happy with your nannies telling your kids they love them?

1. Do you want that for your kids?*

My nanny tells my kids she loves them so much all the time. I have zero issues with it, rather the reverse. I know she means it and they love her too. She's been with me years and is a member of my family.

I don't need to be possessive of my kids. The more people in their lives who sincerely love them, the better.

I quite often sit and have a cuddle with my youngest charge, and I will tell her how strong and kind and beautiful and clever and loved she is, that mummy and daddy love her, her siblings and grandparents love her, that I love her.

@BuffySummersReportingforSanity

The more people in their lives who sincerely love them, the better.
This is perfect. Thank you!
I will continue as normal.

I think it's fab that you feel that way about your charges. I'm not really a fan of saying 'I love you' all the time, call me a miserable old trout, but people say it all the time without meaning it. You can definitely show them love without saying it.

@NannyR

I quite often sit and have a cuddle with my youngest charge, and I will tell her how strong and kind and beautiful and clever and loved she is, that mummy and daddy love her, her siblings and grandparents love her, that I love her.

That’s so lovely, I had a little cry

As a nanny I always go by the children. If they initiate a hug I hug back, when they say love you I reply thank you, I love you too. I genuinely do love the children I care for and always try and keep contact up after I have moved on to another job.